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Emotionally unavailable, is all hope lost?

hanginthere10
hanginthere10
Well here I am again. Several weeks back I posed the question whether
Or not to say " I love you" first to the man I have been seeing now for the past year. I decided that when the time was right I would, which I did a few weeks ago. My spoken words were met with silence, no response or acknowledgment. I was hurt, but I felt perhaps he wasn't ready yet.
We have continued as usual to see each other, but the pressure has been mounting inside to know once and for all where we stand.
He is a nice guy, treats me well, is affectionate, but does not verbalize/express his feelings whatsoever. No compliments, no "I miss you" or can't wait to see you, nevermind love.

This weekend I asked him how he felt about me/us, while I indicated that he is basically expressionless when it comes to his feelings. He simply smiled, said he was very sleepy and that was it. I said goodbye and left.
I'm beginning to wonder if he is an emotional recluse? I sent him a poem via email about Communication and of course I did not get a respond.
I don't know what to do anymore. I want and need a committed relationship and communication is essential for a healthy LTR.
I wonder if he is too emotionally damaged inside and is beyond reach.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I do love him but I don't feel the complete happiness I should and I so much want!

Thanks :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
That's a tough situation. For me, I couldn't be with someone who couldn't or wouldn't express his feelings about me, us or about anything especially when asked a specific question. Open communication about anything and everything including each other's feelings is a must in a relationship for me.

Asking him how he feels about you/the relationship and him replying he's very sleepy, that to me would be unacceptable. I would need to know his feelings about me, about our relationship so I know what path I want to pursue.

This is just me but I would feel if he couldn't be open with me, couldn't tell me his feelings about me and the relationship then I and the relationship are not important enough to him to break through whatever walls he as built up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It seems crazy to me that he wouldn't say he loves you after a year. Or at least make it ok for you, somehow.

Are you codependent? Codependents are drawn to narcissists, and one of their big traits is that they don't value deep emotional connections.

You may want to google codependent and narcissistic traits, it's changed my life. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Holy cow! I could have written this post myself! I was dating a guy VERY much like your bf. We broke things off mutually last week. I loved him, even though we dated 2 months. He was the same...would say he missed me or couldn't wait to see me. He did, for like the first 2 weeks...after that, nothing. He was commitment phobic AND had abandonment issues...he also decided he wanted children, which I can not give anyone. So, we ended things. And...wow...I am actually happy I did! I could step back and see how he really was, and how I really want to be treated. He MUST know after a year how he feels...idk about you, but I like leather...NEED to have someone tell me things...how they feel...what they like or dont, etc...not keep emotionally closed off to life. I am codependent...and am now trying to get help for that, and try to step back and see what I really want out of a relationship. :) All the best to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Been there...don't want to be again...Am so sorry you are having to face that. IMO If he can't or won't get beyond himself to respond to you in a comforting, loving way, you have a choice accept his limitations and either emotionallly starve or find another source to get your needs met while you are in the relationship (i don't know how that would work). OR Find a man who has what it takes to meet your needs. You deserve better than to starve. It's scary, but it's about meeting each other's needs. Maybe he has a need that isn't getting met either. Communication might help. I'd rather be alone alone than in a relationshp alone. No one is lonlier than a woman in a marriage with an unavailable man. Everyone assumes your needs are met because you have a man, yet you starve emotionally. All the best to you.
koolman
koolman
One-sided love never works. He either doesn't have those feelings, period, or, tough pill to swallow, he doesn't have them for you. Either take him, or leave him, as he is. This will never change.
deleted_user
deleted_user
A crumb is a crumb. You owe it to yourself while ur on this planet earth to reach out and grasp all that is available. (Notice that word available) . And there is alot more available, not just what he a man can dish out but within yourself and obtain this for yourself. His lose Baby! If wants to live in a cold, cowardly, emotionally entombed shell that's his poor little lonesome perogative. What's yours?
deleted_user
deleted_user
A year is more than enough time to give a guy to open up to you with his feelings. I think it's safe to say that if he hasn't opened up to you by now, it's not likely it's going to happen. Perhaps it's time to move on and find a more emotionally available man.