I apologize that my response may seem nasty...

Are you sure the problem is him? Your description of him going out time to time drinking with friends is a very normal thing for mature men to do. I would hope you would want to go out with friends on occasion also.

It sounds overly controlling, like you feel you should be able to tell him what to do like that... and the threatening to leave him if he doesn't comply seems over the top.

Are there other issues that make you think he isn't ready to settle down? Are there other women? Is he spending money recklessly? What is he like when he is with you? Committed? Attentive? Loving?

Did you go out with him before you were pregnant?

I could personally never be with someone (well... be with someone AGAIN) that tried to control me like that.

and again, I apologize if this is overly harsh.

I kind of agree with Dave on this one. Despite you both having a child now, you both don't need to become home bound. It sounds more like you're afraid that he may stray and you asking him to give up all his friends and free time to only be with you and his child is, sorry, selfish to be frank. It will only push him away. You cant force him to stay with you.

If you can have an abortion without his consent, I'm pretty damn sure you can leave the state without his consent. What? Are you on pregnancy lockdown? Lol, that's a violation of your civil rights. Please beware of where you get your information. Or are you saying you can't leave him because the baby needs a daddy, a partying with the boys, won't settle down, doesn't care about mommy type of daddy. No offense, but this is how he is. Drinking every so often isn't bad, and you trying to change him isn't good. If you don't want a baby-daddy who drinks every so often, then find another. Perhaps you dug yourself in a hole by the two of you getting pregnant before either of you was ready for such a commitment.

Well I guess I can see the controlling point. The reason I put this on here is to get advice to help my relationship no matter how bad the criticism is towards me. I dont want him to stray from me, that is my fear that he will stray or do something to ruin our relationship because the influence of alcohol. Females up in the bar that care only to do damage to our relationship is another concern of mine. I get that he wants to go out from time to time. But, what is reasonable? I dont think every weekend is reasonable or every two weeks. I think once a month should be reasonable. He also tends to be a bit friendlier with females when he has been drinking so that is another concern I have. I know he loves me but, when you start drinking that love gets thrown out the window. I have experienced many heartaches in the past, and I fear another one.

I can understand. My ex's reasoning for trying to control me like that was that she was hurt very badly in the past.

but her stranglehold on me was very hurtful in the end, and was a direct reason for our divorce.

Trust is a key thing in a relationship. If you cannot trust him, then I see two possible reasons:

1) he's the kind of DB that would cheat on a pregnant woman.

2) you are paranoid from past hurts.

If you continue down this path of trying to control him like that, and thinking it is OK to do so, then it will end badly. Trust me on that.

If he is the kind that would cheat, then he will find a way, alcohol or not.

Once a month sounds reasonable, so does twice a month or three times... that is, once the child is born.

Every weekend? If it were one day every weekend, then I would see that as OK.

Good advice to save your relationship... hmm... I would say couples counseling and private counseling. But "he loves me" aside, a person that will cheat, will do it, and it will likely end the relationship. If you honestly think he is a cheater type personality then RUN NOW. Once you are married it gets a whole lot harder to get away.

"He tends to want to go out to drink with his buddies every so often and I have made clear to him over and over that I do not want a man that does that."

So why did you chose a man to father your child that doesn't meet your criteria? You set your standards, ignored them and now want the man you picked to change to meet your needs.

When you go shopping for a blue dress, and buy the red one, do you try to force the blue dress to change colors? I'm trying to be mean, but you see my point.

I don't think once or twice a month out with the boys is too much. Unless it means getting wasted and staying out all night long and/or spending $$ you two can't afford to spend. I don't think reasonable for anyone over 24 and out of college.

You are acting very needy and insecure and that behavior pushes away more men than anything IMO.

Next time he wants to go out, say "ok, baby, have a good time, tell the guys I said hi." Then rent some movies, or read a juicy novel, take a long bath and know that since you weren't a bitch when he left, he will looking forward to coming home to the nice, calm mother of his child.
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By BTW, with your threats to leave, YOU are the one who is adding instability to your relationship.

I don't think once or twice a month out with the boys is too much. Unless it means getting wasted and staying out all night long and/or spending $$ you two can't afford to spend. I don't think reasonable for anyone over 24 and out of college.

Should be "I don't think that's reasonable for anyone over 24 and out of college."

Dave, scarletangel, you both make very good points. I don't believe he is the type to cheat. He has a mother and father that have been married for a very long long time, and have lived a happy marriage and that is what he looks for as well. It's just my fear from past relationships. I guess you are right I need to relax and know that I can't control him, I can only control myself. I will be more understanding and less controlling. In the meantime, I think it would be good for me to socialize as well. I thank you all for your comments whether they are harsh or not it does help give me perspective.

I think that maybe you need some counselling for yourself to help you understand what a healthy relationship is all about. People aren't supposed to meet, fall in love and then abandon all their friends and family for their relationship. You being together is supposed to ad to his life and to yours. Settling down doesn't mean you never go out and have fun, both of you should be going out with your friends, right now you should be looking forward to some serious "girl" time, planning a baby shower and looking forward to becoming a mom, he should be having some guy time and talking about what life is going to be like when he becomes a Dad in a few months. Do you think guys don't talk about that sort of thing? Do you think he isn't excited to share with his friends how he feels about becoming a Dad? Talking with them about what he is excited about and what he is afraid of is part a life. Do you have friends that you hang out with? If not then maybe that's part of the problem. You shouldn't feel that you aren't "enough" to full fill all his needs, that he should just be happy and content to stay at home with you, that's not what life is supposed to be about.
I'll also agree with Dave on this one, you are being controlling and manipulating him into doing things how you want, it's really not ok to threaten to leave him is he doesn't do what you want. The two of you are having a baby together and he has as much right to be a parent to this child as you do, not only that but your child deserves to have two parents, whether you choose to stay with your guy or not, your child's needs have to come first. I don't think you should worry so much about this relationship and him not being ready, ready or not a baby is on the way, but he does sound like he is ready, he's looking for a house for you! He should be looking forward to building a life with your and the baby and so should you, you shouldn't be making him feel like he is about to get locked up for a life sentence. Pregnancy and hormones can make you crazy but they aren't an excuse. You are going over board and you do need to relax and enjoy the experience you are having right now, don't go making yourself crazy and taking away from what should be a really great time in your life.

I understand wanting to settle down, but going out occasionally is not a threat to that. As you should be going out with your girlfriends and socializing as well.

If the issue is limits, you need to be an adult and sit down and have a real conversation. Talk about what the real concern is. What is worrying you? How much going out is too much etc. Communication is key to a relationship. You need to be able to explain what is bothering you and why rather than "forbidding " him to go out or worse getting mad and stewing.

Trust is a huge part of a relationship. He needs to be able to trust that you are not going to run away when there is an argument, and you need to trust that going out with the boys, is not a search for a new relationship.

I think we've gotten down to the real issue: Your fear that he will go out, get drunk, and engage in "questionable" behavior with another female.

But the more you tighten your grip on him, the more that is exactly what he will try to do.

Have you thought about going out WITH him? I know you're pregnant, and, thus, can't drink alcohol, but...would that kill his mojo or the vibe of "guy night"?

If so, go out with some girl friends instead. Going out occasionally with friends is a perfectly normal and healthy thing. It's good for your emotional stability to have friends, as well as a husband, so as not to rely on future husband as the end-all/be-all for your social interaction and self-esteem.

"Settling down" doesn't mean putting the house on lock-down and never going out to do anything besides domestic chores and taking care of the family.

Nina, I just checked your age, and I will assume that your BF is about the same age. I would suspect that his friends are of the same age. I would also suspect that some of his (and your) 30-something friends have children of their own. Perhaps he goes out with his friends to discuss his concerns regarding impending fatherhood. Guys who have "been there, done that". Guy to guy reassurance that everything will be alright.

You also need that girl to girl reassurance and advice.