Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Been married 32 years split once and got back together.
He has always been a touchy feely guy! To the point of annoying! Feeling disrespected I would ask him to stop! I remember him saying it didn't matter how sexy I looked in public because it would show all the guys what he had so I could dress as provocatively as I wanted to (I didn't want to I was raised very religious and I was also sexually assaulted by a neighbour as a child) I was never one to feel too comfortable with sex. He was wonderful when we first met calmly taking his time so i felt safe! After several years of putting up with him gropping me and touching me in inappropriate times I got so upset! Then he became angry because I wouldn't initiate sex, honestly I hated it! I felt too vulnerable! He would get angry about the smallest things and hit me!
My hubby and I eventually split and after many months he got counselling and begged me to come back. He asked me on a date and I said only in a public place. (My kids stayed with him, they didn't want to leave their schools or their friends.) I didn't want to do that to them so I moved away with the guarantee I could see them whenever I wanted to. They were my life.
Fast forward To today. We have been together for 14 years since then and the kids were right he did change! He was never over the top angry anymore he kept saying its not worth fighting. So we got along great. He would hold my hand and we made nice love and all was good!
Then the terrible accident! My daughter with an abusive boyfriend (in my opinion) took her 3 month old new car (she was a nurse and doing really well) he was a terrible man, wouldn't let her drive her car and ran a stop sign and ran her Into a truck! She is brain injured and we are told Jen will be a vegetable for the rest of her life! Her boyfriend ends up with a bump on his head and comes into the hospital demanding control over her as he was her "spouse" he had rights and wished to exercise those rights. Parents aren't allowed to see her! Anyone who sees her must come through me! Parents aren't allowed to know anything medical about her! No information at all from why she has a band aide to what meds she is on! No info! Finally after a year and a half of abusive behaviour my lawyer got his spousal rights taken away! It's never been done. I documented and took pictures and complained in meetings with upper management ongoing! I had had enough! I went into her room and it was cleaned out! All her gifts toys wall hangings pictures, flowers all gone! She was asleep when I went in at 6 pm unusual! I went out to inquire and was met by three top officials! They took me in a room and said he had been there with his parents and believed they cleaned her room out and before leaving he took the big stuffed reindeer I had bought her the day before and decapitated it in front of her and put her facing the wall to a white board that read you only love me! She was left crying infront of this board so they sedated her and put her to bed which is whybshe was sleeping when i got there. i asked if he could finally be evicted from the hospital and they said no, they needed it to be physical abuse because emotional abuse was not enough to charge him!!
I demanded a 24 hr security guard on her door and the door be open at all times! One night he came in, she looked terrified and he told her to speak to him, she couldn't so he shook her leg that was attached to her broken hip! He was caught and kicked out! Why no charges were laid, I don't know. The hospital didn't want the press.
Long story short we have guardianship of her now and she is safe!
We haven't seen him thank God in more than two years!
Now to my question...finally sorry... My husband will have nothing to do with me for the last year!
He told me he is not in love with me anymore. We haven't held hands or touched in years! I have tried talking to him to find out what's wrong!
He says you know what's wrong!! sandy did this Sandy did that! Sandy' Sandy Sandy!!! My husband became a complete non confrontational guy! The boyfriend would poke him! He'd call him on! He'd say we stole all Jens money and we were low lives, in it to steal from Our daughter!!
We had a new car but it was one we bought because we both had good jobs. As soon as this lowlife moved in with our nurse Jen he went off on "sick leave" hurt back, but could change tires and mechanic on the side while collecting govt cheques!
Anyway my hubby tells me he doesn't know if he loves me anymore! I had gone through a depression. Then ended up with heart condition that was brought out by the depression drugs I was on. I almost died in front of Jen. She was smart enough to use my phone and call my sister and when she got there I was blue and the ambulance couldn't find a pulse. I was taken to the hospital and transferred to another hospital where they gave me a pacemaker/defibrillator.
My husband I think was upset because I got a lot of praise for all the documentation I did and the constant calls to the lawyer and spearheading all the information they could use in court to get this animal away from our daughter! My husband said all they talk about is what YOU did no one ever mentions ME!! I hugged everyone who helped us! In particular our lawyers partner who is a helper to families while they go through crisis! He has been better to me than my own brothers! He has been so close to us Jen calls him Uncle Ed! My hubby was jealous of him! What? He has never had a jealous bone in his body! This man did everything for us! Yes I would hug him like I did everyone who was there to help us! My hubby introverted. Ed asked if there was anything he could do for my hubby, I said yes, bring his sister here from Fredericton! He had her on a plane the next day! He surprised my hubby with contacting his all time favourite hockey player Darryl Sittler!
Now my hubby will have zero to do with me. At Xmas I asked if he would cuddle me in bed he scoffed and said No! I tried to put my hand gently on his tummy he grabbed and threw it away like it was garbage!
I am now sleeping in a different room. He doesn't care! I feel nothing but rejection daily!
He tells me he cares about me! I am feeling hurt and rejected all the time.
Problem is we co look after our brain injured daughter (who by the way is doing amazing)
I feel stuck and trapped in this relationship. Everytime I try to talk to him he yells at me and I end up in my own room in tears!
About a month ago he had rejected me so much, I finally went downstairs to his computer (where he spends a lot of his time) and I saw him on 3 different porno sites! He couldn't click out of them fast enough!
I walked away in tears! Couldn't believe it! I had been trying so hard to come passed my phobias of initiating sex and he rejected me! It was so hard for me to do that! And he's been doing THIS??? Why?
Because they are younger and thinner than me? Tears streaming down my face as I write this! I would leave him in a minute, I have asked him to leave, but he says we both need to be here for Jen.
I feel so hurt and I feel so trapped!
My lawyer said hold off! We are still in the middle of court we can't have an upset!
So much for 32 years of marriage!
What should I do??? I'm lonely depressed and would love someone to show me an ounce of affection! I told him it didn't have to be sex, if he could start just by holding my hand or let me put my head on his chest before we got to sleep at night, like we used to. He just yells "OH are you gonna start THAT again?" I asked him last night if he was feeling any better about us? He grunted no! It was my birthday! He said so what birthdays are no big deal! Yet my sons is next week and he's making all these plans for dinner and buying him his dream gaming unit!
To me he said goodmorning happy birthday I thought Jen and I would take you out to dinner where ever you want to go, so I said Montana's, he grunted and complained under his breath because its 50 Kim's away. Where my son lives. I asked if he arranged for Ian (our son) to meet us! He said no I didn't arrange anything!
My son forgot to call me! He's just like his dad! I asked Jen to call or text Aunt Rosie (my twin to wish her a happy birthday) she took the phone and threw it really hard smashing me just below my eye! Told me to stop my f'n crying like a damned baby!!! Not the greatest birthday!
Anyway I don't know what to do. I'm so sad! I feel like I deserve something out of this life with someone who will love me!
I feel like I not only lost my daughter in this accident I also lost a hubby!....so sorry this is so long!
What should I do! I'm at a total loss! Please someone tell me I'm worth loving?
Sandy
He has always been a touchy feely guy! To the point of annoying! Feeling disrespected I would ask him to stop! I remember him saying it didn't matter how sexy I looked in public because it would show all the guys what he had so I could dress as provocatively as I wanted to (I didn't want to I was raised very religious and I was also sexually assaulted by a neighbour as a child) I was never one to feel too comfortable with sex. He was wonderful when we first met calmly taking his time so i felt safe! After several years of putting up with him gropping me and touching me in inappropriate times I got so upset! Then he became angry because I wouldn't initiate sex, honestly I hated it! I felt too vulnerable! He would get angry about the smallest things and hit me!
My hubby and I eventually split and after many months he got counselling and begged me to come back. He asked me on a date and I said only in a public place. (My kids stayed with him, they didn't want to leave their schools or their friends.) I didn't want to do that to them so I moved away with the guarantee I could see them whenever I wanted to. They were my life.
Fast forward To today. We have been together for 14 years since then and the kids were right he did change! He was never over the top angry anymore he kept saying its not worth fighting. So we got along great. He would hold my hand and we made nice love and all was good!
Then the terrible accident! My daughter with an abusive boyfriend (in my opinion) took her 3 month old new car (she was a nurse and doing really well) he was a terrible man, wouldn't let her drive her car and ran a stop sign and ran her Into a truck! She is brain injured and we are told Jen will be a vegetable for the rest of her life! Her boyfriend ends up with a bump on his head and comes into the hospital demanding control over her as he was her "spouse" he had rights and wished to exercise those rights. Parents aren't allowed to see her! Anyone who sees her must come through me! Parents aren't allowed to know anything medical about her! No information at all from why she has a band aide to what meds she is on! No info! Finally after a year and a half of abusive behaviour my lawyer got his spousal rights taken away! It's never been done. I documented and took pictures and complained in meetings with upper management ongoing! I had had enough! I went into her room and it was cleaned out! All her gifts toys wall hangings pictures, flowers all gone! She was asleep when I went in at 6 pm unusual! I went out to inquire and was met by three top officials! They took me in a room and said he had been there with his parents and believed they cleaned her room out and before leaving he took the big stuffed reindeer I had bought her the day before and decapitated it in front of her and put her facing the wall to a white board that read you only love me! She was left crying infront of this board so they sedated her and put her to bed which is whybshe was sleeping when i got there. i asked if he could finally be evicted from the hospital and they said no, they needed it to be physical abuse because emotional abuse was not enough to charge him!!
I demanded a 24 hr security guard on her door and the door be open at all times! One night he came in, she looked terrified and he told her to speak to him, she couldn't so he shook her leg that was attached to her broken hip! He was caught and kicked out! Why no charges were laid, I don't know. The hospital didn't want the press.
Long story short we have guardianship of her now and she is safe!
We haven't seen him thank God in more than two years!
Now to my question...finally sorry... My husband will have nothing to do with me for the last year!
He told me he is not in love with me anymore. We haven't held hands or touched in years! I have tried talking to him to find out what's wrong!
He says you know what's wrong!! sandy did this Sandy did that! Sandy' Sandy Sandy!!! My husband became a complete non confrontational guy! The boyfriend would poke him! He'd call him on! He'd say we stole all Jens money and we were low lives, in it to steal from Our daughter!!
We had a new car but it was one we bought because we both had good jobs. As soon as this lowlife moved in with our nurse Jen he went off on "sick leave" hurt back, but could change tires and mechanic on the side while collecting govt cheques!
Anyway my hubby tells me he doesn't know if he loves me anymore! I had gone through a depression. Then ended up with heart condition that was brought out by the depression drugs I was on. I almost died in front of Jen. She was smart enough to use my phone and call my sister and when she got there I was blue and the ambulance couldn't find a pulse. I was taken to the hospital and transferred to another hospital where they gave me a pacemaker/defibrillator.
My husband I think was upset because I got a lot of praise for all the documentation I did and the constant calls to the lawyer and spearheading all the information they could use in court to get this animal away from our daughter! My husband said all they talk about is what YOU did no one ever mentions ME!! I hugged everyone who helped us! In particular our lawyers partner who is a helper to families while they go through crisis! He has been better to me than my own brothers! He has been so close to us Jen calls him Uncle Ed! My hubby was jealous of him! What? He has never had a jealous bone in his body! This man did everything for us! Yes I would hug him like I did everyone who was there to help us! My hubby introverted. Ed asked if there was anything he could do for my hubby, I said yes, bring his sister here from Fredericton! He had her on a plane the next day! He surprised my hubby with contacting his all time favourite hockey player Darryl Sittler!
Now my hubby will have zero to do with me. At Xmas I asked if he would cuddle me in bed he scoffed and said No! I tried to put my hand gently on his tummy he grabbed and threw it away like it was garbage!
I am now sleeping in a different room. He doesn't care! I feel nothing but rejection daily!
He tells me he cares about me! I am feeling hurt and rejected all the time.
Problem is we co look after our brain injured daughter (who by the way is doing amazing)
I feel stuck and trapped in this relationship. Everytime I try to talk to him he yells at me and I end up in my own room in tears!
About a month ago he had rejected me so much, I finally went downstairs to his computer (where he spends a lot of his time) and I saw him on 3 different porno sites! He couldn't click out of them fast enough!
I walked away in tears! Couldn't believe it! I had been trying so hard to come passed my phobias of initiating sex and he rejected me! It was so hard for me to do that! And he's been doing THIS??? Why?
Because they are younger and thinner than me? Tears streaming down my face as I write this! I would leave him in a minute, I have asked him to leave, but he says we both need to be here for Jen.
I feel so hurt and I feel so trapped!
My lawyer said hold off! We are still in the middle of court we can't have an upset!
So much for 32 years of marriage!
What should I do??? I'm lonely depressed and would love someone to show me an ounce of affection! I told him it didn't have to be sex, if he could start just by holding my hand or let me put my head on his chest before we got to sleep at night, like we used to. He just yells "OH are you gonna start THAT again?" I asked him last night if he was feeling any better about us? He grunted no! It was my birthday! He said so what birthdays are no big deal! Yet my sons is next week and he's making all these plans for dinner and buying him his dream gaming unit!
To me he said goodmorning happy birthday I thought Jen and I would take you out to dinner where ever you want to go, so I said Montana's, he grunted and complained under his breath because its 50 Kim's away. Where my son lives. I asked if he arranged for Ian (our son) to meet us! He said no I didn't arrange anything!
My son forgot to call me! He's just like his dad! I asked Jen to call or text Aunt Rosie (my twin to wish her a happy birthday) she took the phone and threw it really hard smashing me just below my eye! Told me to stop my f'n crying like a damned baby!!! Not the greatest birthday!
Anyway I don't know what to do. I'm so sad! I feel like I deserve something out of this life with someone who will love me!
I feel like I not only lost my daughter in this accident I also lost a hubby!....so sorry this is so long!
What should I do! I'm at a total loss! Please someone tell me I'm worth loving?
Sandy
idk what your husband is going through...but you need to take care of you. I am also a survivor of sex assault....and I tend to turn away from sexual things...my husband was also into the whole porn thing...and I was affected in a similar way.
just hang in there!!!