Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
That's what my mother in law said to my daughter when she didn't want to say goodbye to her cousin. She was upset she didn't get to take a toy home from Gma's house and had an angry attitude and didn't want to be nice to anyone. So she said, "Don't be a baby!" I said, "Don't call her names." She said, "I'm not calling her names, I'm just giving her the choice of acting like a baby or acting like an adult." My daughter is 5 years old. Act like an adult?? I insisted that she was calling her names and that I didn't like it, she insisted that she wasn't and that we just disagreed.
When I spoke with my husband about it he said, "Well you can talk to her about it, but she will never admit what she did and she will always think she's right." Grandma can be incredibly self-righteous and stubborn, and this isn't the first incidence of her snapping at the children and expecting them to act like "adults" and calling them names.
I don't know what to do. Confronting the issue only begets denial and goes nowhere. She feels she is the Grandmother and can treat the children how she chooses. What should I do? What would you do?
When I spoke with my husband about it he said, "Well you can talk to her about it, but she will never admit what she did and she will always think she's right." Grandma can be incredibly self-righteous and stubborn, and this isn't the first incidence of her snapping at the children and expecting them to act like "adults" and calling them names.
I don't know what to do. Confronting the issue only begets denial and goes nowhere. She feels she is the Grandmother and can treat the children how she chooses. What should I do? What would you do?
Instead of bringing up the situation that will only be met with defensive behavior and further attitude... Calmly state that you and your husband have decided and for the sake of your children please do not use the following phrases because they repeat them and get other children in trouble or get into trouble themselves with others (my kids it was at preschool). Then make a list, you might have to keep adding to the list and saying things like I just don't know where little Johnny is getting this type of language (even though you know) but it takes the accusation out of it and at least in my situation made the person feel like a complete arse for contributing to getting their precious grandchild in trouble with others.
I know it's crazy but it worked. I realized that she didn't care if I was upset but if it upset others then it must be a problem. Ridiculous I know.
Good luck. I hope you find the right thing for you... soon.