Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Sorry, this is going to be long.
We have been married 25 year's, we used to go do things togethrr all the time. In the last 20 yrs it's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything with me. All he wants to do is sit and watch TV with his face buried in a tablet, laptop, ect. But if one of the guys call and says lets play some golf he's gone! He goes on golf weekends with the guys while I sit home. I could go do something if I had the funds to do so. I'm on a fixed income and a tight budget. My husband on the other hand makes darn good money. But yet no matter what it is I ask if we can do (go for a walk, the beach) something the answer is usually 1, Silence, which means no. 2, I'm really busy with whatever he's doing. 3, I'm watching this movie right now, which means no. We got new bikes about 6-7 years ago, I was thinking great! We now have something we can do together, he's rode his bike maybe 4-5 times since we got them.
The last couple summers he has taken 3-4 days to go do something with me. To be honest we get to where we are going and he spends most his time watching TV from our hotel room. We go do a couple things then it's "we're running low on funds" REALLY! yet he has funds to drop me off at home load his clubs in the car and go play golf.
I've talked to him about this so many times. HELLO! I may have a disability but I'm not dead!
So this last weekend he says as he's loading up his clubs to play golf with the guys. Next Saturday I'm taking the car to play golf next weekend with Doug ( one of his former employee who live almost 3 hours away). The tells me he's also playing Sunday as well. I just walked away and went into the house. Then he thinks that if he takes me to dinner after he got home would make it all better. I declined and made myself dinner. If we do do anything together it's a party at a friends house, big deal! I don't think I'm a bad looking woman I take care of myself and at 55 I still get carded .lol.
I do have friends to do things with but it's not the same. I feel like a room mate and maid service cook , clean, laundry.
Thank God I have my dog. I'd be so lonely without her.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
He must have some reason in his head as to why he doesn't want to go on outings together. I think I'd try to figure out what that is. It takes two to tango, as they say, and I think you'll have to work together on how to make it more enjoyable for both of you. Communicate and set up clear expectations.
Even though you are not single, this example of going golfing and not spending time with you, is covered in the book. You may find it to be interesting reading.
That situation can be unique to that particular time since travel costs are generally high these days.
You can't really connect that cost to that of playing golf at some other time of the year.
I get the sense that you think he is playing golf instead of doing doing something with you.
Could be true. But it could be that he is just playing golf.
Do the two of you need a better connection?
Yes
Perhaps that could open some thoughts for you both as long as it's done without blame.....
Blame just makes people feel defensive..... So I would perhaps say.... "This is how I feel when you are gone a lot and I am alone....".... not 'you make me feel'
I do agree that if he comes home from golfing and wants to take you to dinner and you say no it's defeating what you say you want
Golf seems to be his passion.... Something he loves to do so I wouldn't try to stop that...... Would you be interested in learning to golf?.... Maybe it's something you could do together at times as well as him seeing his male friends
Do you have your own hobbies or interests?
Big hug..... xo
Golf is something he loves and I have NEVER said he couldn't go ever in the 30 years of being together.
I'm just tired of feeling alone in this marriage. Our frIends have said to me many time. Why doesn't he do anything with you? It makes me feel worthless or that there is something wrong with me, And I don't have to even bring up the subject. Maybe my lack of conversation?
I have talked with him calmly many times, never have we had a screaming and or yelling discussions.
I just think that spending 3 or 4 days a year with me is somewhat insulting , am I only worth that much time to him every year?
I will be ordering that book today.
Yes, I do things with friends once in a while as most of them are out doing things with their husbands .
I'm probably better off keeping my feeling bottled up and continue living this way (as a room mate) because there iis not much I can do about it anyways. I'm just sorry I wasted so much of my life on this marriage.
I left my marriage and I have peace in my life.... It was the right decision for me..... Gentle hug....xo
I have told him ( in a non judgmental way) so many times. I'm just so beyond frustrated and hurt.
He never compliments me ever no matter what . He never noticed my last hair cut and color. I left the salon feelung so good about myself only to feel worthless less then an hour lAyer when he gor home. . I can't believe I'm going to put this out there but... we have not had sex since the end of September of 2016
I'm deeply hurt and yet I have to except this is. I'm tired and I'm done.
Thank you all for your input.
I also have friends I could do things with. Funds are not an issue, but that's besides the point.
Its like we married THEM. and THEIR supposed to be our life partner that we grow old with and get to make memories with. Were only 28 but sometimes I feel our youth flying by us and being wasted. I sent him quite a lengthy text this morning about my feelings. He seems like he gets it but I just don't know.
This is another golf weekend with the guys. This time he has left me with no car for 2 days. But I should just be happy that he gets to play this course for nothing, one of his old employee's from another company. And I shouldn't be bothered that I don't have a vehicle for 2 days.
I'm seriously thinking about finding someone who wants to spend time with me. I know that I don't have to look far.
If you don't golf hang out and drive the cart...
While I was out walking the dog today it came to me, I get it. I'm not going to spend anymore time or energy on this issue. I'm going to start living my own life. He can have his and I'll have mine. I'm in the process of cleaning out the spare room for myself, he snores really bad anyways and it will save wear on the furniture from sleeping on it at night. But I do get it.