Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now and long story short, there are things in her past that bother me but none of them involve me. Should I care?
Let me elaborate a bit...She is the only girl I've even slept with, and she has been with other guys before me one I've met. I hate the thought of her having been with other guys but I'm getting over it because there's nothing I can do about it. It was in the past and it had nothing to do with me. She use to have some bad habits that I don't agree with.
Basically I love her very much but there are elements of her past that make me think that if I had met her 5 years ago I would have wanted nothing to do with her and is she really changed or is she still that person?
I don't know what to do, she has done nothing to me to make me think I can't trust her and she is so loving and caring sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have her in my life.
Can anyone help me focus on the positive and move on because I can't stand the thought of being without her but my mind will not let me let go of her past.
Let me elaborate a bit...She is the only girl I've even slept with, and she has been with other guys before me one I've met. I hate the thought of her having been with other guys but I'm getting over it because there's nothing I can do about it. It was in the past and it had nothing to do with me. She use to have some bad habits that I don't agree with.
Basically I love her very much but there are elements of her past that make me think that if I had met her 5 years ago I would have wanted nothing to do with her and is she really changed or is she still that person?
I don't know what to do, she has done nothing to me to make me think I can't trust her and she is so loving and caring sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have her in my life.
Can anyone help me focus on the positive and move on because I can't stand the thought of being without her but my mind will not let me let go of her past.
In a way, I understand what mean. Because I have no children and because I'm a little bit selfish I would rather date men who also have no children. I'm 35 and that's not realistic either. We can't expect someone to not have a past life.
You must leave that past behind as she has done and move forward to the present and enjoy what is there.
I learnt myself the hard way that dweling on the past keeps you behind...life is too damn short.
Besides it is not your past..you have to accept and move on
Perhaps you fear not so much what she did in her past but that she may repeat her past? If that is the case I can only say that is a gamble that we all take everyday in life. Just remember it is better to live in the present and if you start to see behavior that the past is creeping back you can always determine what you want to do at that point. I guess in my opinion you can never control what others may do but you always have control on what you do.
I wish you the very best in the future and hope you can live in the future and not the past:)