Healthy Relationships Support Group
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So after my break up last month I have been still trying to figure things out. A friend of mine told me something that his ex GF used to say. Her quote was "treat them mean,keep them keen". Now I am not talking about a complete bitch here but I am wondering if maybe I do to much now for a guy when I fall in love with them. I'm 38 and don't really have all that much experience falling in love to be honest. Married the first guy, 2nd was long distance, and then this last one. Here are some of the things I did. When I knew he was tired all the time from work I would have him bring his clothes over and I would wash them. I am not in the least bit one to argue with anyone. If he got mad about something unless it was a big deal I would just say sorry so we could move on. I am not one of those people that always feel the need to be right or say the last word. Id rather just agree and get back to the fun stuff. If was over something important to me I do know how to stand up for myself though. All he would have to do is say he really would like more of those cookies,pie etc... I made and next time he was over I would have it made for him. I knew this guy had it really rough in his life so I went out of my way to make sure he knew how much I cared. My friend said that for some guys that can just be to much especially if they are not used to being treated that way most of their lives and next time to try not to be as nice. He was saying that sometimes you have to act like you don't care to make them chase you, give them attitude now and then and tell them to go to hell sometimes. Someone else actually agreed with him.Said that I would just get walked all over. I am not sure I want anybody else if that's the case. I don't want to have to act like I don't care just to keep a guy in check that just sounds odd to me. Is there anything in what they are saying though? Do guys prefer a girl that will argue back all the time, tell them to fuck off and not be overly nice to them.
Some unhealthy people seem to be attracted to those that mistreat them. Both types are to be avoided. Neither are healthy.
I don't think it can really be attributed to gender as he wrote.. why don't girls like sensitive guys... and you're asking do guys like girls that are mean to them.
I think it's more of a do people like people who seem desperate or needy?
In my experience it's always a little creepy when someone male or female is cloying and fawning all over you... it seems desperate.
I don't think people should play games and fake a personality to land someone... pretending to be mean and argumentative would be as manipulative as pretending you love to do laundry, right? lol
just be you.
isnt it because we want emotional intimacy? to be partnered with someone with whom we can be our true selves, grow and together build something meaningful?
how do you do that if youre mean? or with someone who is mean to you?
are people that desperate to just grab a hold of someone and not let them go if they wanted to? they would rather manipulate them into staying?
i dont know, the world seems very weird to me as the years go by...i must be old fashioned or something
i want to be with someone who wants to be with me, where theres mutual affection, respect and attraction, where we see ourselves as a team, where we have each others best interests at heart
maybe i'm the weird one????
Honest? Forthright? Willing to speak up and give me her opinion, even if her opinion is of me? Yes.
Also, sometimes guys are just used to being treated bad, and when they are treated nice it's not normal for them... that could also be what's happening.... you have to find the right person for you.