Sounds like you definitely don’t want to be in the marriage anymore. So that’s one decision made. You could move in with your parents as a temporary situation, see how it goes & make a plan of where to go next. That’s what I would do...

That's what I was leaning towards -- just scary taking the next step. I believe an unhealthy upbringing is what made it possible for me to be in such an unhealthy relationship. Never wanna repeat of this awful type of relationship with such a cold, emotionally unavailable person. seems like I married my mother. He's worse in some ways, better in others.

Do you have a job? If so, then you can probably afford even a small room in a house. Personally, I wouldn't go back home. Under your parents roof, you're usually under their rules...even at 40. A single room that's yours, and yours alone is better than that.

I left your husband! Actually, I mean mine, but he was emotionally unresponsive, uncommunicative and totally apathetic toward me and our marriage. After knowing him since I was 21 in 1983, I finally got a divorce from him in 2017. The reasons I stayed so so long have everything to do with my upbringing and the relationship (or lack thereof) with my parents and siblings and how that warped me and my understanding of healthy relationships.

I say you're already on the road to recovery if you have figured out why you ended up with him. Going back home would be tricky, but if that the only alternative, I'd go for it. I've lived in one room places (college years) and it's pretty depressing - not for me at my age. If you can distance yourself emotionally from your mom, and understand that you will have to set boundaries with your parents and have no expectations of emotional support from them, it could be worth a try. Like a business deal. Give yourself a time frame for when you want to be in your own place, and keep that date firm.

Pawprince,

What are the pros/cons of living with your parents or having a room someplace. I did both when I was 25 and found the room to be a better situation for me.

Moving back with parents was like moving back into a world of dysfunction. When I rented a single room in an apartment complex that rented out single rooms I met another young woman and we decided to get a place together. So maybe finding a roommate is a third possibility.

If you don't have a job you may want to consider a live-in situation; that way you could address two situations at once.

Or I'd find a women's center and ask them for more suggestions.

Best to you.
SuzA

If your mother was abusing she'll probably fall back into that again.... I think it could make you feel even worse

I would try and get some type of a job if you don't have one now even if it's with a temp agency

A shelter will help you move towards the next place in life.... There's a lot of support at shelters

Even though it may not be where you want to be there's a lot to be said for some peace of mind..... Big hug...... I wish you well......xo

Thanks for all advice. I had a job-- I've had many jobs and quit because of the stress in the home and depression and anxiety as well as another health condition which leaves me exhausted. Seems like I can't handle the stress of a job on top of the awful stress and dysfunction at home.

So, it's hard for me to get $$ and therefore a good exit plan going that way.

Plus, I'm the caregiver to my ailing small dog, an 11 yr old Pomeranian. His indifference toward me and my beloved animal during this time is just it for me.

I have been with this man for 12 yrs. He's anger prone, narcissistic tendencies and the worst I think is feeling so alone in the company of a person you have known for so long. And are married to. Makes me very sad that I've spent this time with someone so indifferent, so cold

Hurts that I'd allow that for myself. Working toward recognizing where I went wrong, how I let this treatment continue, trying to fix it.

I know I need a job. I hope I can get one that works for my situation. I will check into shelters, but I should've mentioned in the beginning that I will bring my dog with me wherever I go.

Hi there, it sounds like you have already done the hard bit and made up your mind that your relationship is over. Is there any way, while you are preparing to leave to squirrel away some cash so that you can accumulate some savings ? I did this and also make sure that you have all the paper work and documentation that you need.
I can understand your reluctance to live with parents, are there any shelter's who could help you out ? emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse so may be they could help you find somewhere ?
One you are free,even if you have one room it will be so worth it.
I so wish you well and am thinking of you.

Thank you for all advice and well wishes. It does help. Emontional abuse is hard to live with, it's hard to think clearly for sure ...