Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I take constructive criticism okay. I try really hard to do things right, but when I screw up I am able to own it, but I am sensitive to the critique, so a person doesn't have to beat me up with it, just tell me, I'll fix it. I like to do it right. I feel good when I do good work, and I like a challenge, it energizes me.
I can deal with that kind of criticism , but it's the other kind of criticism, when it's not about the task and how to do it better, but about control, and belittling. I'm sure I am hyper sensitive to it because of my past; an emotionally abusive relationship and a supervisor at a previous job who bullied me. But my hypersensitivity is causing me trouble now. In the past, I was way over do to stand up for myself and get rid of those toxic people in my life. But now, I don't know how to turn down the volume.
I've been reading on ways to handle it better. Everything I read says, "don't take it personal" I finally ran across this reply to an article and liked it very much because it says how I feel when I am reading"don't take it personal," I just think, but it is.
By Vicki Brown
There's a Very Good Reason why it can be difficult to accept criticism without taking it personally. Criticism _is personal_.
Let's look at the first two definitions of criticism at dictionary.reference.com/browse/criticism
1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything.
2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.
The _act of passing judgement_ as to the _merits_ of something.
The act of passing _severe judgement_, _censure_
_faultfinding_.
Let's read that last one again. Faultfinding.
What we need isn't an article; on how not to take criticism personally. What we need (what many managers, teachers, parents, "coaches" need) is training in how to give Feedback without giving criticism.
I can deal with that kind of criticism , but it's the other kind of criticism, when it's not about the task and how to do it better, but about control, and belittling. I'm sure I am hyper sensitive to it because of my past; an emotionally abusive relationship and a supervisor at a previous job who bullied me. But my hypersensitivity is causing me trouble now. In the past, I was way over do to stand up for myself and get rid of those toxic people in my life. But now, I don't know how to turn down the volume.
I've been reading on ways to handle it better. Everything I read says, "don't take it personal" I finally ran across this reply to an article and liked it very much because it says how I feel when I am reading"don't take it personal," I just think, but it is.
By Vicki Brown
There's a Very Good Reason why it can be difficult to accept criticism without taking it personally. Criticism _is personal_.
Let's look at the first two definitions of criticism at dictionary.reference.com/browse/criticism
1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything.
2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.
The _act of passing judgement_ as to the _merits_ of something.
The act of passing _severe judgement_, _censure_
_faultfinding_.
Let's read that last one again. Faultfinding.
What we need isn't an article; on how not to take criticism personally. What we need (what many managers, teachers, parents, "coaches" need) is training in how to give Feedback without giving criticism.
You have me thinking, and I haven't even finished my coffee yet!
A true lead does not protect their position by belittling those that work for them, a good leader does not hold any fame, but has done a good job when the workers feel successful. This does not mean showering them with praise, it means laying out goals that are achievable and realistic and giving them an opportunity to succeed and reach that goal. That is how a true lead offers others the joy of work.
I understand how you feel.
In the workplace Im happy to take criticism as a way to improve at work and learn more. I like to have something to respond toand achieve a goal.
but when Im not in professional mode I struggle and go from professional together girl to gibbering wreck!!!
And how can we not take PERSONAL criticism personally?
In a job situation (in particular in regards to a boss), well, ignoring/ walking away, can/ will effect your job performance review/ paycheck. Cant say Ive been in exact same situation as you (as I dont know all the details), however I have had bosses, who had pretty high expectations, where I could do most everything perfectly, and theyd push harder. In some cases, Ive been the highest performer in my functional group, where I have 3-4 times the workload as my co-workers, and still got dumped with more (where the slackers, well continued to slack lol). Because my boss knows I am conscientious, and will do my best to get it done. However jumping through hoops, on a continuous basis, can wear one down quickly. Especially if working extra hours, with little to no thanks, just criticism.
Basically, what I do in such situation, I look for a different job, while doing what I do, with a smile, and not complain. Complaining about a job (to the boss in particular), almost always backfires, get labeled a trouble maker (even if youre the most awesome worker otherwise). Very few of my bosses, understood my job (my responsibilities), and there wasnt a clear metric on job performance (a metric like, make X parts in X time frame). The job description pretty fuzzy, leaving you to define it.
If my boss complains that I am not getting something done in a timely manner, I show them my list of things to do (I always kept a list, of things I accomplished in the past, and what Im currently doing with a due date). I may or may not ask my boss help me prioritize my list (which tasks to work on first), and/ or ask them to help delegate (co-workers). If I am not doing something correctly, I ask them for some guidance on how to do it (who do I talk to, do I need more formal training?).
If my boss is still complains, and *I* know I am doing the best I can, then, I just politely smile, nod my head (acknowledge) and say ok. Then keep doing things the way I have been doing. Again, while looking for another job.
I can handle hoops, but if you give me hoops there has to be a place where you have successfully made it through the hoop.