Healthy Relationships Support Group

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Decisions Decisions

sfagrad
sfagrad
I am currently dating a guy that is an airplane merchanic. We have had two dates and things are going good. The problem is he is gone alot each month, like 25 days out of the month. He has been upftont and honest with me about thingss so that is good. My problem is that it is triggering me to think about how bad thnigs were with my ex. Zero communication, he kept me in the dark and i would just wait form somethnig to happen. I am terrified of the dame thing happening again. I am trying to get myself t orealize they are two different guys and the situationd are different. I am trying to decide if I want to have a relationship with the new guy. Has anybody been through something like this?
shelle68
shelle68
I would really think hard about being in a relationship where he is gone so much of the time.
drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
Being in a relationship with someone that you can be around only a couple of days a month is tough. It would take a lot of love and dedication from both sides to keep a relationship like that from being a failure. I will not tell you the path you should take. I know that you will probably make the right decision for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Personally, being with a man who I only had to see 5 days a month sounds like a dream relationship to me. I would love all that "me" time.
Then, if he gets on your nerves, you know he will bounce for 25 days.
REDOAGAIN
REDOAGAIN
TTMI, I'm with you.That sounds just about right, but I'm incredibly jaded., so my opinion on that should be taken accordingly. sfagrad, it's been two dates, you're smart to be looking at the big picture. It's very easy for someone you see rarely to be the perfect guy. Your always glad to see each other, it's always a big date, you miss each other, and he can be on his best behavior for 5 days a month. You really won't know who he really is though. He can be whoever you want him to be for 5 days a month. The past relationship aside, just looking at this one, is that what you want in a relationship. 5 days a month with someone you don't really know?
dsb188
dsb188
I feel like if he was upfront with you and has been honest than the problem isn't with him but its with you and the baggage you are bringing to this relationship. I notice sometimes people (not intentionally) push their insecurities on someone else. If you can't handle being with him than I would call it off. Its not fair to him and honestly its not being fair to yourself. Even if you like the guy its okay to say this situation isn't for me. You have to think of whats best for the both of you.
sfagrad
sfagrad
Thank you everybody. We have only began discussing this. I have some questions for him that might help me with my decision. I hope i get to see him next week. I got so used to my ex going and comings that at first i did not think I would mind not having a guy around all the time. I am sure I do not want to go through that again. I am still up in the air. I will not string him along though, once I have made a decision he will know either way.
koolman
koolman
A woman who is married to her job? Yeah, i've been through this.
sfagrad
sfagrad
He loves his job and I cannot expect him to change jobs for me. We just need to talk this through and probably go through it once just to see.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hmm I wouldn't have imagined that a mechanic would be travelling so much, I thought they'd be working at an airport not flying around! Lol
The question isn't about you not knowing what's happening, it's if you want a relationship with someone who isn't around very much. He can talk, text and skype with you and have a lot of communication but you'll still be spending most of your time without him. If that works for you then give it a try.
sfagrad
sfagrad
He works for a chater service, where ever the plane goes he goes. I am thinking that I would like to give it a try. We will be talking about it.
namaste02
namaste02
Haha! TMI....I'd consider that perfect too!!

Sfa,, this comes down to how much you need/want someone to be around and what works for you.....
Maika
Maika
I envy your situation. mine is here all the time...never a break! lol
deleted_user
deleted_user
Give some time to your relationship. I hope everything will be fine soon.
Shine14
Shine14
I find it strange that no one has picked up on the fact that your previous relationship is what is having such an influence on your feelings.
Sounds to me like there are unresolved issues relating to your ex that should probably be dealt with before getting into a serious relationship with another man. You need to be fully disassociated from your past relationship in order to give the present one a fair chance. Blank slate and all that.
Being cautios as a result of past hurt is wonderful - it shows you are not some dreamy little girl with her head in the clouds and learn from your experiences - but as you said, this is a completely new situation, unrelated to what you experienced previously.
Gotta let it go if youre going to move on.
sfagrad
sfagrad
I just do not want to have the same thing happen again. I do want to have a reltatiomship with another man. I want a good relatiomship.