Ah yes, been there and done that.

The bottom line is that there is not one single person you could or should be with. There are a huge number of potential partners in the world and they all have differences. The only way to find someone you want to be with is to date.

It sounds to me like your gut is already telling you that the bf is not the one. At least, you have some serious doubts about it. Listen to your inner self. Don't get pulled into something out of convenience, guilt, or desperation; you deserve more than that.

Here's a little bit different perspective. Good post, Satcom. In a way, I agree. And, in a way, I kinda don't.

I'm in my 40's too, am dating a wonderful man. Not my first boyfriend since the divorce, but he's gonna be my last boyfriend (smiling here!). AND are there other hot men out there?

Sure.

Noticing that is normal. May not mean anything. Then again, it may not. What matters is how YOU feel about this guy that you are with. It's only been 6 months. See what another 6 months brings. Or now? You know in your gut.

L~

thanks so much for your thoughts. I want to at least have coffee with mike and i would tell him i am seeing someone. I think it may help me decide if i really want to get to know him better.

My bf has just been so respectful and kind to me so I feel bad that, for some reason, I want to know more about mike. I had really just wanted to explore dating for awhile and then hoped to find that special one. which actually may be my bf but without getting to know other men's personalities and how i fit with them, how do i know? Is that a stupid idea?
My ex would never let me even be friends with a man. he could have women that were his friends.
L, congrats on finding your special one! Satcom, I guess i dont feel guilted, just totally confused!

I understand how you feel. I have been seeing someone for about 7 dates and I don't feel that "spark" with him but he and I have a great time and he is a great guy and treats me well. I have felt that spark before and it didn't work out. I think that for myself I am going to give it more time and see if thing grow. I too feel like seeing other people just to know. I am not exclusive yet with this guy. I think in your case you have been dating for 6 months and yes while confused, it wouldn't be fair for your current boyfriend if you go out and meet someone with intentions of a possible relationship if things worked out. Put yourself in his shoes and if you were really into someone and they did that you wouldn't be happy. I think the right thing to do is to let your current boyfriend know you want a break or some time alone to explore your feelings more. When we try and hold on to something to see what might be better out there we don't have an open space to bring someone new in. It sounds like you have doubts with the guy you are with, so best go and explore as it seems to me you would know by now if this person was someone you saw a future with and other men wouldn't even interest you. Best to your decision!

Just know what you want before you commit. Make sure you REALLY get to know him first. After my divorce I married the first man I dated. It was a whirlwind romance and I did not take enough time to get to know him before committing . Had I done that I would have walked away before spending the next 10 years in a Hellish relationship. I am still in it and we have serious issues but not as bad as the first 10 years.
My fault but my self esteem was so low and I felt I should attach myself to anyone who would have me. If I had it to do again I would really take my time and make sure the guy was one I could be happy with and him be happy with me. Just a thought....

I think that we will find ourselves attracted to more than one person throughout our life. It's only natural. The big question is, do you feel yourself wanting to try something with this new guy more than pursuing your current relationship? Because you didn't immediately say to the new guy that you had a boyfriend tells me that you would like to consider options other than your current man.

I think that six months is enough time to know whether you have a future with someone--not necessarily whether or not you want to marry, but after six months we know if we are wanting to continue to move forward with someone and see our future with them in it. I don't think you feel that way about your current man. The fact that you didn't tell the new guy immediately that you have a boyfriend speaks volumes. Sounds like its time to reevaluate your current relationship and decide if it's what you really want.

It's okay if it doesn't work out on your first try. No one expects their first relationship after divorce to be "the one". If you're not feeling it for your boyfriend, he needs to know. Don't string him along until you find something better. If you want to date other people, he needs to know.