Beauty4Ashes, I'm curious what prompted you to suddenly "realize" your SO's aversion to commitment? Did something happen recently to call into question the status of your relationship? I'm not trying to nitpic, just looking for a little clarification so I can offer an informed opinion :)

Suddenly "realized"? I don't think I'll be needing your opinion, thank you. I've know about it since before I joined this site, and I am here now looking for support in my journey. It's not anyone's position to determine what my situation is or isn't or what I should or should not do, otherwise all efforts would be misguided. I believe this site is here for encouragement. We are all going through something, so I don't need to come here and receive more stress from someone else's attitude and assumptions. Take care and please stay out of my very vague posts.

WOW.

Just...

WOW.

Do you really expect anyone to help you when you bit the head off of the very first person who asks for clarification in an attempt to better assist you? Chicadea wasn't rude to you in the least but you were quite snippy with her. I, too, wanted to ask how you could not wonder about an aversion to commitment for 2 years. You can't control what others say to you, nor can you keep people out of your posts. I'm not sure why you're so particular about the kinds of help you receive. Its usually this type of attitude that indicates someone wants to be coddled and supported in whatever position they are taking rather than being open to honest feedback that may make them think of things from another point of view.

I agree.. Chicadee has not said anything rude, I am not sure what set you off exactly, but it was uncalled for.
One thing that I really like about this particular forum is that people challenge you to think and they do so by asking questions as well as offering experience and sharing knowledge.
Please, Try not to be so defensive.. No one is attacking you. You are welcome to talk if you need help.

Hello poster, meet Public Advice Forum where people CHOOSE to go on here, post topics, and solicit advice.

Otherwise, per your snotty answer to Chicadea, I could say:

Hello poster, meet Brick Wall who will not question, comment, argue,discuss, collaborate, or, in general, respond.

WOW.

I agree the poster's response to chicadea was overboard, but if I may play devil's advocate... I think chicadea typing the word realize in quotations may have been misconstrued. (Or not, depending how what she meant by typing it that way.) The last thing I would want is to feel worse because others think I should have figured out my boyfriend's commitment issues in a more timely fashion, which is how I and others could interpret "realize". It hardly matters whether it's been 2 years or 2 days. Just my observation.

Devil's advocate argument doesn't fly when Chicadea made the disclaimer that she wasn't trying to nitpick but just wanted clarification!

Take it easy She. It may not have been nitpicking. It may have been something else entirely. Chicadea's response was interpreted negatively by the poster. You could make an inference as to what Chicadea typed in a number of ways. Beauty has a right to make a vague post. She wasn't asking for advice or opinions. She made it very clear she was looking for a support team of people in similar relationships and that was it. Not all things can be explained in a single discussion. Also sometimes people are not ready to disclose it, especially to complete strangers that may not even be having a similar experience. As for her reaction, right or wrong is not my place to decide, I suppose. Reactions are fueled by a lot of things, not just the need for coddling as you suggested.

Beauty4Ashes,
I'm sorry if came across as judgmental or prying... my bf is something of a commitmentphobe too. He was clear with me about his fears from the beginning so I had a choice to accept him and Us, as is, or move on. If he'd been talking about getting married and having babies from the start, then 2 years later said he didn't want a commitment I'd feel very pretty betrayed. Are we in the same boat? I don't know but, maybe it's a similar enough schooner to provide each other insight.

Everyone else: Thank you for overlooking my clumsy wording and seeing the intention in my heart. *hugs*

Peace

oh Geez! I want to chime in!!!!!! lol


Is a guy really a "commitmentphobe" I mean is it really a thing?

I have never really thought about it like that. I would just assume that the guy didn't like me enough to commit. I wouldn't have enough confidence to label HIM with a disorder.

but who knows

Stop being bossy, 17!!!! You're trying to control people, too!!! Lmao.

ShastaSue, I hear ya but, I would label myself as a borderline commitmentphobe too haha. I'm made entirely of scar tissue and good intentions stitched together; the Promise of Forever isn't something easy for me to trust at this point so it's something I don't need offered. :)

Bossy? Hardly. Just trying to make sure the poster doesn't abandon ship because of the responses and the fact that she may have had a kneejerk reaction to an incorrect interpretation of semantics. Just trying to see both sides of the fence. I'm done discussing it. This post is not about me. I don't want to hijack the original post about guys/girls with commitment issues.

Beauty, I may have a similar situation to yours. I'm not sure. If you ever want to share your story or hear mine, you can let me know. Good luck to you on your journey.