Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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koolman 03/02/2015

Anyone else find that the people they choose to date and become involved with tend to remind them of one or both of their parents? Not physically but personality-wise, intellectually, emotionally?

I sure do. My Vietnamese honey was very much like my dad, nice and stable but kinda dry in the emotional department, practical, technical, boring, surface-oriented, doesn't like to go too deep.

This red-hot chili pepper from Dominican Republic and Russian-Polish girl I was into both reminded me of my mother, fiercely independent, temperamental, extremely intense, driven, workaholic.

I don't know what the hell I'm looking for at this point. Maybe someone somewhere in between? Maybe someone a little more dreamy and artistic but still has some common sense?

ShastaSue 03/02/2015

I HAVE noticed that!

Not right away though.. My Dad was a hard worker & after work he always had a home project in the works. Clean almost to neat freak status. Hubby is like that too.

My Dad was more of a give in compassionate type though.. My husband shares the never give in or say you were wrong or sorry trait with my Mom! lol

mellowamethyst 03/02/2015

Not I, I avoid people similar to my parents like the plague. There are no words to describe either of them, I just know once you've witnessed pure evil, you don't tempt fate twice after escaping it. In a partner, I look for the opposite of what I've seen growing up.

I can imagine it happens often with many couples though. I remind my husband of the traits he loved most about his mother, but I'm also the opposite of the traits he most despised about her.

redheaddiva 03/02/2015

I have absolutely noticed that too. AND...realized now that my finace is NOT like either parent and...maybe that's why it's been an overall successful relationship?

My biological dad is a drunk and, while my ex-husband was not a drunk, he was a tyrant like my bio dad.

Maybe I subconsciously picked my fiance because he DIDN'T remind me of either parent. Or maybe he's a successful balance of the two. I dunno but, I have noticed this, in general, as well.

Aronia 03/02/2015

Not exactly.
Both of my parents were selfish. One was stupid, the other one crazy.
I want normal and kind, but I do like risk
Takers.

Missy73 03/02/2015

I didn't think I chose people like my parents but I've been forced to reconsider. My husband and mother hated each other so it wasn't obvious at first. Once my husband left me for another woman, the marriage counselor asked if I recognized that I recreated the same dysfunctional relationship when I got married. Now the similarities seem a lot more obvious.

LivingWater 03/02/2015

When I was 19, I had a brief sexual relationship with an older man who was virtually IDENTICAL to my father. Very Freudian, very creepy. When I was 25 I married another man like my father (though not as much older). He turned out to be abusive, had all of my father's flaws without having any of dad's virtues!

Because I was single most of my life, I came into contact with a lot of men. (If I'd been married, I'd have been involved mainly with husband, but being single, dating, "looking", I met scads of men all the time! It was eerie, but I'd meet "repeats" of people I knew before! Similar looks, mannerisms, etc.

They didn't all resemble a parent, but they began to resemble EACH OTHER.

jaymee4647 03/02/2015

My husband and my father share the same Birthday. However, my H is 20 yrs younger and NOTHING like my father.

holehearted 03/02/2015

I have noticed that, and a lot of what I read supports that theory.

OldCodger 03/02/2015

My father was a waste of space, and I failed to follow in his footsteps.

My mother was loving, but rarely was able to physically express it. So what of my list of past loves, were any of them like my mother?

My first love most certainly wasn't, she was a very touchy feely person.

As for the rest, then maybe they were, but not necessarily exclusively so.

foundlove 03/03/2015

It's hard for me to tell what my type is at the moment. At this moment in time, I'm happy alone. I don't even think I've had a type ever. I've dated all kind of different personality guys. None of my ex-boyfriends were similar. I liked them all for different reasons. Hmm, I guess don't have type.

Giselle123 03/03/2015

I married the opposite of my father. My father was a wonderful bread winner/ hard worker but very strict. He was not that touchy feely or warm. My ex of 28 years was easy going, easy to talk to but is not very driven. He also was not loyal like my dad was. He cheated when an opportunity opened up to him. So now I'm not sure I'd want either of their personalities. Hahahaha

Autumnal 03/03/2015

@koolman what you need is a Taurus/Pisces mix LOL.

All my bf's have been like my father. Quirky/moody/artistic. Its a tough type and Ive tried several times going for another type but it never works.

lovingmyselfirst 03/04/2015

Absolutely! my mom is a narcissist and i married a narcissist...now in therapy undoing the harm and learning to chose wiser..

rosykitten 03/04/2015

This is interesting. I never thought of that and I am going to say that he isn't like my parents at all. I'm glad that he's different and that's what I like about him

koolman 03/04/2015

I'm a Taurus, PatternSkies. Are you a Pisces lol? I've been with a Scorpio, she did in fact have well-manicured talons like a Scorpion and I found being with her a bit cold and limiting.

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