Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Vanillasky82 06/20/2012

Hey there,

I'm in quite a pickle. My gf recently decided to end a rather long and complicated relationship. Pain is an understatement as I am trying to piece together my life having spent the last couple of years fighting against her alcoholism and serious mental illness.

Here's the problem now I am still working in the same office as her. Its been rather excruciating to say the least trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy around my colleagues and being friendly around her. I do make an effort to do things for myself outside of work but I constantly have this so near yet so far feeling because I am still madly in love with her even though she has been a constant disappointment.

Any idea how I can get over this and still work in the same place? I don't want to leave this job because of the monetary benefits and colleagues here are good people. I also don't think its a good idea for my ex to leave either as the environment seems to be helping her with her problems.

deleted_user 06/20/2012

That is a tough situation to be in and I don't have much advice to give other then to take it one day at a time as best you can. I am not sure what type of work you do but if there are other departments perhaps you could still work at the same place and not have to work directly with her so often. Or even seeing about working some different projects that she is not directly involved in at work might help a bit.

Everyone has a different time span on the healing process and hopefully in your situation things will start to get easier for you. I know you wish to continue working at this place but it doesn't hurt to check other jobs out that may offer you the same or even better benefits if things do not improve. Also who knows you had mentioned that the work environment seems to be helping her and it is possible it will encourage her to possibly want to improve her working skills and pursue other opportunities in advancement at another place of employment. Time will tell.

Anyway I hope you start to feel better soon and things will get easier as time goes by. Wishing you all the best:)

deleted_user 06/20/2012

Just limit your time with her when you have to be around her. Just because you work in the same office doesn't mean you can't ignore her. Of course be polite but that's all you have to be. Try and let the love feelings go - it will take time to heal but tell yourself that you deserve to move on and have a better relationship with someone else

CowgirlKathi 06/20/2012

This is a prime example why getting involved with a co-worker is never a good idea. Perhaps you can put in for a transfer to another department or area of the building. If not, you're going to have to keep your cool and not compromise your job. Good luck to you.

deleted_user 06/21/2012

No contact. It's like rehab. A time to step back from the forest thru the trees. Distancing does wonders. And time. That work place thing does make it that much harder. Like being an alcholic and working as a bartender. Other interests and activities. The other dept was a good suggestion. Or perhaps even a different locality in the office? Deligate contact with her to other ppl? Avoidance. I understand, ur poor brain is going for a loop right now.

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