Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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hangin0n 09/01/2009

Two years ago, I told my husband I didn't love him and that I wanted a divorce. He flew off to the coast to be alone and cried. I've only seen or heard of him crying and that was at his father's funeral. I really hurt him. We decided not to get a divorce. I'm treating him better since ai've been on certain meds for bipolar disorder...still, like tonight, when he's reminded of that time, it makes him sad and a little withdrawn. I want to reach out to him, but I worry that whatever I do will only deepen the sadness. I don't want to ignore it, though. Should I just give him space? I'm afraid if I tell him I love him when he's thinking about this that he won't believe me. Any words of advice or wisdom?

deleted_user 09/01/2009

I would say do what you feel is right at the moment. I think it is alright to show your affection and let him know you love him. You don't always have to say the words sometimes little gestures can show a person how much they are appreciated. Maybe rent a good movie that he has wanted to see or night out and even a simple card can say so much.

A person can't change the past but they always can change the future and make things brighter. Just follow your heart and trust your gut to do what you feel is right for each moment. Best wishes to you:)

deleted_user 09/01/2009

Get your bipolar under control and watch what you say DONT say things on the fly or when you are angry only say things when you are calm.

deleted_user 09/01/2009

When you are angry go punch a pillow or run around the block a few times.

deleted_user 09/01/2009

I really doubt that when he is "sad and a little withdrawn" that your reaching out to him would ever deepen his sadness. Not reaching out is the approach my wife takes, and not reaching out is what deepens sadness and distance. I say, at least in her case, not reaching out is a sign of cowardness.

deleted_user 09/02/2009

Now that your bi-polar condition is under control, consider the possibility of seeing a minister or marriage counselor either as a couple or, if he refuses, by yourself.

Sincerely,

OldChurchGuy

deleted_user 09/02/2009

Counselors are intermediaries. They just allow you both to talk freely and openly about concerns.

You don't have to pay big$$ for that or have the religious characters do it for you -but they are typically distant enough that they won't have biases toward either of you.

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