I seriously need help. I am so lost and hurt. My anixiety is winning and I haven't eaten in like 3 days. Everytime I try to eat I get nauseated by the feeling of heartbreak. Basically I ended my relationship with my ex boyfriend in July and was FINE. I ended it over his jealousy. We got into a fight that turned into him ignoring me for a week. (He's done this multiple times). So I ended it and relied entirely on God and my best friend. It wasn't until August that I gave into him and was working on things with him. He begged for another chance to prove that he would handle situations better. I told him we weren't going to get back together until he could trust me. We were fine up until the end of August.

I went to the mall with my best guy friend and he found out and instantly thought I was dating him. Once again, he started ignoring me and wouldn't talk to me. A week later he reached out to me, but it was just to hurt me and call me a hoe, slut, whote etc. So I gave him space and reached out to him tonight. Which I will always regret because I'll never forget what he said to me. Basically to sum it up he never wants me talking to him again and that I'm a cheating whore who's hurt him for the past 3 years and that he could careless about me.

I know I am none of the things he's said. However, when you've loved someone this long their opinion means the world to you. The things he's said has really messed with my head and self-esteem. I've been with him since my sophomore year in high school. Before anyone assumes he's a bad person I can assure you he isn't. I wouldn't have spent 5 years with him if he was. I don't know what has gotten into him but it breaks my heart that I'm losing the person that means most to me. I do not recognize him.

My heart is broken entirely. I know it'll get better eventually. But what if he always thinks of me as this person that I am not? I can't control how our relationship ended, how he feels about me, or how bad it hurts me. I wish I could explain how I am feeling. I am trying to stay strong but everything reminds me of him. Flashbacks appear and it seriously hurts so bad. I am considering going and talking to a professional. I don't know how to let this go. I am okay with a break up on good terms. But what I can't handle is him thinking of me as something I am not. I have been nothing but loyal to him. I have such strong morals and I'm probably one of the few 20 year olds who actually take relationships seriously. It's so hard to find genuine people.