Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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leopardfreak 03/02/2009

i dont know what to do any more with with so i turn here

i was dating this guy for about 5 months have our issues , but him and i are working on them

delema he thinks my best friend abuses me menatly
and my best friend thinks hes abusive to wards me
and they hate eachother

funny part is i think there both mently absive but only the bf is admitting to be so ... and trying to come up with ways to help it ...

should i ditch both of them and go my total seprate path or do i have to choose ... my bf has been in my life for many many years is it time i say bye

help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aronia 03/02/2009

Well, what do YOU think? What do those relationships mean to you and is there any benefit for you from them?
We can't chose our parents, we can't chose to be born who we want to be, the only thing we can choose is to modify ourselves and our environment.
Best friend and a romantic relationship usually mean pleasure, support, sense of accomplishment, growth and what you give is reciprocated.

If they both make you miserable, it IS time to move on.

ChiTownBear 03/02/2009

good question, I think if it is driving you to the point to ask about it, maybe you already know the answer. Some times it is good to have a friend that really cares about us; we all want that. Friends are suppose to be there for you, not against you. They are to listen, have fun with and share your darkest secrets with. Not to yell and shut you out, not to ruin a good day or night and certainly never cross our minds as abusive if they are really a friend.

leopardfreak 03/02/2009

oops ment to put best friend not bf when i said has been in my life for years but ... my so called best friend i dont know what to think of him latly because hes mean to me he tries to make it into a joke as a joke but it hurts alot...

but also seems like every bf i have isnt good ... the only one he didnt have a problem with it the long distance one , prolly cuz i could still go do what ever and my friend didnt have to worry about it taking up his time with me

deleted_user 03/03/2009

Right let me see if I understand this your best friend is a controling and mentally abusive man and your new bf is also the same. I'm seeing a pattern here aren't you.

My opinion is that you need to get yourself into counselling, your doctor can refer you. You need to get some new friends even if they don't start off close. Start gradually spending less time with controlling men and start focusing on feeling good about you and enjoying your life. It will be difficult and these people are going to do and say everything to make you feel bad to stop you from changing. Do not let them succeed. If you are strong enough to have a clean break then go for it. Good luck and remember you deserve to be treated well

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