Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Ok, My husband has had laryngitis for about a month. He's been to the Dr. twice. The advice both times is that's it's viral. Gave him a couple of home remedies and over the counter meds to help, but mainly said go home, sleep, and rest. Recently, he's been coughing up tons of junk from his chest and blowing the same junk out his nose. Here's my annoyance...how many days has he missed from work? None. How many days a week is he working late (mind you he owns his own business and his regular work day is 5am-6pm M-F and 5am-Noon on Saturdays)? At least twice a week which is typical for him. How many times has he been too tired to make dinner when it's his turn? Too many to count. Help our daughter with homework? He hasn't been. Help put our kids to bed? He hasn't been. So, he's keeping his regular routine at work and does NOTHING at home. On top of that he talks to customers in person or on the phone all day long. He also talks to emplyees all day. When he gets home, he won't talk to the kids or me because he has to rest his voice he says. If I call him, he won't answer in order to save his voice. I'm really sick of this. I've always suspected work is more important than home life. Now, I have undeniable proof. My question: Do I have a right to be ticked off or am I being inconsiderate? Thanks in advance.
On top of that...I would be super pissed about him not talking to you on the phone. That's just rude.
Now I think if he normally is really great at balancing work life and home life...then u need to cut him some slack. You need to be understanding of the pressure he is under on top of his health not being so hot right now...so u need to step it up around the house to help him out during this time. Try and give a little extra and he will appreciate it tons. Tell him "hon, I know ur sick so until u feel better u focus on ur work and what's really pressuring u...just remember the kids miss you...maybe we can have lazy movie nights til u feel better?" And I bet u will see some effort because u understand and it will make him feel appreciated.
JMO
Thanks everyone so far for your opinions. I will try to cut him some slack. So far, I've been able to keep my mouth shut about it to him.
Now, if you'd HELP him at work, or HELP him bring in money by doing your own side business, then, yep, you'd have a right to expect him to help you at home.
I think you should redefine both of your roles in your head. You're the homebody and he's the one off making the bacon.
You could always talk with him about ways to both of you down-size your lifestyle so he doesn't have to work so much! Are there any financial expenditures that you guys don't really need that could be eliminated?
I appreciate everyone's comments. We talked about it...I'm just overly grouchy with some things going on with my daughter's school and her IEP (she has sensory processing disorder and on the autism spectrum); it has me very stressed out and worried. Hubby agreed to no more extra time beyond 5am-6pm M-F and Saturday mornings until he feels up to helping out around the house too. I agreed to take all of his phone calls for him at work when I'm there (usually about 30 hours a week), so he can rest his voice. Still hoping he gets better soon, but it's a compromise that will work for now.
Thanks again!
I so understand your position as my post made it sound like I stay at home. I do not. I work about 30 hours a week in his business; I would love to stay at home or substitute teach (mostly because of my mother in law) but it just kills my husband when I bring up leaving the business. We work well together on a professional level. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.