It's gonna hurt because it matters---

unfortunately i know that sentiment all too well. now if certain someones out there would catch on to the fact that it doesn't have to actually hurt maybe they see why it matters.

p.s. i have two very amazing people in my life atm. what drives me nuts is the others that have decided to be not so amazing. pointing out here that they decided not me.

But doesn't it hurt to not go where we want to go, say what we want to say? We all would love our partners approval and I think that sometimes in relationships we lose ourselves a little bit (or a lot). What would it be like to just show up fully as ourselves in a relationship and just ask for what we want, without being attached to an outcome? What do you think?

@DivorceRedefined I really agree with your statement! Well said!
To me, the quote is saying that there are risks to be taken in relationships, and in life. We risk being misunderstood, hurt , rejected, and the best things in life are often worth the pain in taking those risks. I hope that makes sense!

It does make sense Diana and I think it's some deep, hard work. Thank you for posting this!

I'm interested in the part of your post that reads. " but these growing pains are tough"!

It's difficult to know the true intent and point a poster is trying to convey without a specific situation.

In my opinion we instinctively are who we are. We are individuals with certain likes and dislikes and ways of being. I feel if we have to change and "grow" by leaps and bounds to make it work with a partner that maybe they just aren't the right person for us. BUT.... each of us has to make that decision for ourselves, No two relationships are exactly alike and every person needs to weigh those pros and cons for themselves.

So I guess I don't know if I can relate to that quote or not. Because sometimes hurt is just hurt.

Thank you also DivorceRedefined!

You make good points, ShastaSue. My growing pains involve learning how to have healthy boundaries and overcoming my fears.

I have also been guilty of holding on to hurts from the past and used them as an excuse for not moving forward in my personal life/marriage. In fact I have actually gone backwards in recent years.

But I am now being very honest with myself and it's humbling to admit my mistakes. It hurts, but it feels good too because it's an important step in healing and moving forward.

You're right though, each person has their own unique perspective.

I see! I'm with you on that one, I can relate to not wanting to move forward with a relationship after I've been hurt.

I feel it's possible only if the person who hurt you is able to fully validate your feelings and admit they made a mistake. If someone tells me " Get over it already" and tries to make me feel I am in the wrong by having been hurt in the first place there will be no moving forward for me.

Hopefully that is not the case for you! I hope your feelings from your past hurts have been fully validated and whoever hurt you made a mistake and it's not just them being who they are and seeing no reason to change.

I'm reading the quote over and over again and I have reached the conclusion that I can't really relate to it. lol... sorry. It's the line.. " or someone you're afraid to love" that I'm having a problem with. In my opinion ( as narcissistic as it might be) I feel I really know who I am and I trust my instincts so if I am afraid to love someone, there is probably a pretty darn good reason for it. could I be missing out on bliss? Maybe, but bottom line is I don't think love should take a huge amount of changing who we are on first reflex.

Thanks so much for the great topic though.. I love to ponder deep thoughts!

Diana, I so agree. Look at it this way: Hurt is better than indifference and feeling nothing!

Thanks Koolman! Yes. Sometimes hurt is a catalyst for making positive changes! But I fear I'm being redundant with that statement. :-)