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I think I need some advice on how to relax in stressful situations, like in dealing with my sister's 3-year-old son was yelling and screaming at me because he didn't get his way, and I lost it a couple times and yelled back. I'd never hit a child, but I sure yelled!
When he was younger and lost his temper, as long as he didn't get physical I yelled a lot.
I always figured if I had to chose between screaming at him or whipping his ass I'd rather yell.
So I never hit him..
I think for the most part ,you are human and have a limit . he's 3 . he's probably not gonna remember you yelling at him. .
Its probably the mom you'd have more to worry about if she hears you lol.
But in that same regard be careful what you say. Words can hurt a hell of a lot worse than asmack on the ass
But you have to remember it IS a child youre arguing with. A toddler even lol.
Don't bring yourself to that level. Find another way of dealing with his temper tantrum. Put him in a time out (if you're allowed to)
One thing I've learned in dealing with my son and parenting class after parenting class, is when youre dealing with a child and you really want to get a point across, do it on their level. Don't stand over them and talk or yell,
But bend down to their height and look them in the eyes. Make sure they maintain eye contact with you. And if you're requesting them to do something make sure they repeat the request back to you.
Hope this helped a little. I know it didn't address your question of how to control your temper,
Maybe count to ten, take deep breaths, or just tie them up to the ceiling fan and watch them go....jk
If I recall correctly, with my kids, tantrums started around 1 1/2 years old, peaked around 2-3 years old, and continued until maybe 5 years (when they had much better reasoning/ communication skills), though the tantrums did taper off somewhat around 3-1/2 to 4 years old. Every child develops at a different pace of course. My 11 year old son still occasionally has temper tantrums, but then that is related to sensory issues (he has mild autism).
What I have found to work best, is keep firm on the boundaries (don't give in, unless of your request is unreasonable-which is a whole other thread lol), then back off, and let them ride it out (ensuring they do so safely).
If I felt myself losing it, again, if I felt they were in a safe place (not hurt themself, or someone else or damage property), then I'd walk away.
Trying to talk or reason, in the midst of a tantrum, usually did not work for me (by this point,they are usually pretty far gone). Usually made it worse (but that is just my kids). Instead I'd wait to talk to them after they calm down. This work on adults too lol!
Humor/ being silly can help (a tip I learned from the book "Playful Parenting") or in the case with my 11 year old son (who has mild autism), bringing around the kitty (he loves kitties) would sometimes snap him out it!
Or..sometimes I'd play,"I can throw a more ridiculous tantrum." It was great because I was stressed, I actually did a dramatic whinny show like "but I want ice cream even more than you do now" and rolled on the ground pounding it till my niece looked at me and was like "you're faking it." She could assess I was ridiculous, not focus on her own feelings, was a bit concerned for me, and I got to blow off some steam in a good way.
All I can say is nothing in this world feels as good as facing high stress kid situations and coming away knowing you've kept your cool. Not absorbing the emotions of the child and that you've retained your adult composure.
That actually holds true for adult tantrum throwers as well.
If we can rise above it. We are in a good place. Personally, I like to repeat the mantra.. "Two wrongs don't make a right" it helps me for some reason.
We are only human. Shake it off, forgive yourself. apologize to the child if you feel you need to and hope to handle it better next time.
I would want to know if the child has some developmental problems and if the parents are aware and working on it. At that age kids dont really understand a lot and act intuitively, so i d say that when he is yelling, if you ignore it and be more attentive when he is not, things may turn for the better.
If it was my sister's child i would probably bring to her attention that the child is yelling and figure out if this is the way they speak to him or to each other at home and how this reflects on other people in his life.
Parents hate to be criticized, so it has to be approached with creativity and sensitivity. I d say something like : " i noticed that when he is communicating with me he gets really loud. Most people on the outside of the family do not respond well to yelling children and i am concerned about how other people will respond to him, because strangers have a lot less tolerance and understanding. I want him to succeed in life as a person, lets figure out how we can teach him to communicate more effectively with outside world so it does not become frustrating for him and everyone else. This will only benefit him in the long run"
This would be a hard to reach long term goal, especially if parents do not see it as a problem.
The short term goal is to withdraw, walk away, not respond to bad behavior and eventually he will understand what to do, it will just take time as he matures. It will take at least a few years until you can tell him to lower his voice if he wants to be heard.
Hope this helps..
Long story short, never engage in behavior which you don't want them to imitate and incorporate into their social skillset.
Perhaps a situation like that is an opportunity to explain in a calm and rational way that life is full of disappointments. That we will never get everything we want and we have to learn to accept it and have more realistic expectations.
Aronia: The kid's environment is TOO strict, I think, TOO structured, and he's reacting appropriately, blowing off steam. He just started pre-school, which I think will be good for him in mixing it up with other kids, especially other boys, to learn that he's not necessarily the biggest, baddest boy on campus. He'll have to learn to play nice and share.
"That we will never get everything we want"" So true, SimpleGuy, and that's exactly what I told him! Like the Rolling Stones song!