I am that same person and have tried to strike up a relationship with someone like that too and it hasn't been good. I don't think people realize the power of being single or being with oneself. I came to realize I liked certain foods, I was good at other hobbies etc. I tend to do the following when I try to jump into a relationship because I've been hurt in the past:

1. Constantly question someones motives
2. Second geuss myself
3. Overthink everything
4. Wait for someone to hurt me
5. Cut off people before they have even done anything wrong
6. Automatically retreat
7. Start arguments or try to end the relationship over something stupid.

I have realize I do these things and I am in therapy. I am happier by myself right now until I can approach a person and treat myself and others with the respect they deserve. I'm not saying I'm a disrespectful person but I don't think its fair to others or myself to not feel 100% good about myself and try to convolute someones life.

I am happy by myself and I think I would make a great partner again but I would rather work on myself right now.

Yeah, i too do this. I think "this is too easy" and I look for ways to challenge myself as well as the other person, and the way to challenge myself is to create problems and make us both suffer and be miserable. I put up mental and emotional blocks. I think "there has to be something wrong with this".

I'm working on relaxing and chilling. I want a relationship, when I'm ready for one, to be completely calming and soothing, for both of us, free of anxiety, and at the same time stimulating and pleasurable, in the sense that we like the way each other look and we can make each other smile and laugh. If it's not pleasurable, what's the point?

I don't have any insight. I can only say I am feeling the same way. I have had two serious relationships in my adult life and minimal dating outside of those relationships. My current relationship has hit a very low point and may be ending. I feel such disappointment and pain regarding my past relationship and my current one that I really don't see myself wanting to give it another try. I become anxious and upset even thinking about it. I think I worry that I won't ever be able to have a lifelong partner because there is something wrong with me.

I think it can be incredibly hard to totally overcome the fear of being hurt or disappointed by others again, and if we have found that we can enjoy being alone, it seems to make it even harder to put oneself completely out there to work at a new relationship.
I keep thinking to myself that maybe it is because the right person hasn't come along yet and am hoping that if really the right person comes along I wouldn't think twice about putting in the effort and taking the risk.

yes I feel the same way. I am exactly like dsb188 except I can be abusive , I'm not proud of it, but I recognize it now. It's taken me a long time to see this, and it acutally leaves me powerless.

To think I can change someone else to fit my mold of what i think a person should be for me to be able to handle my life, is utterly ridiculous.

So I go to CoDa and also an empowerment class and those two things are helping me.

I plan to go to therapy too once i get some insurance as I am unemployed right now and trying to find work is hard.

Relationships are seldom equal. One person cares more than the other. At least that's how it's been with me. And usually I was the one who cared more. Now that I'm older, I find I don't want the drama. I enjoy being alone or with family and friends.

Living - I completely agree.

I have no desire to deal with the pettiness and drama that comes with a relationship. My energy is better spent in things that matter.

I am coming out of an on and off relationship with a man like this. I know he has been hurt and so have I. We've both been through some extremely traumatic past relationships. The difference is that I'm very self aware and have worked for years on my issues. I feel I do pull away to some extent when I'm getting close, but he does it 1000x more. And we were hurting each other so much. Only I realized what was going on and started reading about it and talking to my therapist about it and going to coda meetings and things. He has a little self awareness but not a whole lot and makes very little effort to overcome his fears. I've tried everything imaginable to be accommodating. But I constantly feel abandoned and rejected. He will spend time with his friends but never invite me to do anything. I tried going back to just friends so we could start from scratch and takes things very slowly (for both our sake) but the chemistry is so strong and he is always the one who immediately takes it back to an intimate level. We've gone several rounds of no contact and then I always end up talking to him again after two weeks. Today I'm having a really hard day and I really want to go back and I'm trying so hard to stay away. All I can say is to be more aware of what you're doing and remind yourself why your'e doing it. Try to force yourself to stay with those uncomfortable feelings and eventually they will become more comfortable. Also, read about Avoidant Attachment Style and about commitment phobia. There is an excellent book I've read and also given to my guy called "He's Scared, She's Scared" which completely described our dynamic to a tee. It talks a lot about the push and pull and running away, from both sides.