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Following up on Attraction types Secure, Avoidant, and Anxious.
Secure types attract 52% of the time to each other. They attract 39% of the time to Anxious types, and 9% to Avoidant types.
Avoidant types attract to each other 41% of the time. They attract to Anxious types 36% of the time, and to Secure types 28% of the time.
Anxious types attract to like kind in 53% of cases, they attract 36% of the time to Secure types, and to 11% of Avoidant types.
Secure types are considered to be the healthiest of the Attachment types, with Avoidant being the least healthiest.
I am considered a Secure type, and throughout my dating life I attracted to me no-one of the same Attachment type, and I believe in part this explains why I am now permanently happily single.
I find Avoidant types to be argumentative most of the time, they are never wrong even when you expose them as being so. I find Avoidant types uncomfortable to be around.
Anxious people are clingy people, I have first hand experience of this thanks to wicked abuse of my daughter, overnight she changed from Secure type to Anxious type, such is what trauma can do to you.
Secure types attract 52% of the time to each other. They attract 39% of the time to Anxious types, and 9% to Avoidant types.
Avoidant types attract to each other 41% of the time. They attract to Anxious types 36% of the time, and to Secure types 28% of the time.
Anxious types attract to like kind in 53% of cases, they attract 36% of the time to Secure types, and to 11% of Avoidant types.
Secure types are considered to be the healthiest of the Attachment types, with Avoidant being the least healthiest.
I am considered a Secure type, and throughout my dating life I attracted to me no-one of the same Attachment type, and I believe in part this explains why I am now permanently happily single.
I find Avoidant types to be argumentative most of the time, they are never wrong even when you expose them as being so. I find Avoidant types uncomfortable to be around.
Anxious people are clingy people, I have first hand experience of this thanks to wicked abuse of my daughter, overnight she changed from Secure type to Anxious type, such is what trauma can do to you.
I'm curious to know, in addition to the time, what PERCENTAGE OF THE POPULATION is these various types. I'd venture to say 10% secure, 50% avoidant, 40% anxious.
The percentages vary, of course, according to changing situations and trauma, as you said, as situations affect people's moods. Agree?
ALso - the secure types - I'm one of them - but I often wonder if two secure people are not the "right" match.....if those two secure people are independent and not needy - who is pushing for a relationship? I can see why avoidant and anxious people work together - the avoidance feeds the anxiety and it becomes a horrific cycle...and two anxious people - mutual misery would be nice....
Agree, Coping. If we're both secure, what the hell do we need each other for?
Also agree about the avoidant attracting the anxious. The anxious one buzzes around the avoidant one like a fly around a light looking for attention, while the avoidant one avoids or picks and chooses the times he or she wishes to give affection. This is probably the most common type of relationship.
Two anxious types buzzing around each other like flies is probably also a pretty common relationship. Seems to me two anxious types would be an "on-again/off-again" type of relationship. Occasionally the two anxious types meet, collide, spark each other, then go buzzing around each other some more.
This merits further thought. Could you re-post those definitions of avoidant, anxious and secure here again, Codger, for easy reference? I'm trying to remember the definitions of each according to your previous post.
"SECURE: You find it relatively easy to get close to others and are comfortable depending on them and having them depend on you. You don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to you.
AVOIDANT: You are somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; you find it difficult to trust them, difficult to allow yourself to depend on them. You are nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want you to be more intimate than you feel comfortable being.
ANXIOUS: You find that others are reluctant to get as close to you as you would like, you often worry that your partner doesn't really love you or won't want to stay with you. You want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
Attachment types tend to gravitate more to their like kind although secure types are more broad in choice, one in two will attract to same type with the other one in two attracting to one of the other two types.
Attachment type is established in infancy with the mother being primarily responsible for."
The mother comment I find particularly interesting. My mother was very affectionate and nurturing toward me until I turned about 6 years old and grew out of the cutesy phase. Then I think I became a burden to her, she became a bit cold and conditional with her love, just wanted me to clean my room and do my homework and other chores, be independent and away from her, along with implanting her fears into me, which is still the way she is toward me to this day. Hence, I have learned rejection, workaholism, fear and worry from my mother.
No stats were provided re the percentages of the respective Attachments types which leaves one with no other conclusion but to say 33% across the board.
It's apparent that both Avoidant and Anxious types of people are insecure types of people, and that leads me to believe that if two Secure types are in a relationship with one another, then they are in the healthiest of relationships as well.
Being other than a Secure type has mental health ramifications. If you are either Anxious or Avoidant then now you know why, you have a better understanding of yourself and thus you are in a better position to deal with shortcomings you previously had no control over.
Babies have an innate sixth sense, they are masters of reading body language as well as observing and feeling emotions. I doubt that your mother was as secure around you when you was a baby than you otherwise think.
And in answer to your question, yes I agree.
If I had to guess, overall, most people are anxious, closely followed by avoidant, then secure (low percentage)... Though maybe slightly more anxious women, and slightly more avoidant men.
I base this on my own dating experiences (I'm a woman, only dated men), as well as stories I've heard. I've dated both avoidant and anxious men, very few I'd consider secure. But divorce will do that to you! As it did to me!!!
Also, my younger brother was more temperamental than I. He'd throw horrible temper tantrums in the supermarket and would push my buttons until we'd get into knock-down physical brawls as kids. I'm sure that contributed to my mother's wanting to distance herself from us.
Of all people you are deserving of happiness and pleasingly you have identified with it. Now go find him, he is out there waiting for you I'm sure.