I have a bit of a heavy situation weighing on my mind. My boyfriend just accepted a very demanding and powerful job at a firm in downtown DC, after being stuck at a stagnant job in the suburbs of Virginia (we both live in the city and I work in the city... he lives with friends and I live alone). I am very concerned that when my boyfriend starts this job, he's going to forget about me. I've looked at the company and some of the people who work there, and there seems to be a lot of fast-paced guys who are ambitious and also like to live life on the fast side and don't really look like they have girlfriends (they're around our age...25). He's always had somewhat of a blown-up image of himself, but has shown signs of insecurity, so I've always wondering whether or not his "blown-up" and absorbed self-image was due to his insecurities about himself. A normal accomplishment for a regular guy would boost his ego insanely. So, when he got this job, I immeditately noticed he saw himself as more powerful and more important. I was so proud of him, but it made me sad because he became so full of himself, and almost acted as if I didn't really exist. I think part of this I may be making up in my head, but part of it is real. I have had massive anxiety about this for the past two weeks, so it's hard to tell at this point if I'm just projecting it or if he's actually acting this way, or if it's a combination.

For some reason, I feel like I don't deserve to be with a successful man, and that now that he has this job, he'll choose a fast life and prettier girls over being stuck with me. I'm not confident enough to say "wow, that's a great opportunity for him!" and stick with the thought that it will only enrich our relationship and not set it back. I'm paralyzed by the notion that the second he begins this job, I will still be dating him, but I will no longer be of importance. This guy has a tendency to blow hot and cold, and cold especially when he feels like other aspects of his life are doing better. I do not trust him with my feelings.

I am in love with this guy. I have known him for a very long time and can confidently say that I am head over heels in love with him when things are going well for us. I could never lose him or give him up, but at times he has treated me very poorly. Still, it makes me physically ill to think about him leaving me behind for this money driven, fast career he's about to start. I'm very attractive and guys have told me before, but I still don't have the confidence to stop myself from thinking he will leave me.

Last week we got into a three day argument in which I let all of my insecurities show- for what it was worth, he didn't contact me all day on Tuesday, and I finally contacted him and said that I found it disrespectful that he felt comfortable going a full day without talking to me. That set everything off. In my head, I felt like because he got this new job, his ego was boosted and he already began the process of throwing me out. We fought and fought over the next few days, and I kept asking him if he wanted to break up. He just kept saying "I can't have this stress in addition to starting my new job! I don't want to break up with you or lose you, but I don't want to drag you through the mud either!" We would fluctuate between deciding that we were going to stay together, and then deciding we would break up. He told me that the next month may be tough for us because of his transition, but he would be focused on me on the weekends and it would pay off in the long run. He would say that and then go on 6 hours later to change his mind. Finally, on Thursday, he called me and we got into the big blow out: we both hysterically cried and cried and thought we were going to break up. He didn't feel like he had it in him to give me what I wanted, and I wasn't happy with him only calling/texting/contacting when it was easy for him. I felt like a real man could handle his schedule (I have many friends who date successful men). I gave him an ultimatum, and said we either work it out or go our seperate ways, and that I wanted to work it out. When he finally stopped crying, he said he wanted to work on things too and we decided that we were going to get through this.


This past weekend we went away together and things were incredible. We were back to our old selves and totally in love. He told me he loved me multiple times and we talked about future plans for the summer months together. We were so connected and I didn't feel like he was pulling away anymore. After I dropped him off at his place, he texted me and told me about something he wanted to do in the coming weeks with me. He was back to being his old self, and I was so happy, but also so terrified that I would lose this moment with him as soon as he starts his new job (next Wednesday).

I am terrified for that day. Right now we are great. I've told myself I need to focus more on myself if I want this relationship to work. I need to support him, but also do my own thing and be more independent. When I let my insecurities show and I told him that I was worried he would choose his new life over me, I looked needy and not confident. He's reassured me this weekend that this is what he wants. But how do I stop worrying? The anxiety racks me. I can picture him going to work, not wanting to speak to me for days on end, not calling me, and me having to call him every night and having fake conversations. Him going to bars with work friends (since he's finally got a job in the city) and meeting girls with these guys who have money and fast lifestyles themselves. Him being exhausted from a long day and just not wanting to deal with me. All of these negative thoughts come into my head, but not the positive ones about our potential trips and time on the weekends. I just keep thinking about all of these scenarios he MAY get into, and how we will have a long, brutal, drawn-out breakup in which he will slowly pull away and stop communicating with me until I have to get into another fight like we did last week and give him an ultimatum..

How do I stop worrying and this anxiety? Is this rational? I am so paralyzed and terrified, it eats at me physically and mentally. I can't keep being co-dependant on him, so I've tried dialing down on the texting and I go for long 10 mile runs. Still, these uncontrollable thoughts are so hard that sometimes I need to take sleeping pills to sleep at night. He's done his part in reassuring me this won't happen, but I don't trust him not to leave me. I don't want to bring this up with him again because I don't want to stress him out, so I would love any and all support from you lovely people on this board. Thanks again.