You said your wife is vaguely on board with the idea. IMO, having a baby isn't something that should be compromised on, both partners should want to have a child. One partner shouldn't just go along with it for the other partner. Having a baby is a lifelong commitment or at the very least, an 18 year commitment.

You talk about a loud mouth, poop factor, drool monster for 2 years and it will be a struggle to have a baby to take care of. The early years are the easy years with raising a child, it gets more difficult, more stressful, more expensive, more of everything as the child gets older.

Why do you feel your life will be meaningless if you don't have a baby? Whether or not someone has a child shouldn't determine their worth or how meaningful their life is.

If you want to be pushed to do better, to try harder, to live up to your potential for another human being IMO, people should do those things for themselves, not for someone else.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have a child, what I'm saying is you and your wife need to look at the big picture, look at the next 18 or more years. Having kids is something both partners should want to have to add to their life not in hopes of filling some void in their life.

JMHO

That is a lot of responsibility to lay on a child. You should not expect a Child to make u a better person. If you think a baby is the answer to your problems...u are going to have more. I'm not saying to not have a child, but you need to rethink your reasons. It's not something to make a vague eh sorta kinda decision on. For the reasons u have listed it would be selfish...its all about making u better, fulfilling you..etc etc. Good luck with whatever u decide. Make sure its what u and your partner really want...

When you solve problems, life gives you different ones anyway... it's not like anybody gets spared.

I guess I look at reproducing at all as a pretty selfish act. It's saying my genes deserve to go on. What could be any more selfish a decision? to decide your genes will likely survive you takes a certain amount of...willingness to roll the dice on someone else's life.

Because once the child's here, here they are, whether they have some sort of bizarre genetic error, or severe deformity, or who knows what? They are here.
And while I will keep them for 20-some odd years, they have to live with whatever they have for a lot longer than that.

As far as the wife goes...she is more rather "Ok, but you know this won't be fun."
My brother is 10 years younger, and had colic...yeah, I know it's going to be stressful.

What I'm saying is I recognize this isn't rational or logical, wanting one. On the other hand I keep crying when people talk about their kids. I've been like that for about a year now. People talk about how much they love their kid or kids, and the waterworks turn on.

Besides that...any relationship changes you and pushes you to be a better person. Not that it's the kid's responsibility to "make me" better, it's more that I will be required to be a parent, which is hard. Hard work grows you as a person.

The kid's responsibility is to soak up love like a sponge and learn how to be a decent and functional human being over the course of 20 or so years. Their job is to grow up. They have no other important function.

Hylierandom...thats the first time I have heard anyone think of reproduction like that...I personally disagree. Having children is a beautiful event in ones life. It is two people wanting to create life together and have a family. I only thinks its selfish to have children when u can't afford to take care of them properly, trying to fill a void, or something of that nature. If everyone stopped having children because of fear of passing on "bad" genes...we would go extinct. Americans especially...the way we eat and lack of health care...we are very unhealthy in general.

I apologize if u took me negatively...that was not my intention. I was only responding to what u wrote.

" Too, I want to be pushed to do better, to try harder, to live up to my potential for another human being..."

A child is a lot of responsibility...all I am saying is make sure this is what u want. What ur wife wants and commit to it %100. Otherwise the road may get a little bumpy.

If u decide to have a baby good luck! I wish u all the love and patience in the world. It will be a beautiful event in ur life and you and ur wives relationship will grow and change. You will not only be someones wife, but now a mommy.

I'll be right over, and we can conceive one (just kidding)!

Temporary loss of sanity, eh? We all get it. I'm "always an uncle, never a dad", and it's amazing, when I'm with my niece and my little nephews, the paternal instinct naturally emerges. I'd make a great dad. I get depressed, but my body is in great shape, so there's no doubt some mixture of that genetic makeup would get passed to my son or daughter. And I only get to see the little guys when they're behaving reasonably well, and don't have a sense of the financial struggle involved with raising a kid. As soon as I get a whiff of that, I run for the hills and am thankful I'm progeny-free.

Well, as you said, the deck is slightly stacked against you and the kid. You could always adopt, a young child, say about 5 years old, so they're already past the diaper and toddler phase but still maleable, when the weak-conomy turns around (if ever that happens)! God knows the kids in Haiti, after the God-awful earthquake took many of their parents, need new homes!

"The kid's responsibility is to soak up love like a sponge and learn how to be a decent and functional human being over the course of 20 or so years. Their job is to grow up. They have no other important function."

I like that, and that's where we come in. Truth be told, sometimes love is TOUGH love, and being a parent means sometimes laying down the law, and fighting them tooth and nail on some point as a matter of principal. They need to know who's boss. They need to respect their elders. Later that will instill in them a respect for the law and police, and will keep them from doing things that could land them in prison.

If you're not down for laying down some discipline and fighting with them for dominance, you'll just be a weak doormat that they run all over. Some kids are easy to raise; others are pure hell. Look no further than how YOU were as a child. Can you see yourself raising...yourself, or a child who is at least a portion of yourself, a portion of some man who may not be the nicest cad?