Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I have been see a girl for a few months. Well I say seeing but we really have only been talking because she goes to school 3 hours from where I do. But we are from and live at home in the same town. We have been out a handful of times and we talk everyday.
Well long story short, my grandmother who I was very close with passed away early monday morning. I had plans to go see this girl this weekend but now I'm obviously not going to. When I told her I could no longer come visit this weekend she said "I understand" but her voice sounded like she was a bit upset with me. Today I got one text message from her saying that she wishes I could come see her this weekend.
The issue is really that I go to mass with my mom and grandmother every sunday morning. It has been that way for as long as I can remember and this sunday is going to be the first sunday without my grandma. It is going to be hard for my mother and I want to be there for her. There is nothing that could take me away from my family ever and especially in a time of need.
I know that I overreact and probably am right now but am I wrong to think that if this girl is mad or upset at me about this that she is just not the one for me. I like her a lot but I need someone who is very sensitive and shows emotion easily, she hasn't really done that much yet but then again I haven't known her that long.
I'm just curious, am I crazy? I guess I just don't think she's respecting where I'm coming from right now, or maybe it's not an issue of respect but that she just doesn't understand.
Well long story short, my grandmother who I was very close with passed away early monday morning. I had plans to go see this girl this weekend but now I'm obviously not going to. When I told her I could no longer come visit this weekend she said "I understand" but her voice sounded like she was a bit upset with me. Today I got one text message from her saying that she wishes I could come see her this weekend.
The issue is really that I go to mass with my mom and grandmother every sunday morning. It has been that way for as long as I can remember and this sunday is going to be the first sunday without my grandma. It is going to be hard for my mother and I want to be there for her. There is nothing that could take me away from my family ever and especially in a time of need.
I know that I overreact and probably am right now but am I wrong to think that if this girl is mad or upset at me about this that she is just not the one for me. I like her a lot but I need someone who is very sensitive and shows emotion easily, she hasn't really done that much yet but then again I haven't known her that long.
I'm just curious, am I crazy? I guess I just don't think she's respecting where I'm coming from right now, or maybe it's not an issue of respect but that she just doesn't understand.
or...maybe she just needs more time to learn who you are and what your needs are and she just doesnt understand that this is important to you.
I feel it's normal to be upset that plans were put on the ice, or cancelled, no matter what's the reason. I understand you feel like she should be more supportive, but it usually takes me a bit of time to get used to changes in plans, and my bf is the same.
If you tell her that it is important for you to assist your mother through these hard times, and discuss it thouroughtfully with her.
Did she ever had someone close to her who died? that might be a factor, also... If never, she might not be as sympatetic than if she had...
that's just my two cents....
"If the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed" --random quote out there. It has some truth to it. If you explain it well enough and if she's capable of understanding, then she will believe you and there won't be any problem from your end. Don't take it personally if she drops her baggage on your foot. But you are the one looking out for your family and in mourning. You are in the right.
Thanks again everyone.
This young woman should be touched by your devotion to your grandmother and your sensitivity to the feelings of your family. It strikes me that she is being extremely self-absorbed, but perhaps she is just insecure.
A few months after I started seeing my boyfriend (of 6 years now), I had to attend the funeral of a child whose parents are friends of mine. It was on a Friday afternoon, and we had previously planned to get together that evening (he lived 4 hours away at that time). I knew that after a funeral that was bound to be very emotional, I would not feel strong enough to make such a long drive in the dark, and suggested that I come over on the Saturday morning. Well, he got really bent out of shape and was going on and on about how I was breaking our commitment. I tell you, it almost ended our relationship right there. I could not believe someone could be so self-centered.
Yet there is always another side to every story. I came to realize that he was extremely insecure and had difficulty trusting because he lost his mother at age 7 to suicide. They didn't have any grief counselling for children in those days, so he was a very hurt little boy.
The other thing I got to know about him through this was that he likes to have everything organized in advance and gets upset if plans have to change. I like to be spontaneous, so it makes for an interesting dichotomy in our relationship; but I know I can count on him to keep his word, and he is very dependable and punctual.
So, by all means, please attend your grandmother's funeral with a clear conscience. She was a lucky woman to have such a caring grandson. As for the young lady, you really need to get to know her better. She sounds very young. You are not crazy and you are not overreacting. You have a lot of integrity. You deserve to be emotionally supported when you've had a major loss like this.
All the best to you and your family.
BW