Wow, sorry to hear it, in a way I'm in a similar boat. I'm pretty straightforward at first too. I don't go into big details but I admit that I have depression issues. I don't get graphic about it. The main thing for me is the trauma from coming from a violent, dysfunctional family and the things that happened. My main issue is, "are you going to beat me up like it happened before?" Not that I say that outright-but effectively that's what I am unintentionally saying in a roundabout way.

This last time I talked about it on the third date. It was so anxiety triggering, I thought I was going to have a panic attack at dinner. He was so laid back, chill and said he "had the capacity" to listen.

It was all a façade. Weeks later in the middle of a discussion that turned to more serious things, inadvertently, he suddenly revealed his true feelings and abruptly told me he was "uncomfortable with our conversations." He started backing off and making excuses after that. I was stunned and horrified and felt like I had to walk on eggshells after that.

It did not work out. He eventually faded out, even without me doing any "crazy" behaviors. By the time he met me I got a handle on the worst of my illness. Still, it's obvious to see how it played out.

I was just reflecting on all of this when I saw your post. I think people at times pay lip service to many things and time will actually tell.

yes, exactly. I don't give the minutia unless it's requested but I lay all the cards on the table. my last gf, the one I was really serious about, she said that my mind was intriguing and interesting and how strong I was for dealing with so many mental health issues and that it kept her in awe and yet I get triggered one time and she's out. and the thing is that she triggered me by accusing me of something I had NOT done and couldn't understand why I was so upset. then she just bounced. cut off all communication. deleted email accounts and Facebook and everything man. like damn...I told u a 1000 times I'm broken and u loved it....until u saw it, then this "there is nothing u could ever possibly do to lose me in the whole world" shit....what a joke...sorry u went through something similar. think I'm gonna have to find someone else broken to be with but then eventually someone will get killed lol

Perhaps you aren’t being as transparent as you think. If you are being slightly coy or explaining it through music or in non specifics, it may not come across as an actual disclosure. Saying “I’m crazy” doesn’t mean anything because that term is sort of generic; I mean, people use it to describe traffic.

I think disclosing a mental health issue and full on witnessing a serious mental health episode are two completely different things. I suspect people just don’t fully understand the depth of the issues. Most people assume they are going to feel emotionally and physically safe in the relationship regardless of the other person’s issues. .

If there is an episode that makes them not feel safe or that it’s too big, they may feel they need to leave. The issue is not theirs to fix.

Telling someone "I am broken" tends to lead to attracting people who want to fix us or manipulate us, in my opinion. As in codependents or users. Because someone healthy and whole is usually not attracted to "broken." BTW, I don't see you as broken, I see you as a human being. All this negative self talk you lay on yourself and then share with other people damages relationships I suspect. By portraying yourself as damaged goods, it lays the groundwork for this dysfunctional relationship crap. You may also be attracting people who do the hero/villain thing - first you are their hero and they are going to fix you and when they can't or you go ballistic, then you are the villain. You mention getting triggered and then getting terribly upset with the last person. So what does that mean? Were you out of control angry and violent? Were you out of control irrational? Many of my relatives have mood disorders or diagnosed personality disorders so I understand where you are coming from and only write this to offer a different perspective. But maybe the comfort zone for you is to remain a victim, many of us do this for years and years until we've had enough and decide to stop. To say "eventually someone will get killed LOL" is strange to read, what do you mean?

Big hug Tryna..... I was going to write just what rmb has written....

It's one thing having a calm conversation about behaviours.... It's another thing witnessing them

Especially if it's something that's hurtful to them

There is a lot of help for mental health disorders now.... Good help..... I would be referred to a psychiatrist if you don't have one and start from there

Let him/her know just what's going on with you... What's hurting your life and work on making the necessary changes

It's up to you to change in order to have a healthy relationship ... Not up to a partner to accept hurtful behaviour

I worked in forensic mental health and I have seen the sickest of the sick and there are very few behaviours that can't be changed with good help and if the person wants to change the things that are hurting their life

The majority of people can change and their life can improve a great deal ...

it takes the investment of time and willingness to do the work and find the tools that you need to cope when life gets rough

Big hug.... xo

I portray myself exactly as I am. severely traumatized, acutely anxious and quite likely to be problematic. if they agree that that is ok, then they should stick through with it and keep their word. once someone knows u have been in prison for stabbing 2 people during a mental health crisis, u can't be any more transparent than that. u just can't be. not giving someone all the specifics doesn't mean I didn't give them the very very important ones. but thank u all for your thoughts.

Tryna..... Other people aren't ever going to be accountable for your actions and I am saying this with kindness and respect

Just like you don't want to be hurt neither do they

Saying to someone I suffered terrible trauma and I am badly effected by that brings compassion for sure.... At the same time if that trauma causes you to traumatize others that's not okay and that will continue to hurt you if you don't do something about it and there is help for trauma

If you have been in prison then you know that somehow people inside find ways to control themselves if they want out.... You don't have to be white knuckling it out here.... Reach out for help

Big hug... I'm sorry you're hurting so much.....xo

You could even see about going inpatient for a while to focus on nothing but you and starting to gain some good tools

You've been having suicidal thoughts ... You could go to emerg.... This might be a good way of starting a process of getting help for you.... Talk about the anger... feelings of mania and trauma

I think there is something about attracting codependent or people pleaser types so when the say they can handle it it’s not out of true empathy or compassion but rather, it’s out of what is a little screwed up in themselves. Because it’s true; most “healthy” people do not hop into relationships with people who aren’t managing their mental health issues and behavior nor do they agree to accepting whatever it is you may dish out.

I feel compassion about the heavy terrible burden it is to manage psychiatric or serious mental health issues but I actually would not get involved with the person unless they demonstrated to my satisfaction they were in a place they could manage their issues including behavior. Because whatever is the root cause, people aren’t required to just put up with what may feel traumatizing or abusive whether past behavior was disclosed or not.

I think SunCloud captured it above perfectly.

look. u give someone a warning that they are walking into a beartrap and they still step into it, it's on them. 100%. period. rationalize it all u like but if u tell someone not to kick a hornets nest and they still kick it, it's their fault. that's the end of the conversation. sorry didn't know I was dealing with a bunch of crazy people who think it's ok to abuse people w mental illness bc they think it's cute. not reading anymore comments so don't leave em. this is insane.

when someone knows exactly what they're about to deal with and choose to deal with it then any repercussions is on them. if I tell u I'm gonna shoot u in the face unless u move and I don't move it's on u. point blank period. u people are fkn crazy

that was supposed to say u don't move. u not i. u