Koolman have you ever been in love? REAL LOVE where you couldnt imagine being in this life without the other? I was wondering because when you are the content you dont need percentages. You are just happy being with her/ him no matter what you are doing.

Thought I was "in love", whatever the hell that means. We were content with each other on many levels, and we had relaxation down to a science (which I loved) but our sexual escapades never went beyond lukewarm kissing and making out. Maybe it was me; maybe it was her, maybe a combination, but when I forced things, she lost interest and I felt like a rapist. So things continued at this lukewarm pace for about a year until I realized it didn't really feel like I had a girlfriend, only a buddy who likes to collapse in my arms and sleep (she was working so much--Vietnamese, worked very hard for her sister at their nail salon as well as watched her sister's kids...I tried to take her away, but she needed the cash from the job, they tried to break us up, I tried to break her away from them...long story...I got so exhausting I gave up). Maybe stick to Americans-?

I wish my partner was more affectionate. Was fun at first but now seems completely based on sex.

A agree joeswifen..., if your inlove theres chemistry and frienship and it doesnt matter.

eh, joeswifenicole, I disagree. A relationship might start with chemistry, but there has to be something beyond that if it's going to continue for a long time. I don't think chemistry and real love are the same thing. Overlapping, maybe, but different. Kind of like Koolman's assertion about affection and sex.

Real love, IMO, is when he walks two miles on an unlit highway at midnight after his car dies on the way to helping me change a flat tire that I can't budge after a long rehearsal. Or when he comes with me to help out with my dysfunctional and fundamentalist family. Or when he comes to the concerts I play in even though he's not wild about the music I perform. Or the cartoon of a Santa he cut out and framed because it is the exact caricature of the glare I give misbehaving children (and him) when I'm exasperated.

And yes, at some point, things like sex and affection do have to be negotiated. He's a cactus. I'm a cuddler. Once or twice a month is enough for him, I'd be happier with three times a week. Yes, I enjoy being around him, I love his intelligence and sense of humor. But we are very different people, have very different needs in the affection/sex department, and it doesn't always happen automatically. I'm 22 years worth of in love with him... and I think Kool brings up a valid topic that healthy couples do need to think about.

At the moment, I feel like cuddling with someone LOL...

"Real love, IMO, is when he walks two miles on an unlit highway at midnight after his car dies on the way to helping me change a flat tire that I can't budge after a long rehearsal. Or when he comes with me to help out with my dysfunctional and fundamentalist family. Or when he comes to the concerts I play in even though he's not wild about the music I perform. Or the cartoon of a Santa he cut out and framed because it is the exact caricature of the glare I give misbehaving children (and him) when I'm exasperated."

Fiddler: That's interesting. Yes, I think it would take more than friendship/chemistry to keep him hanging around! You two must be hot for each other in and out of the sheets, but also interesting that you have such different levels of needing affection/sex and can still be together. You guys clearly get along on a lot of levels.

In my relationship with my ex, she was not necessarily a cactus, but was certainly cold and distant (even when it came to TALKING about her feelings--the Vietnamese are a stoic bunch), and I was the cuddly one, easily aroused, constantly hot and ready to go. Also, when she was done, I was just warming up...a bit frustrating for me to say the least. Next-!

I was with a man close to 5 years and we had both. Always like to be together no matter what we did. We spent very little time apart we enjoyed each other so much. I couldn't give you a percentage. Never thought about it. Sometimes it would be hot passionate sex but always some affection before and after. We spent a lot of time holding hands or cuddling watching movies. If it was late and we where tired it would be more a need we enjoyed and then fall asleep in each others arms. I can't seperate the two because they happened together often. We where always affectionate. Not to say we didn't have our days of come good arguements but we never went to sleep with a cold shoulder to each other. I don't know anyother way to say it.

It would be hard to be with someone that the family is so commited to each other for a business. Maybe they didn't like the thought of her being with another race. That happens in American families also. I wouldn't want to date a man that was so invovled with his family he went by what they said instead of what you both thought together. That would be hard to live with.