Respectful and Healthy relationships in my opinion are based on good quality people that have respect, are able to trust (build trust), are empathetic, have good communication, willing to compromise, genuine, have good intentions, and are not self centered.

The fact that you're scared is with good reason. In my opinion the counseling help you are seeking is a great start, however judging by the fact that you're "Scared" isn't promising. No matter how great a guy is, if you're not ready yourself to trust again, have given yourself time to acquire a healthy self image, etc. that has been torn down and distorted in 5 years of being in an abusive relationship then you're not doing yourself or another person any favors by jumping into something you have no confidence over.

Give yourself time to heal, to rediscover yourself, to acquire good attributes such as how to trust again and you will be able to upkeep the type of relationship you seek. Other then that you're putting yourself and this person through a "learning phase" that will have more stress, complication added which will only diminish, confuse and halt the progress you've already made.

Just my humble opinion. I wish you all the best of luck and am so happy to hear you're out of that abusive relationship and looking to the future. Stay on the path to improving your own situation before adding the plus one.

Much peace and love.

For me, 100% mutual trust and respect for each other at ALL times is essential and top on my list of a healthy relationship. Along with that comes being compatible, being able to openly/honestly communicate about anything and everything, being able to discuss problems rationally without getting into a screaming match or worse, both partners being able to compromise, listening to each other (not just hearing words but really listening), being supportive to each other, not wanting to change the other but both partners loving and accepting the other for who he/she is.

I agree with RoseBud, if you're scared, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, if you're not ready to trust again, there's a good chance there will be more stress and complications than need to be and that can easily sabotage a relationship.

Respect, understanding, patience, a warm undercurrent of MUTUAL, unconditional love. Does it exist? Maybe for some people. I feel it, in small quantities, and maybe that is enough.

I Love what everyone already wrote.

I also agree that it may be too early for you to be getting into a relationship at all.

5 years vs 6 months isn't very long at all, no wonder you're scared!

Set your personal boundaries and do what feels right. If there's an inkling that it's not - make sure that it's a real valid reason and not the 'fight or flight' kicking in.

Trust....mutual trust, that is...open and honest communication...being able to disagree like "grown ups"...compromise...mutual respect.

Thanks everyone for your replies. Lots of food for thought.

I was in an abusive relationship for almost 3yrs and it's been 8 mos since I've been out and I'm still not ready yet.

I agree to take it very slow.....you don't want this new guy to get scared away be your still unhealed emotional wounds.

Saw a big red flag with the new guy. DONE. After an abusive relationship it doesn't take much to be DONE when your gut tells you something. Won't do any dating for a long time. Don't feel like the BS of meeting people. Sorry to be so negative. Just glad it happened by the 5th date.

Andrea - I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I'm glad you trusted your instincts