Healthy Relationships Support Group
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this is an ongoing issue about having to deal with the issues that go on in my parents house as I am home and disabled.
my parents are elderly... my father fell while putting her kitchen garbage out... he is in a nuresing home and on extended stay that teh family is paying for out of what little money they have left...
meanwhile an abbusive and indulgent sibbling who thinks that her behavior is normal... is being difficult due to her overuse of the facilities...she is acting like she is on vacation from my father who is in a nursing home.. she doesnt seem to care if my mother needs help or that the money will run out... she hogs the batroom in the morning during what I call prime time... this morning she was working on her laptop while sitting on the toilet... no body can get to use the bathroom for quick relief after waking up... she is always lavashing things upon herself in thier... this is not the time of morning and place for that... I dont care how pretty she says she has to look before she goes to work at this point becuase she stays home on her laptop for work most of the time anyway... she takes her sweet time with everything...without care or concern for anyone else and does the absolute least to help physically... if she does have to do physical work she delays and complains..
so many vary unfair situations have happened... and she has spoken about leaving as soon as things get too unbearable for her because someone will have to take care of my father... who now has demetial like symptoms and might walk around naked after taking off his clothers and his diaper as he does in the nursing home...
She never cleans up after herself right after she makes a mess... she treats my parents and others in a horrible manner in the way she reacts when her indulgent rountine is interupted or if she has to put things off... to help and the only form of help is a rider to the doctors office... She goes to yoga, gets her hair done, dentists, doctors, dates, boyfriends, even had got married and had a so called husbands that she did not live with while living here and then got divorced all while living here at home and the family had to deal with a great deal of transference of her anger.. we did not even know that she was married until she decided to get a divorce... WTF?
if she would have just taken out the garbage the day the she cooks ( and chases everyone out of the kitchen so that my parnets sometimes cant eat breakfast until 3 oclock pm or I have had to buy them mcdonalds in the morning... as they sit in the living room... in my opinion....they are too nice to her and she screams at them when she doesnt get what she wants...
my father had all of his faculties and some trouble walking and he did fall at times... its his and my mothers house... she should have put her own garbage out when she was done cooking... I am now running a round trying to make a room suitable downstairs with a bathroom and shower and toilet that can accomodate someone in a wheel chair.. I am tired of this scenario... she takes the easiest way out of every situation... she said that she was going to move and this was for her own sake and her own health.. now she is changing her mind and making procrastinating statements... like I am going to move as soon as this beautiful apartment with all of these ammeneties is available... gym, pool etc... out family is going poor she's lived here for 10 years without paying rent she has a good paying job.. meanwhile I have to front money all of the time for furnaces, hot wanter heaters, laundry machines...do the work installing these items to save some money while my body is hurting and so is my mind ( I would not last one week on a job working for someone doing these things all day every hour and then ask for reimbursement from my mother and father...
we stand the chance to loose the house and nothing will be left for my mother... my father is 94 and my mother is going to be 90.
I was in the midst of scraping up money to get a lawyer before all of this ABUSE, iadress the disorder in the family, the will, grave plots, special arangements for inheritance or property protection FOR DISABLED INDIVIDUALS AND ALSO so the nursing home wont take it away if something happened..
but now it has happened and she is still being just like she is.. an will probably go back to her abusive way yelling at my father and her father when he returns from the nursing home...
ONE RUN IN WITH HER WHILE JUST TYRING TO GO TAKE A PEE AND THERE SHE IS DOING SOMETHING SELFISH AND INDULGENET OR TAKING UP TOO MUCH TIME IN THE BATHROOM TRIGGERS ALL THIS REMORSE, REGRET, ANGER ETC TO COME UP AGAIN...AND AGAIN AND INTERFERE WITH THE WORK THAT I MUST DO BY TAKING UP MY TIME LOOKING FOR SOME RELEASE AND RELIEF... WHILE WAITIG TO GET A LAWYER AND COUNSELOR OR THERAPIST THAT WILL BE ON MY SIDE TO THREATEN TO TAKE HER TO COURT JUST TO TELL HER OFF... SO SHE CANT RAISE A SCENE STOMP HER FEET, SLAM THINGS AROUND, MAKE FORCEUL RE ARRANGEMENTS OF ITEMS AND OBJECTS WHILE YELLING.. AND SHE ACTS LIKE MY IMPATIENT FATHER HAS ALL OF HIS LIFE TOWARD ME... BUT NOT HER... AND HE WAS TERRIBLY VERBALLY ABUSIVE AND SELFISHLY ABUSIVE CONCERNING MATTERS IN THE PAST WHEN I REALLY NEEDED A PLACE TO LIVE AND WAS STRUGGLING WITH PAST JOBS... AND I HAVE TRIED TO PUT THAT IN THE PAST... THIS SITUATION IS LIKE THE BAD GUYS ARE WINNING AND FORCING ME TO TAKE CARE OF THEM AND THE DIRTIEST SITUATIONS OR THE WHOLE HOUSE OF CARDS COMES DOWN FOR US ALL AND THEY STILL DONT CARE AND IN FACT ARE OBLIVIOUS TO THEIR HINDERENCES AND UPSETS AND EVEN TRAGEDIES THAT THEY HAVE CAUSED... I DO NOT WANT TO BE RUN OVER OR PAST ANYMORE TO THE THINGS I NEED FOR SELF CARE OR HAVE TO GO OUT OF MY WAY ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM EXHASTED AND I CANT.
sorry about saying things like a really feel like I should say them in front of them in a court of law becuase no one listenst to me... but i have to shake myself off now and try and make that bedroom and ammeneties ready..
if anyone has gone through a similar experince like this trying to hold things together and keep the family to gether and adress a trouble maker... your input for solutions in this matter will be helpful.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
The only one that you can control in this is you.... If it were me I would shower at night so the morning routine can be less stressful
My relationship with my brother broke down horribly when me folks were sick as I was the one who did everything and I have a friend who's going through it now
I think quite often the division of labour isn't fair during these times and these are really stressful times... I feel for you
If you think that your sister is being abusive... That's something else again... You can call adult protective services and talk with them about what steps should be taken
Another big hug and a blessing... I hope that you'll get extra support for yourself as well.... Be it a paster or a peer support group that's in person perhaps... xo
Family situations involve so many twists and turns,,,, This family member finally did finally move out on their own. while the way it happened never really goes the way I thought it would or could or should have with... which should have involved some type of intermediary if I could get them but I was so busy picking up the pieces instead it was my older sister who confronted her about her actions... while my older sister was taking care of my mother at her house for the summer while I was home with a big task of renovating the down stairs dining room and making it into a bedroom with a toilet, sink and shower nearby... so my younger sister when confronted by my older sister about some of the chaos that she normally made her own exit from the whole situation... by stating why should she bother coming around at all...
I think that this was a total dodge of responsibilities for anything she could or possibly contribute to the family situation and showed how much she cared about the situation... but since she cant conduct herself without yelling or starting and arguments there should have been no need to ask myself why she said what she said... (even though I have done that many times already) my parents are both home now.. its a lot of effort for me and my older sister... my younger sister who said nothing to us for at least 3 months showed up on Christmas gave my mother and father a card spoke for about half and hour... said something about going back to a former job with a former cult she was involved with in college even though she had left that cult and has a good job with a Bank and an apartment of her own... Which she had and could afford when she finally Did move out... This is another thing that she said which I think that she said this just to make my parents fret or wonder and worry about her. So I was thinking about asking a mutual friend if she still had her job and her apartment or possibly drive by to look to see if she still lives there or just drive by to see if her car is parked outside which would mean that she only said what she said to make my parents worry about her...
If I find out that she still has her job and apartment then I will know pretty much that she is going about playing head games on the holidays on everyone and therefore should disregard what she is saying from hear on out and try not to be affected by it or react to it.