Healthy Relationships Support Group
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There is a guy in my life who I met on a dating site. He claimed from the beginning that he just wants people to do things with, not a relationship/girlfriend but he was open to anything.
That was more than a yr ago and he has since quit the dating site. We've continued to chat and text almost every day since he first messaged me on the site. Sometimes he calls and I've actually gotten together with him a handful of times.
The problem is he has anxiety before every time he sees me and usually cancels plans. He always makes sure he has something he has to do afterwards so he can bale on me when we do have plans.
The confusing part is that at one point he revealed that he was attracted to me and when he did I admitted it too and we were supposed to get together more. Long story short he continued to make plans with me and cancel at the last minute. But he continues to communicate with me and keeps, on trying to make plans with me. When I pressed him as to why he is illusive he claims that he doesn't want a girlfriend and doesn't want to lead anyone on and hurt them. I lie and say that's ok. But it crushes me. I like him too much and have tried to distance myself but it's really hard. I'm very easy going when we're together and put no pressure on him. He still requests that I don't pressure him which is kind of insulting but I let it go. Whenever he cancels our plans he always has a ridiculously lame excuse and if I seem at all upset he calls back and apologizes and acts like he doesn't want me to stop talking to him. I know for a fact he has been intimate with other women but not committed since our friendship. And yet he keeps communicating with me. And avoiding me. I know this sounds insane. There are other factors that play in but I'm kind of embarrassed to mention them. Ok, I may as well. He is 17 yrs. younger than me and has severe ocd.
I need some feedback:( I need some help! I have tried really hard to separate emotionally but it's so hard.
I guess my question would be, does this making any semblance of sense to anyone? How do I protect my vulnerable heart:(. Why does he keep communicating with me if he isn't interested in me?
That was more than a yr ago and he has since quit the dating site. We've continued to chat and text almost every day since he first messaged me on the site. Sometimes he calls and I've actually gotten together with him a handful of times.
The problem is he has anxiety before every time he sees me and usually cancels plans. He always makes sure he has something he has to do afterwards so he can bale on me when we do have plans.
The confusing part is that at one point he revealed that he was attracted to me and when he did I admitted it too and we were supposed to get together more. Long story short he continued to make plans with me and cancel at the last minute. But he continues to communicate with me and keeps, on trying to make plans with me. When I pressed him as to why he is illusive he claims that he doesn't want a girlfriend and doesn't want to lead anyone on and hurt them. I lie and say that's ok. But it crushes me. I like him too much and have tried to distance myself but it's really hard. I'm very easy going when we're together and put no pressure on him. He still requests that I don't pressure him which is kind of insulting but I let it go. Whenever he cancels our plans he always has a ridiculously lame excuse and if I seem at all upset he calls back and apologizes and acts like he doesn't want me to stop talking to him. I know for a fact he has been intimate with other women but not committed since our friendship. And yet he keeps communicating with me. And avoiding me. I know this sounds insane. There are other factors that play in but I'm kind of embarrassed to mention them. Ok, I may as well. He is 17 yrs. younger than me and has severe ocd.
I need some feedback:( I need some help! I have tried really hard to separate emotionally but it's so hard.
I guess my question would be, does this making any semblance of sense to anyone? How do I protect my vulnerable heart:(. Why does he keep communicating with me if he isn't interested in me?
Maybe he doesnt have anxiety, but has another woman or even a family and this is why he cancels at the last minute, while you sit and wait for him.
You are puttint your life on hold for a guy who can't make up his mind. He either needs to sh-t or get off the pot. You deserve better, don't you think? Take the lead.
Without sounding blunt, and I do apologize if it sounds this way, but talk is cheap, and unless it's followed up by actions, it's a waste of your time.
What you want from him, he may not be able to offer for reasons that may not have anything to do with you. You deserve the same input as your output, and if he can't play on an equal ground, no amount of talking is going to make it happen, unfortunately.
I wish you contentment and prosperity.
Thanks again for your thoughtful response!