Holy shit, Dude. This sounds pretty bad. You gotta quit that shit out-- Pronto!
Quit being so demanding of her. It's up to her if she forgives you or not- respect what you have done, and let her be to do what she will. You have no control over what she does next.
All you can control if you.
Learn some self control. Pills can help short term, but really, you just need to start being your own boss and quit letting petty thoughts and emotions rule you. Pills... well, like now, needing them instead of yourself, when you dont have them- what good do they do in the long run?
Take this opportuinity to learn a valuable lesson and maybe garner some life skills.
You want her to forgive you so you can forgive youself? I say "tough luck". You're going to have to learn to do that on your own,and I suggest doing the work and doing it.
You screwed things up really good here. What can you do now?
You made her dinner, that was a nice gesture of you. Maybe she appreciated it, maybe she didn't. Call her up and ask. And for Christ's sake, tell her you don't blame her for not wanting to talk to you, but that you need to apologize, and you hope she'll forgive you. Tell her you're off your meds, and you know everything you said was ugly and she didn't deserve that. Tell her you're afraid that you lost her respect and love. Tell her you know dinner was a small consolation,but that you were immediately sorry and it wasthe only way you could think of to soothe the situation. Then, give her time and space. Give yourself time and space too, Be gentle with yourself while you work on doing what you need to do to ensure to yourself that you will Never, under any circumstances, do that again. Not just for her sake, but ultimately, for yours.

Woops

I think it is normal to be hurting : / I saw something you posted last week or so about this and you were so upset. This week you are mourning. I think this is absolutely normal, they didn't come up with the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' for no reason. However, what I really hate about this phase of a break up is the 'getting back together' part. I think we realize how big a part of our life they were and how things really weren't that bad (nothing is in retrospect), and what we'd do to try again. I am going through this too and it hurts. All day I wonder if I made a mistake and I am this close (finger gesture) to just going back because this is so hard, but, again with the cliche's, it's the hard stuff that makes us grow and proves what kind of person we really are. I'm not sure I've ever hurt this much over a guy before, I feel my heart breaking and can cry on a dime these days, but every day it gets a little better, and I think a little bit straighter.

It seems like you two had a pretty serious relationship, but, on this end anyways, it doesn't seem like she is mature enough. I think you need to reconsider your feelings for her and why you feel so strongly for her and decide if it's worth the hell you are putting yourself through (trust me, I am right there with you and I hate every single day right now because of the thoughts I put into my own head).

You seem like a decent kid and like you can do much better, but maybe getting your own self situated will help. I also had to move out and am now staying with a parent (ugh), and my whole life has been disrupted, which is totally exacerbating this break up and I know that if I had a little bit more of something that was my own, I might feel a little bit more stable.

Just some thoughts..

You don't seem to like yourself very much. Work on that and forget about someone else having to like you to like yourself. Exercise, search for a more interesting and better-paying job, just new intellectual stimulation, and new spiritual stimulation. Meditate. Learn to relax deeply in your own skin and tune out all others and the outside world. Get in touch with some source that is not of this world, but influences this world, call it God or whatever you will.

I love to listen to Wayne Dyer on the "Getting Into the Gap" CD. The gap, according to Dyer, is God. It is "the space between our thoughts". It is total love, peace and fulfillment. We simply need to meditate, relax deeply enough to embrace it, let the tears flow if they may, and learn to love the gap. His voice and the beautiful music helps us "get there".

You're definitely feeling a "gap" within yourself. You fear it. You're just not relaxing deeply enough within yourself. Learn to love the gap, and you'll be golden. Develop faith, and trust, that that higher power, if you sink deeply into it, will always love you, when human beings have let you down. It'll recharge you, regenerate you, body and soul. It wants to be one with you. Let yourself sink into it.