After we sat down and talked about a few insecurities, everything was better. Shes a good woman, and she is one to help anyone.

I feel like lately I've been trying to find some reason to get irratated. As if I'm scared to keep going.

I remember your posts from before...looks like this situation is still not resolved..It is really hard on you.
I'm glad you talked to her. Sometimes It is really easier to ask the question straight out - " Do you see us together after graduation?"

As i recall you also want to go to school and get a profession, so you need to know what will happen to make plans. the only thing I have to warn you about is that even when people say " yes, i want to be with you", it doesn't mean they will not change your mind.
So if you can, start taking a class here and there. Not only it will benefit you in the long run, but it will also make you more desirable to your gf. Any normal person would love to see their partner grow professionally, intellectually and emotionally and it is very attractive.

Good luck.

We've talked about this before. You're the housewife, and are, understandably, miserable in that role.

Let's forget about her. What would make YOU feel the way YOU clearly want to feel? More like, well...a man? More powerful? For me, what gets it on is intense physical exercise. Exercise helps me kick every addiction imagineable, yes, including the ladies.

Try to search for some feeling of warmth, a higher spiritual source, call it God or whatever you will, within yourself and in the world, that is not of this world, but INFLUENCES this world. I find it in nature, during my bike treks, in the warm sun, the cool breeze, the splashes of young children playing in water, a divine peace.

It seems you're searching for something, and, it already resides within yourself, within your pain. There's a lot of love there, if you could simply feel adequate in your vulnerabilities! I say, take some time, stew in your vulnerabilities, then, gently prod yourself to take physical action and exercise.

Also, continue to read and educate yourself. You need intellectual stimulation. Do you and your girl talk about WHAT she's studying in college?

You don't need a college degree to be educated. It's great that you're here. Now, go to the library and crack open some self-help books, the Bible, any spiritual material that could fill your mind, heart and soul with new and better input!

I too am going back to college in the summer, not for a degree, just take a class here in there in a non-degree status, in something that I'm interested in, like Creative Writing and Film Theory and Criticism.

I too am bored! Need new stimulation and a change of scenery! Sounds like you're in the same boat. Maybe a class here and there would make a world of difference for you too, and introduce you to some new and interesting people...!

Thanks aronia, and koolman. I know your probably thinking, what the hell this kid says hes mad at her.. now he loves her, ect..

Ive been thinking about it for a while now, and I really think I was making to big of a deal on minor things. Like I wanted a reason to escape because I am afraid.

We never fight, and shes one of the only person in my life who's ever helped me without expecting something back.

That sounds like a good idea, to ask her if she could see us together after graduating. You think that's fine to ask that? The last thing I want to do now is put pressure on her, and seem crazier than I already am.. meh. I think I'm afraid to hear her say no.

What I really want to tell her today when we are sitting down watching tv is.

"I've been thinking about the future and I can't help but be curious about what your plans are after you graduate.

Have you narrowed down a few schools or what not? Do you think realistically you can see yourself together out of state? Or would you prefer to enjoy the experience by yourself. The last thing I want is to put pressure on you, or hold you back because of me."

( I would love to throw this in too, but I'll wait for opinions. At the end I want to say. "I want you to know I am here for you, and I am committed to stay here with you regardless of what you decide. I want the best for both of us. I would also like to prepare for what's coming up ahead, because I want to explore my options and meet the goals I've set for myself. If I can just learn to take all this passion I have and focus it on what I want to do, I know I can achieve anything.)

think its alright to open up like that, or is that best to keep to myself? cheesy I know.. but... I've always had passion, for math, sports, love, cooking, ect... I just have to learn to use it right.

Also koolman, honestly... I could care less what anyone thinks, or feeling guilty if I'm doing the "womans" job. Honestly my mom is one of the few I look up to.

I guess that's what happens when you grow up being an only child, and living with just your mom. I'm guessing that's why I am now.. I enjoy cooking, making ppl I love happy, it gives me energy.

I'm just scared that... i believe in love at first sight. If she doesn't have that special spark for me... I have a hard time believing she ever will. Sad.. but that's all I want, is for her to want me like she wanted (max) old friend.

I hope I am wrong, I hope women can grow onto people. She said the margin is narrowing down fast.. that she feels closer to me now. But then again.. my thought proccess says this...

She'd be an idiot to say... no I don't feel closer to you, or... yeah I messed up when I was drunk ect..

the reason I say that is because when we were talking about the few things that bothered me, and I thought she was hiding something there were 4-5 Red flags that scream for guilty, messing up, ect. However, I gave her the benifit of the doubt.. because I asked her several times.

things that scare me is,
She's very smart, shes told me straight out she's good at making stories if she does a white lie (awhile back forgot what it was about) And I remember this stuff.. I analyze what people forget they said.

After all was said and done, and I said good, I hope you know that Im a forgiving person,, just dont like lies ect..

She said, i think u would of left me if I did anything.

why would she say that.... i just sad i believe u, and Im forgiving.

her saying that makes me believe, no matter what she would deny anything, because if she did... and she told me... she'd be stupid and I'd leave her. through her knowledge.

Maybe Im insane... maybe Im completely wrong. I have no idea..

I can't help but to tell to you to look for God in your life, I guess for everyone it is different, but only threw God is that I make important decisions. Praying and letting God guide you. You are very young and probably consider yourself old. You have your whole life ahead of you, so think of the opportunities you have and take advantage of them, keep your mind ocupied. Hope everything works out of you.

I think you should really take a hard look at this relationship. Re-read what you have written in your original post and read it carefully. The signs are all there. Put YOURSELF first and do what you've got to do to make YOU happy. That's actually not always the easiest thing to do at first.