Healthy Relationships Support Group

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what to do?

Voiceit
Voiceit
been seeing someone for 3yeabrs now been great up till recently,except for a split for about 2months(2years and 3mths ago) not living together and no plans to.
lately i have found myself resenting him for not taking me out when he goes out with his friends regularly. i don't mind this as everyone has a life and friends but i don't understand why he doesn't even wont to take me out not even for a drink or lunch having previously taken me out all the time and had agood time.
i am too scared to confront the issue, i do see him regularly and he comes round cooks spends time and we get on well.
i find myself crying in secret about this and don't know if i should risk mentioning how i feel or just be grateful for what i've got? i don't want him taking me out because i've asked to rather than him wanting to as it would seem like i'm forcing him into something he doesnt want.
please advise me on what if anything to do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am no expert in the matter but the thing that has worked with me is just bringing it up casually in coversation. You have to bring it up because it will start to interfere with your feelings in the relationship. You may not even realize that your feelings are changing but they will if you continue like this. The crying could easily turn to anger or resentment. I dont blame you for not jumping right to the issue but a slight hint here or there could do the trick.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Honest straight communication is the only way you will get your needs met. Men and woman can't read our minds. You need to tell him how it makes you feel and see what his response is. If he doesn't acknowledge you then it may mean he likes having you on the side and isn't all that into you know and doesn't want to hurt you by telling you how he really feels. You need to know why he is doing what he is doing. Otherwise you will start having resentment while not getting your needs met and wouldn't you rather end it than spend another year wondering? You should feel like you are the important one in his life if you have been dating that long.
Best to you and let us know how it goes!
deleted_user
deleted_user
"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes."

Honey.. you MUST stand up for yourself. If it takes you two days to think of the words.. fine. But the words must be said ~ direct ~ to the source.
He isn't going to do anything he doesn't want to do ~ if he appeases you based on 'begging for things to change' then,..he will try to live up to your expectations for a little while out of guilt, but then eventually stop appeasing you because he just can't any longer. Then, you're back to square one.

The question you might want to ask him should go deeper than, "Why don't you take me out for a drink or lunch with your friends anymore?"
Instead, you may want to ask the hard question.. the question you are scared to ask because you instinctually know the answer,..."I feel like things have changed between us. I'd like to talk about where we are in this relationship, can you sit with me and talk about this for awhile?"
Ask him questions. Listen to the answers. Be his 'friend' ~ not a confrontational, insecure lover. And go from there ~ ~
We ALL deserve to live by the 'truth'..so seek it out dear one.

Good luck sweety ((hug))