I have always wondered that myself. I consider myself to have a healthy relationship with my husband (no jealousy, no cheating, no dishonesty, no abuse and most of all, no drama), but I don't think some people want to hear what is takes to have a healthy relationship. They just want to hear how to change their SO so the problems with be eliminated without understanding that most of the change and work is required of them.

I think also too many people are afraid of "being alone" so they try to force an unhealthy pairing into a healthy relationship without realizing that they should trash what obviously isn't working, and start from scratch with something that will.

It seems like a healthy relationship is a goal. I don't think people would be posting for advice if their relationships were where they wanted them to be. I guess everybody secretly hopes for that true life lOve story.

I noticed this too...but was not brave enough to post it.

Yes, I agree. Would really like to see suggestions on how to begin healthy relationships. I recently joined a CODA support group and deleted my online dating profile so that I could concentrate on me and then pursue a healthy relationship. A discussion on boundaries or communication would be helpful.

Thanks, folks; I'm not alone in this.

I think the healthiest relationship one can have is with themselves and with God. Then, with that as the anchor, we choose to allow others in, to the nurturing, and not the detriment, of our own health.

I find myself not relating well to people with a codependent mindset, find myself quickly getting angry with them and shying away from them. We want to mold our mate into ourselves, but we have to realize that we are all different, and even if it were possible to create our clone, it would be boring, so we must celebrate our difference, whilst trying to find SOME common ground.

@Koolman

you said: I think the healthiest relationship one can have is with themselves and with God. Then, with that as the anchor, we choose to allow others in, to the nurturing, and not the detriment, of our own health.

Totally agree with you, great insight.

I don't believe in God. I do, however, believe in myself, and have a very healthy relationship with what I believe in.

As they say, you can't truly love someone if you don't love yourself.

:)

I just posted a lengthy response under KRKing911's topic: "Just What the Hell is a Healthy Relationship?" that pretty well covers this "Why Is It..."

I read a lot of the discussions here and my first thought is nearly always "If you have to ASK if a relationship is healthy, chances are, it is NOT."

Koolman, my kudos to your for your response here.

Kool, you rock!

Funny, because I was thinking something very similar earlier today.

I don't have a healthy relationship. The situation I'm in isn't healthy in the least, but at least it's fun. At least I can see it for what it is. That's gotta count for something, right?

Thanks, guys!

Beyond: Well, recognizing your relationship for what it is IS healthy! Some people delude themselves.

chicka: You don't believe in God. My condolences lol. Just kidding. Whatever works for you!

I find that we HAVE to believe in something more than ourselves, because, left to our own power, some of us can't DO IT (get through this life) alone! Plus, it's nice to project...have something more than ourselves to vent to...when life doesn't go our way lol.