Well from the little you wrote I would say that you are infatuated with her and not in love with her. I dont say that to be mean so please hear/read me out.

You have made her into something she is not. In your mind you make her everything. SOmeone that filed all the gaps and made you happy about things no one else ever did. You have put her on a pedistal and idalized her. When in reality she is scum of the earth and a cheater. She used you for her self gratification and then threw you away.

I would say if your going to recover from this you need to sit down and maybe more than once and write out all the actual ways she treated you. Then on a seperate list write out the way you want to be treated! Then compair the two lists. You need to knock her off that pedistal and make her out to be the cheater she is. Its all a mind game and your loosing!

Hope this helps and good luck.

I'll try that thanks

Try emphasizing her faults in your mind... you could write them down, and post them on your fridge to remind you how bad it is to go back with her. Also counseling might help, and meeting new people.

I don't know if I would say I am "in love" with my ex still but I do know that she plays a big part in my current state of mind, and that constantly baffles me since, like you, I got cheated on.

Maybe I don't love her, but I can't stop thinking about her, and this has made it impossible to let anyone in my life.

What three traits do you most admire in a preferred loved one?

Honesty, intelligent, laid back

Are those traits found in your ex?

She is intelligent and laid back, but not honest.

If that's the case then lick your wounds and move on until you find someone who possesses all three of the traits you are looking for. As another has said here you're still infatuated by your ex, and in time, a short amount I suspect, you will have gotten over her.

Infatuation only tends to linger when two parties are still together.

It is normal to feel this way. When you invest a lot of your time and energy into a person, it is difficult to get over them. It is also very difficult to have any desire to date anyone else. Being in a relationship takes a lot of effort and energy. Coming out of a relationship leaves you feeling drained and not interested in investing more time and energy in anyone else. This is going to sound very cliche, but give yourself time to grieve the loss. Do things "just for you" (things you enjoy, or things that you benefit from - movies, working out, hiking, reading, listening or playing music, bike riding .... etc.). Reconnect with yourself and rediscover the things you like about yourself and the things you want to find in a relationship. When seeking things in a possible romantic interest (honesty, intelligence, laid-back), make sure that you have the characteristics you are looking for as well. Don't expect to find someone that "completes you". You need to be whole and healthy in order to have a healthy relationship. Good luck.

Betsy Salkind...Once said men are like a linoleum floor "lay them right and you can walk all over them for 30 years"" I don't know if this has anything to do with the subject but it's my two cents worth anyway..

Yorman, man, that is probably true. Good guys get screwed good at first, then screwed bad for years and years, and we are too stupid to stop it or expect it to be better.

Agree with lostsoul; you love the idealized version of your ex, the person you wanted her to be, which of course is not quite the person she is.

I dunno, mysteryman, I know it hurts. Find another woman who looks just like your ex, to replace the picture in your mind of your pretty ex's face, but a woman who demonstrates that she wants to be faithful.

Or look for someone or something else that you find equally beautiful to look at and desire. Maybe watch and wank to a lot of even younger, hotter women in porn. Porn is a lousy quick fix, but it can help your mind create the perfect fantasy of the kind of loving relationship you want. In wanking to porn, you jerk that image of your ex right out of your mind, because you've found a new woman, or women, to fixate on. Some women in porn are just sluts, but some appear to be really loving and generate a lot of passion in their performances.

Good guys get screwed...until they decide to be the one doing the screwing. You're just a little gun-shy right now toward other relationships, mysteryman, because you've been hurt and hurt bad. Any new relationship has the potential of "ouch" rather than "oohh". It's quite understandable. Replace that "ouch" with an "oohh" when you look at another woman, and you'll be good.

ahhh... wouldn't it be a happier world if nice people connected with nice people more often? No? Maybe not, I don't know?

But alas, I'm convinced this rarely happens, as nice people seem to be too busy saving the not so nice people... this goes for men *and* women...

I'd give most anything to meet a nice guy, who gave me the same as I'm willing to give him (kindness, respect, integrity, monogamy...). but most of the guys I encounter like this, live like a 1000 miles away lo...Can't do it, I have three kids, can't move....