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Please help me!!!

Ashley8888
Ashley8888
Okay, so I will try to keep this short...I started talking to an ex boyfriend...We dated when I was like 22 or 23(I am 30 now), dated for about 6 months and I truly did love him but things just didnt work out...I was to blame I was young and stupid, I guess....anyways he was really good looking then....and when he found me on Myspace he was really good looking in his pictures too....I was soooo excited we talked and texted for about two weeks and I had such high hopes for "us" again.

But he kept putting off meeting me because he was busy....no big deal he reassured me it was not rejection....so, over this time I think I started to fall for him again...he is so funny and a wonderful guy....

Well when we finally meet a few days ago he was extremely over wieght...I am not shallow, I am not but you have to be attracted to some one right??? And I mean I am, but I DO NOT know how to handle this...I cried for a full day....I can not be mean, and it broke my heart too....I do not know what to do....I am pretty active and I don't know if he would fit into my life....

Please do not judge me, I did not judge him....I am still leading him on, A LOT, I do not know how or what to do...PLEASE HELP....
What would you do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Offer a friendship to him.
Ashley8888
Ashley8888
But we took it beyond that when we were talking on the phone and texting, he would know it was because of looks and I DO NOT want to hurt him....
JasmineRenee
JasmineRenee
Hon, if you care about him-you must tell him the truth......I dont judge you for not wanting to, not at all...but it is better for him to know. HUGS! I am sorry.
Ashley8888
Ashley8888
what do I say...you are not what I expected...too big...I cant do that...i do care about him still....I just do not know how to tell him, and am so afraid of hurting him....
deleted_user
deleted_user
How big are you talking about? One thing to consider is that love is hard to find. Our looks change all the time... it is not something to base a relationship on. If you ABSOLUTELY cannot look past it and allow yourself to be attracted to him for his personality- what drew u back together- then end it. But when you are 80 looks dont matter AT ALL. But, I will say that he should have been honest. And if I were you I would ask him why he was not honest with you. It probably would not have been as much of a shock had he told you the truth up front. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
He will know it if you say something about his weight. You are not ready to date anyway;)
DawnL
DawnL
If you care about him, be honest, but gentle. Try suggesting that he work out with you or prepare a healthy meal together. If you spend time together, you may be able to look beyond his weight. I met my husband over the phone almost 20 years ago, and he was then and is still overweight. My love for him has always been stronger than worrying about his physical appearance. If you still find that you are not physically attracted to him, but still care about him, just be honest about it.
Aronia
Aronia
when you love someone you love them no matter how fat they are, because you see them as the most beautiful person.
Back then, you were probably infatuated, not really in love.

I agree, tell him the truth.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would agree that you need to tell him the truth. Ultimately, physical attraction is a part of it, I believe. It is certainly not all of it but that is part of it. I will say that it sounds like you are hurt in part because in part you feel deceived by the pictures he had posted, that I am guessing you thought were recent. If that is the case you should share that as well. Again it should be a gentle but honest conversation. If it is not something you can look past then friendship is the only answer. He very well maybe hurt, but he will be more hurt when it comes up later. Eventually, the truth will have to come out, better now then after emotions have developed further.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well Ashley, now you know why he kept putting off meeting you face to face. I have done a lot of on line searching and dating. Very few people describe themselves accurately. He was sensitive because probably he was rejected before.

Don't judge yourself without mercy. You, me and millions of others are strongly influence by what society thinks.

You may not have to worry. Has he asked to meet you again? If he does not ask, don't tell.

Every now and then I also beat up on myself because I am so body conscious when it comes to attractiveness of partners. Lets face it, most relationships start with lust on both parties part.

When I hear women talk about their not understanding why their husbands left them after 10 or 12 years of marriage I always need to force myself NOT to say, "How much did you weigh when you first met him, and how much do you weigh now?"

In that case, size does make a difference.