Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
this crap all started when we started talking about relationships in our health class on friday. i let things get into my head and make me go insane!! i have been with matt 4 2years. im happy with him but i feel like i met him too early in life. i wish i had dated other people before him. i want him to be the one ya know? and i dont know that he is...i just really want him to be it! i love him so much but im afraid we wont make it because of my own stupidity. im afraid something will play with my head and ill just break up with him for no good reason. i think also this weekend we were together too much. i was beginning to feel smothered. i felt better last night when i got back to my dorm and im feeling a little more better now that im writing this but i know im really just scared for no reason. i love him he loves me...im just scared. he says he knows he is going to marry me and all that stuff but how am i supposed to KNOW that i want to marry him when he is the only person i have dated? i dont want to date anyone else but part of me knows that im gonna have to eventually if i want to be sure about matt. that just scares the Shi* out of me!! i dont ever want to hurt him and i dont ever want to feel crappy. we took a break before for a week before he left for basic trainig. i think im overanalyzing everything. is there any advice?
The agenda is to get to know each other completely as much as possible in a short period of time.
Talk about everything, no holes bared your craziest fantacies your deapest fears your best and worst memories your hopes for the future.
Experiment sexually find out each others sexual fantacies talk about what you like and don't like in sex.
Spend alot of time just holding and comforting each other.
Point is if you do all this and find you love it, you don't need another man, he will be fine.
Ask him, even if you think it can't be arranged, if he raises objections to the idea, this is a red flag.
you are scared, thats normal every one is. any one who says they arent is full of shit. you also say you dont want to hurt him and you love him. well again those are your answers, just because you dont date 500 people before you marry doesnt mean you missed anything,
i would have loved to have married my high scholl love we were each others first and that was fine by me. she had doubts and left to go find what was out there. from what i understand she never married and is a sleep around, me i dont trust any one now.
becareful once you make decisions and act on them you can not undo them. and sorry doesnt work. once you have hurt soemones hart there is no forgiveness.
If you're feeling smothered, now that needs to be communicated. I agree that too much togetherness is not a good thing, and I for one need time apart from someone (typically half a week), even someone I love. Doesn't mean I don't love them; just means I need time to recharge my batteries. Alone time is perfectly normal and natural. If your man can't understand that, well...then maybe he's NOT "the one". Communicate that you need alone time now and then since that is what you need.
A more immediate concern is the fact that he's shipping off to basic training. Does this mean he'll be deployed to Iraq or somewhere for a year or more? Does he expect you to wait for him to get back? That's a lot of alone time! These are things I'd be talking about.
However, if you feel this man is "the one" then stick by him as long as you still feel that way. My parents are high school sweethearts, still married and they love eachother very much.
I know of one couple from my high school who are married with three kids and seem very much in love.
Just like the Muppets said - you write your own story.
SO my advice to you is to think about what your life would be like without him in it. If you can honestly picture yourself being ok without him then perhaps you should be, BUT if you think that without him you would be a lesser more miserable version of yourself....than i'd say that you need to appreciate what you have and cherish it and not let it go.