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Long story short, my ex fianc and I are trying to talk again after our really bad breakup a month before the wedding. He has been coming to see me, it is a couple hour drive. I guess we are trying to see if we can make it work again but I don't feel the same way I used to. There seems to be a lot of conflicts that need to solved. A lot of work needs to be put in. I think he is as unsure of the situation as I am. I am really confused as to what to do. I enjoy talking to him a lot, we have a solid relationship. Our communication is improving, our sex is amazing, we talk a lot, we have an amazing time when we hang out,etc. But it doesn't feel right for me. We have a problem regarding religion since I believe in something and he doesn't and he thinks our kids will hate him in the future. I want to get my masters while he gets his credentials and we'd both be 2 hours away. I get the feeling his family doesn't like me and therefore, I really don't like them. We both think things are complicated yet we know there are solutions. Are we looking for an excuse to give up? It almost seems like it to me. And if this doesn't feel right, what will? Should I walk away now or wait? Is this what a perfect relationship is? Have we hit a dead end?
There's your problem. Until you get on the same page, or you can fully accept his lifestyle, he can fully accept yours and you have come to an agreement regarding the religious/spiritual raising of your future children, you will have strife in the relationship.
You must be tolerant and respectful of his/her beliefs.
I am agnostic and have had issues in the past with women who want to "save" me.
My best friend is JW and her husband is catholic. It was VERY hard but they made it work because they love each other.
I am an atheist but I could totally be in a relationship with a God worshiper as long as it was based on mutual respect.
Children should be exposed to everything. I let my kids go to religious instruction, but they chose not to continue on their own free will.
Everything can be worked out.
then no - this won't work out.
Are you looking for an excuse to give up? no - you're grasping at desperate excuses not to.
Is this a perfect relationship? hell no - = it's so far from it its not funny. And if you're objective and expectation is a perfect relationship - you're setting yourself up for failure before you even begin.
You keep posting about this - over and over - and nothing has really changed except you're speaking civilly to each other at the moment rather than the toxic way you were during the break up.
This is where religion comes in and can be a good thing. Having a priest, pastor, rabbi, shaman or other spiritual figure there to offer pre-marriage counseling, as well as some set of pre-ordained principles from some sort of religious text, can offer some objective, technical standards for how things are supposed to work and work well, rather than mere emotions. Even if he doesn't believe, he should at least concede that there are some good words of wisdom ABOUT MARRIAGE in religious texts.
Good Luck,
JBuck
What makes it hard for you to walk away is because of the sex. Great sex causes couples to bond and feel in love. But in a marriage, the great sex can die out. Whatever problems you both are having will only intensify after marriage and will tests your patience greatly.
In-laws hatred relationship and differences in religious beliefs will only intensify in the marriage. Think about these things. Marriage is a life changing process and sex alone cannot make the marriage work. Weigh the pros and cons of your relationship before making a lifetime commitment.
My friend is a nice guy. But even with him near me, I Sometimes feel quite alone. If I have something exciting to share regarding my beliefs, he cannot understand my excitement because he does not share my beliefs. If I am feeling sad and I want him to pray for me or to talk with me about religious matters to help me feel better, he is not able to do these things. He cannot give me what I want because he does not believe in them. He cannot give me what he does not have.
For your union to work, either you or he must be willing to compromise your beliefs or compromise how you you practice your beliefs. If neither one of you have any strong beliefs, then you don't have much to worry about. If you both do not have any strong conviction one ways or another, then you won't have conflict in religious matters. There are people who say they are not religious but are spiritual. A person who is not very religious and a person who is religious will have different views on their beliefs.
I know a lady who is married to someone with another belief. Well the result is the kids do not share her beliefs because they saw two very different practices in the home. No one can blame the kids when mom says one thing and dad says another. It can become confusing.
I wish you the best.