Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I wrote here before about my troubled relationship. However I did not leave him back then. Been together 17 months. Lived together at one point only to be evicted by him. I have 4 kids from previous relationship. Been living in my own apartment since Aug 2011. I have had several conversations with 2 different ex's during this time frame of moving out. Nothing ever sexual, just needing someone to talk to. My bf found out and now constantly accuses me of cheating. I've changed my phone number and stopped all contact with these two men. He doesn't believe me. He accuses me of random people. He is very controlling and obsessive. Has gps on me, follows me around. My kids dislike him. He's 13 years older than me. He wants me to move back in with him when my lease is up in 4 months. I don't think our relationship is strong enough for that. He's emotionally abusive. Tells me I'm worthless. I helped him remodel his house and he won't let me have any of my things. It's a bad relationship in so many ways. I need to let go, but I get lonely and scared and I suffer severe panic attacks that he sometimes helps me through. How do I learn to let go? Things are not ever going to get better. But I just can't move on either :( any advice would help.
deleted_user
You let go by deciding you deserve more for yourself and you deserve someone who does not abuse you. If you need counseling to make you see that, then get counseling. This is not a healthy relationship for you or your kids. If you can't do it for your own emotional well-being, do it for your kids emotional well-being. By you accepting what he does, you're teaching your kids that it's fine for a man to be abusive and a woman to accept it.
deleted_user
You need to find professional help for your anxiety and panic and not rely on an abusive, controlling man. You named the reasons why you SHOULDN'T move in with him. He evicted you before, your kids don't like him, he is controlling, abusive, watches your every move, and obsessive, and tells you that you are worthless, and won't let you have your things back. Do not move in with him and cut ties with this man. Forget your stuff if that is what he is holding hostage over you. He just wants to control you some more by having you move in. He let you go before and now wants you to move in. You need to get counseling for yourself, keep your friends close and talk to them, and it will take time to move on. You have to be willing to stand alone and go through some uncomfortable feelings. You are lonely and feel what little scraps you can get from him is more security than being alone. Living in the "unknown" seems harder for you to deal with that what you know you can expect from him. Start living your life, dream of what things are important to you, keep your apartment, and if nothing else do no move in for your kids! Best to you and let us know how it goes.
deleted_user
Oh and you panic attacks will continue more if you move in with him. Walking on eggshells is not healthy for anyone.
kacylynn78
Thanks for all the great advice. It's really nice knowing I have this board to turn to, especially when I don't have a lot of friends left due to him. I have been successfully able to block him from contacting me through my cell phone provider. I've blocked him off email and changed all my passwords. I'm joining a local support group on Tuesday for domestic assault, even though mine is more emotional abuse and "bullying" by him. But today is a new day. And tomorrow will be too. And one day I will wake up and this nightmare will be over and I won't have to see the hurt in my children's eyes from when I would take him back time and time again. I ended up at my doctors office a little bit ago because of a panic attack. She helped me, she is wonderful. I have long term goals to go back to school and would live to become an advocate for women in similar situations like I am in. I want to help others. And I think moving forward with those goals will also help me move on from him a lot easier. Thanks for all the support. I need all I can get as he is trying to make this transition as hard as possible for me. I will keep in touch.
deleted_user
Your last comment I'm so touched by. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. I think that is really worth repeating because you have really motivated yourself toward a healthy life. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
deleted_user
WAY TO GO!!!!! Stand up for you. You have people that care about you and will give you the respect and love you deserve. I am so happy you are setting goals for yourself and went to seek help when you were in a panic state. Great you are joining a group as well. Abuse is abuse and it changes who you are. I'm glad you blocked him from contacting you. Your kids will also be so grateful for the change and seeing their mom in a good place. Keep checking in here and we are glad to offer advice. Just know that he had been dragging you down as he doesn't feel good about him. He has to deal with that on his own. AGAIN WAY TO STAND UP FOR YOU! Keep going. The panic will lessen in time. Just allow it to be there and it will lose it's grip over you. You will feel freedom!
deleted_user
PS. My cousin stayed in an abusive relationship for 6 years thinking he would change. He didn't hit her but the words, controlling, monitoring behavior was enough for her to feel like she was going crazy. You will find someone someday who treats you like gold and don't stop until you find that. Until then work on your goals and what's important to you. Wanting to help others in the same situation is a great place to start. :)
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