Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hello everyone! I've joined this group because I need a place to vent. This is mainly about my wanting a second child and my husband saying not right now.
Let me start from the beginning... My husband and I have been together for 8 years this August, and it will also be our 1 year wedding anniversary. We are 22 and 23 years old and have a 2 1/2 year old boy named Logan. Logan was an unplanned baby, I was actually on bc when he'd been conceived.
I have always wanted more than one child, my husband on the other hand, I don't believe he ever wanted any kids. I think that may have been because of his childhood though. (His parents divorced when he was young, then his mother remarried and had another boy 6 years apart from my husband and they just didn't get along.
Now thinking about how my son is getting older and is going to be going to school in 2 1/2 short years makes me want to have another baby. I want them to be close in age. I don't want logan to ever feel like we are pushing him away by sending him to school then on top of that having a baby at the same time. I feel like we would be better off having another one now.
My husband wants to wait because "financially we aren't ready". But what I don't understand is our expenses haven't changed much, Logan has gone from pull-ups to underwear, so there's a plus in our money. Then my husband just got a significant raise at work so there is another plus. We still have all of Logan's baby equipment in storage which we plan on taking out because it isn't worth the bill every month. I just see all the money we are saving but he still says we can't do it.
I'm sorry this post is so long, its hard to put into words how I feel, but it is easy to write it here. I guess when it comes down to it, it seems as though he is saying let's wait let's wait let's wait, but it's coming across as one is enough no more no more no more.
Let me start from the beginning... My husband and I have been together for 8 years this August, and it will also be our 1 year wedding anniversary. We are 22 and 23 years old and have a 2 1/2 year old boy named Logan. Logan was an unplanned baby, I was actually on bc when he'd been conceived.
I have always wanted more than one child, my husband on the other hand, I don't believe he ever wanted any kids. I think that may have been because of his childhood though. (His parents divorced when he was young, then his mother remarried and had another boy 6 years apart from my husband and they just didn't get along.
Now thinking about how my son is getting older and is going to be going to school in 2 1/2 short years makes me want to have another baby. I want them to be close in age. I don't want logan to ever feel like we are pushing him away by sending him to school then on top of that having a baby at the same time. I feel like we would be better off having another one now.
My husband wants to wait because "financially we aren't ready". But what I don't understand is our expenses haven't changed much, Logan has gone from pull-ups to underwear, so there's a plus in our money. Then my husband just got a significant raise at work so there is another plus. We still have all of Logan's baby equipment in storage which we plan on taking out because it isn't worth the bill every month. I just see all the money we are saving but he still says we can't do it.
I'm sorry this post is so long, its hard to put into words how I feel, but it is easy to write it here. I guess when it comes down to it, it seems as though he is saying let's wait let's wait let's wait, but it's coming across as one is enough no more no more no more.
my SO and i had our first child 2yrs n 9mos ago. the baby was also unplanned. in his family, he is a year younger than his brother, and his sister is four years younger than him. in my family, i'm seven years younger than my first sister, five years younger than my second sister, and five years older than my little brother. so for me, i've wanted to have my kids closer together (definitely NOT five years apart).
i didn't care if it was "selfish" of me or that "financially we weren't ready", because i felt that "children" would benefit from the sacrifices we make NOW instead of later.
when my son turned six months old (i know...soo super soon!! but i only brought it up because while i was pregnant, he was nervous and told me the next one wouldn't be here for another five years -- non-negotiable), i brought up the idea of having another baby. the answer? no.
so i took it in stride (sort of). long story short (sorry), i talked to him again when our baby turned two...and for some reason, which is still unknown to me, he agreed. we hit a bump for awhile with a few things, but doesn't everyone? anywho, baby number two has been here for a little over five months now...and believe it or not, my SO is talking about ANOTHER?
who knows if he's just saying it to see if i'll say "NO WAY!" or if he's saying it cuz he thinks it's what i want to hear..? or maybe saying it because he really wants another one now? i'm not really sure. but don't give up. there has to be some type of middle to your situation.
bring up the factors you have in it. and if your reasoning behind having another child is to benefit your son, then make sure you really emphasize that reasoning...good luck! and don't give up looking for a solution.
Talk to him and find out if he really wants more kids, just not yet or if he doesn't want more kids.