Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
This is a really long story, so to make it less confusing.. I'm just going to say that I had a best friend, friends for over four years.. We've been through a lot together, Jealousy, fighting, resentment on both parts.. I guilt tripped him so many times, I have feelings for him, he understood that and knew about it and it wasn't really a big deal for him at all.. But this year things got really bad, My dad was hospitalized and I kind of latched on to my friend, I mean moreso than I should have.. Yes I truly do have feelings for him, It wasn't just a means of distraction from the stress and emotional trauma of my father being diagnosed with Cancer but I was angry and bitter a lot, I took out all my problems on my friend and pushed him away each time further and further. He would not talk to me for a week or two and request space and time to heal.. Because I did hurt him a lot, but I wouldn't respect that because I was scared to lose him and my pestering him made him resent me even more.. He kept forgiving me and forgiving me and forgiving me until recently last month he finally broke and said he was done, He hasn't spoken to me since and there have been several times when I texted, messaged, emailed, tried to keep contact in some way.. But it eventually died down and I stopped.. I've lost count of how long it's been since I stopped trying to talk to him. The thing is I'm friends with his friends, I comment on their statuses, people I know talk to him, hang out with him.. and I'm worried that I'm going to grow to get jealous and resentful of our mutual friends still being friends.. I mean don't get me wrong, I would NEVER make anyone choose a side, or say that they can't talk to him because of what happened with us.. But I'm scared they are going to think that because of my jealousy and resentment, That I would even ask something of them that horrible... i hope you understand where I'm coming from here.
Our mutual friends have expressed great grief that we had a falling out, And I'm scared that that will push him into making a decision to talk to me again only to make the others happy. Which I would absolutely hate.. What do I do, where do I stand and am I a terrible person?
Our mutual friends have expressed great grief that we had a falling out, And I'm scared that that will push him into making a decision to talk to me again only to make the others happy. Which I would absolutely hate.. What do I do, where do I stand and am I a terrible person?
deleted_user
Michiev, first I want to say I am sorry about your dad's diagnosis, I hope he recuperates from this. I do want to say you have to understand where your friend is coming from if his decision was to not to talk to you anymore. He understood your situation because he continued to be there for you even though you treated him badly time after time after time. The problem is that some people get tired of being someone else's punching bag. Eventually they may decide they can no longer be the other person's floor mat and rather part ways and let them (you in this case) deal with your own problems alone. I am just getting out of a short relationship where this guy was going through a lot of personal issues and treated me very badly. As much as I care for him, I decided I can no longer be the person he takes all his frustrations out on and move on. As much as it hurts, I can't be his punching bag anymore. I decided I could no longer take "care" of him and his problems and even though it hurts, is better for me to move on. Maybe your friend felt the same way, I mean, you have to feel wanted as a friend, girlfriend, whatever, if you are not welcomed, then is better if you go. You tried reaching out to him, but he won't respond to your reaching. I would say leave him alone and maybe, eventually he'll come around, maybe he won't. As far as your mutual friends go, you need to control your jealousy and resentment feelings. That's a personal issue you need to take care of. If you feel it, don't voice it out to them, it's not their fault you are no longer friends. Even if you don't make them choose sides, when you make resentful or jealous comments to them, it may be uncomfortable to them and it would be just as if you were asking them to choose sides. Most likely they will choose his side and leave you hanging and you really don't want to lose your friends. Try to work on your jealousy issues and resentment by controlling those feelings. If you comment on your friend's statuses, he might be reading them and sees you're still acting as you did before and that may still be a "turn off" for him. Take care, hope you two get back to being friends soon. Best luck, keep us posted!
Join the Conversation