I have tried in some ways, but not nearly enough honestly. I pray a lot, I read my bible often, especially considering before dday I hadnt opened it since Mom died.
I need to find a church home, but ya know, thats little intimidating :) BUt I think I have a golden opportunity here to pull h in and connect with him on a more spiritual level.
H said to me the other day "would it surprise you that every morning when I wake up I say a prayer thanking God that you are here, that my kids are here and that you havn't left?"
Heck yeah that would surprise me because before this he didn't pray.ever.

Initially we both turned to our faith. I had never been very good about reading my bible and having devotion time. After my husband and I confessed to each other I was very good about it. When he would be struggling, I would go to the bible and search for verses to help him.

After he went and had sex out of revenge, a week and 2 days ago, I have struggled with even being about to pray. I prayed and prayed that he would not be able to go through with it (he told me his intentions) and I felt like God let me down. I've just now been able to start praying again and opened my bible again yesterday. My husband has been taking over praying for us in this time.

We were in crisis last week and we had wanted to keep our pastor out of it but things were bad. He was out of town so he referred us to another pastor and his wife who counseled us for 2 hours. Now I need to pray for strength for the day when we see our pastor and his wife because I feel like we have shattered the image they have of us.

I know in my heart the only way I will heal from this is with God's strength. There is no way I could do it on my own.

I should add, I am also struggling with how this could have happened when we were experiencing such growth in our relationship with God.

@Kansas, that does seem a point of openness for him. Perhaps, if you've not, you should explore that with him. Find out what he is thinking about attending church, seeking God more fully together.

@TTL, keep in mind, God doesn't force anyone to do anything. He may attempt to motivate them at times (like knocking Paul off his donkey and making him blind), but like He let Adam and Eve commit the one sin with the most serious consequences of any sin that's ever been committed, he won't stop you or your H from doing the wrong thing.

Otherwise, we wouldn't be where we are today. But we live in a fallen and corrupt world, with fallible human beings. God witnesses to us the truth, tells us what will destroy us and our relationships with Him and each other (sin), and works to make it as accessible as possible for us to do what is most beneficial for us. But way too often, God is the BS and we are His CSs. And He doesn't force us not to do the wrong things.

But God is a merciful God, abounding in love and mercy, and He can help heal it, and bring good out of the bad, if we let Him.

And don't worry about image. I know in many churches, that is a big deal. I used to attend and pastor Nazarene churches, where holiness is what you should be and any deviation from that was seen as backsliding. So everyone kept a good public image up even if inside, like the Pharisees, they were full of dead men's bones and rotting corpses.

If you don't bring these things out into the light, Satan can continue to use them to blackmail you or him. That is why if a CS refuses to tell about their past affairs to their spouse, the likelihood that they will do it again goes way up. Accountability is often the key to start healing.

When I found out, before I even confronted my W, I called my priest and told him what was going on. He's the only one in the church who really knows, to my knowledge, though our choir director I think has a good idea, especially after this past week. I guess in some church communities that could get you ostracized, but in ours, we have regular confessions. We all tell our priest the junk we do wrong. So it isn't any big deal to him. It only gives him opportunity to pray for us, work to help us spiritually, and someone to be accountable. I doubt Gabi would be nearly as far along as she is now if it hadn't been for his care and working with her over the past year.

If your pastor is worth his salt, he'll welcome the opportunity to aid you both in rebuilding and being part of your lives in a meaningful way, rather than the picture perfect couple every Sunday filling a pew.

For me it was never a question that this would be a spiritual battle. I have always been a spiritually strong person (or so I thought). I did not ever see this coming and would never have believed I could fall so far and so hard like that.

As it has been said, the priest has worked with me with the weekly confessions. He has given my spiritual disciplines and H has given me some and I have given me some.

Right after DDAY I had not prayed much at all in 7 mos and not much before that and I had blocked God during the 7 mos of my A's so at first I couldn't really pray. I repeated the Jesus Prayer. "O Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." I would repeat that over and over because it was so hard to face God. With that prayer I was able to just throw myself on his mercy and did not have to come up with words to pray. It was beneficial to me but I did gradually find myself able to pray more and more over time. There were other prayers and Psalms I was able to read right at the beginning when it was hard to pray.
I developed over time a rule of prayer. A routine, as it were. A combination of written prayers, the Jesus Prayer, Psalm 51, intersessions for others, and just generally hashing through it all with God. Crying and praying my way through all the phases of recovery., restoration and rebuilding that I have been through so far. I also have a daily scripture reading with a lesson that comes to my e-mail and that has been really good for me. God has taught me lesson after lesson and given me one goal after another. I am grateful for that.

I have a benefit in that my work is not mentally stimulating and I am alone much of the time. While on the one hand the alone time has been hard because it is painful to spend that time struggling through it all and shedding so many tears, but on the other hand, I am grateful to have a way to spend so much alone time to think and pray and hash through it. There were some saints who, after living a very sinful life, came to God and then went to dwell in the wilderness or desert in order to have deeply focused time with God. I call my alone work time my wilderness time. I used to dread each work day because of the painfulness of it, but now I consider it a gift.

If you read my last few journals you will see how I have had to go to confession every week but have not been given absolution or communion until our Easter weekend last week. 11 mos. I understand why I had to go through that time of penance and I am grateful to have reached this milestone. It has helped me a lot. My experiences over Holy Week and Easter were epic for me. For the next year I will continue my disciplines ( hopefully forever) and frequent confessions, but not necessarily every week, and I will take communion only for the 12 great feasts in order that I will take communion seriously and as a privelage and will spend a good bit of time in preparation for it. At some point I will be fully reinstated but until then I will be thankful for the help from our priest and the church. Penances and all.

That's my girl! :D

...or...er...woman.

On my side of things, my spiritual disciplines didn't change a whole lot. They do need to improve. You'd think I would have prayed a ton more during that time, and I guess I did right at first. But I think I was just so shell shocked that it took a while for anything much to kick in. In the realm of spiritual disciplines, Gabi puts me to shame.

Where the spiritual side of things came in was more of who I am and how I responded to everything that happened.

The first key thing I realized, on dday after reading the log where I discovered the truth, and before I went to bed that morning, and after the initial feeling of getting smashed in the head with a two-by-four started to numb me to the shock, was I realized this meant she was in deep spiritual danger.

As many of you know, we are Christians. We've both been most of our lives. When she married me in 1982, she knew I was studying to be a minister. And one of the things I loved about her was her character. Not only that she was fun, but that she was dedicated to God and took seriously the faith.

Adultery is a big sin in the Bible. In part because it reflects upon our relationship with God. Marriage is compared to our relationship to Christ in Ephesians. Marriage is, in our terminology, an "icon" of our relationship to God. So what God has joined, let no man put asunder. And adultery is putting asunder a marriage. Reflected in Jesus' saying that divorcing your husband or wife is committing the sin of adultery...unless the spouse has already committed it. Adultery in effect destroys the marital bonds, whether purely EA, PA, or both. As Jesus said, if you lust after a woman in your heart, you have committed adultery.

Likewise, sin is sin because it destroys the bonds of life with God, and is how we commit adultery with God. It is the destruction of the bonds and union with spouse or God that such adultery is a negative thing. It isn't just having sex. It is violating the bonds by forging new ones with another.

Keep in mind in Jesus' day, marriage was sealed with sex. Their marriages were week long events, and the final event on the last day, the couple entered a tent with everyone joyfully cheering them on. They had sex, and he man would bring out the bed sheet stained with her blood to prove she was a virgin. And everyone would cheer. At that point, they were considered married. (Wouldn't that be a hoot to do in our current marriage ceremonies! lol)

So one of the first things I realized is that my wife could very well miss out on being with me in heaven. She could end up apart from me. So my first concern was for her eternal salvation. And my big hope was that if at all possible, I would help to redeem her, with God's grace. Because I didn't want it to end like this. Not after 29 years.

The next three weeks were a struggle for me, as they usually are for the BS. But a large part of the emotional struggle, panic, and emotions, I felt, came from the fear that she wasn't about to give the OM up. No contact hadn't been established. One day in particular I went panic mode and couldn't keep from crying at work, because I feared she was going to go back to him, literally felt she was going to do it. And that created in me a fear that not only would I lose her, but God would too.

I knew in the beginning that a lot of the rebuilding, if it was to be successful, was on her shoulders. Aside from the no contact not happening right away, she did everything a CS needed to do to heal and rebuild. I could rant and rave and say pretty much whatever I wanted about the affair, and she never defended herself, never made any excuses to what she did. She admitted she did wrong from the beginning, even though it took almost three months before she got out of the fog and fully owned it. All that is documented in my blog when she made steps forward due to her focus on healing herself and me in the process.

But I also knew that if she did everything right, and I didn't move onto healing myself, that I wouldn't be giving us or her the best chance of succeeding. When I decided to rebuild with her, I made a commitment to give her the best chance possible from my end to do what she needed to do to heal. I thought about Habakkuk, a prophet in the Old Testament who took a wife, and she committed adultery. God had him take her back as an example of how Israel was treating him, and how God takes them back over and over again to show His mercy and love.

So I showed some initial mercy, but like God's, it was conditional. Conditional in the sense that if she failed to take advantage of it for her benefit, it wouldn't stand. So I did the following:

1) I gave an initial forgiveness. Primarily I did that for myself, so that I could move forward. if she hadn't cut off contact with the OM, or fell back into it again, that forgiveness would mean little. But I forgave her so that I wouldn't feel a need to beat her up all the time. I knew that could sabotage any rebuilding. Sure, we discussed it, often, and sometimes I knew it hurt her to talk about certain things. But I did my best to never act like I was intentionally punishing her, throwing it in her face. And I knew it didn't preclude me from dealing with the fallout and consequences I would have to face because of it. That's why it was an "initial" forgiveness. Deeper forgiveness would come as we progressed. But I knew if I didn't forgive her for what she did to me, and hold a grudge, we would be less likely to succeed at rebuilding.

2) We kept having sex. As some of you know, from the start of the affair we had sex nearly everyday up to that point. I feared her wanting it so much, that withholding it may cause a lot of stress in her and potentially make her lament not having the OM back. If I wanted the OM's bonds to die, I had to replace them so that they became mine, and she would have little to look back as fondly on that she wasn't already currently getting.

So one of those was sex. But I made it conditional, because I didn't want to just act like, "Well, everything is okay after all, let's have sex." So I had her commit that having sex with me meant more than just having fun, more than a good time with me. It mean she was committed to me and by doing this act, she was promising never to share it with anyone else again. It was the only way I could move forward with having sex. If she failed, she would lose that.

I also did the same thing with going grocery shopping and going to the gym, both things they did together. And I've helped her clean houses since I've been unemployed, which they also did together. It all of course killed more than that bird. It also allowed us to spend a lot more time together, and those were the two places she feared running into the OM the most, so having me there with her calmed those fears. And I didn't really feel comfortable with her going to either of those two places alone, so it helped me not sit at home fretting that they might be secretly meeting at these places behind my back. But the primary purpose was to "overwrite" the good memories with him, with new memories of me instead.

3) I gave her trust on loan. As we all know, though we'll check and recheck on our CS, trying to make sure they aren't reconnecting or finding a new outlet, and I did check a good bit, especially right at first, if they want to find a way to cheat without me knowing, they could. In her case, she cleans houses for a living. So she's going all over the place. While she was telling me where she was, and texting me a lot, it wouldn't be that hard for her to run over to his house and spend some time with him, and I would never know. And if they wanted to, they could arrange to meet at certain times a week, and she could tell me she had a client at that time, and it would be hard for me to know anything different. They would know to stay off the cell phone and email, though there are ways to get around that.

So I knew the bottom line was though I didn't trust her at that moment, I knew I had to give a certain level of trust for rebuilding to really work. But it was "on loan" because that meant she would pay it back by doing the right things, by not falling back into those behaviors and ways of thinking. She was still earning the trust back, but if she defaulted on the loan, the gig was up. I would "foreclose."

And I think it was that combination of mercy with fear that helped her to really sink her teeth into rebuilding. She knew she was being given a chance to make things right, and I was going to give her as much support as i could for her to do that, but she knew she'd not likely get a second chance here. So there was an element of fear if she failed, that kept her motivated to do what needed to be done. She knew there was a real possibility she could lose me.

4) I made some big adjustments to my life as it related to our marriage. I hadn't been spending the kind of time and attention to her prior to the A that I should have as a husband who wants to show his love to his wife. I didn't go shopping with her, because I didn't see what practical purpose it served. She didn't need me to get things off the shelf. It wasn't hard to do. And I always had a good supply of important writer's task to take care of. So I really didn't want to "waste" time going shopping when it meant I wasn't getting something I considered important, done.

Likewise, when she started going to the gym, she tried to get me to go too. But I wasn't into exercise much, and again, I saw it as something that would take away from my writing time. And those are the exact two areas that the OM filled for her. Companionship that she wasn't getting from me. While I acknowledged that this lack in our marriage wasn't a justification for her to cheat, or meant I was to blame for her cheating, it obviously was a vulnerability that made cheating a more enticing option. Who knows if she would have cheated anyway if I'd done better with that prior to the A. But that wasn't the point.

Really, the point I realized after getting knocked over the head with the A, is that I had areas in our marriage that I needed to work on. As long as she was being committed to rebuilding and demonstrating that with her actions, I was going to be committed to making our marriage better, not just to help prevent another affair, though that probably helps, but also because I do love her and want to express that in the way she feels it. And how she feels it is by me spending time with her. What we do isn't nearly as important than the fact that she and I spend time together. Because while maybe there is no compelling practical reason for me to go to the grocery store with her, there was one very important reason: because it said to her, "You're important enough to me to go with you, because I love you."

So I made some big changes. Changes I knew I needed to make, should have made years ago but was too dense to see it. Prior to that, we'd sometimes say, "You know, we need to do more together. Something we both enjoy." "Yeah, we need to do that. What can we do?" "Hum, I don't know." And that would generally be the end of that discussion. It never got to any solid ideas. But now, faced with the potential loss of my wife, I found the motivation to spend time with her, even though it is doing things I'm not, on a practical level, all that needed for or thrilled to do.

But I did experience the "Odd Factor." That is, when you make big changes like that, for many people they last for a while, but then at some point they long for the way things were before the changes. And I experienced that. I missed the solitude of writing way for hours, ignoring the world. Of doing what I wanted and not feeling a need to spend a lot of my time doing what everyone else wanted me to do. And yes, sometimes I still miss that. But over the past year, the feeling has become less and less, "This isn't my real life, this is temporary," to "This is who I am." The new normal is starting to become my established normal. I look forward to spending time with her at the gym, riding in the car to church, and yes, shopping at the grocery store. It has become our weekly date evening.

I did all that because I love her so much, and wanted to give her the best chance of success. I didn't want things to go south later on, and me think, "If only I'd done X and Y, maybe we'd still be together and happy." I wanted to be in the position to say, "Well, I did everything I could to give this the best chance of succeeding, and it didn't happen. I did all I could be expected to. Now I can move on." And really, my hope of course was that by giving it the best chance of success, that it would help it to succeed.

Whether because of my efforts, her efforts, or a combination thereof, it has, to this day, now just past 11 months from dday, succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. Based on what I'd read, and many of the other experiences here on these forums, I figured at least two years, because that seems to be the minimum for most couples to be considered, "You're going to make it." And many need more than that. And who knows, the other shoe could drop tomorrow for all I know. But if it did, I could say I did all I could, and gave it my all, and sadly move on if that is where it ended.

But, swinging back around to the beginning of this long post, I did all that because of my faith in God. One, that she needed redeeming because left to where she was, she might not make it to heaven. I felt a lot hung in the balance on how things went and where she ended up spiritually. And I wanted to allow God to use me to save her, if that was His plan. Doesn't mean I didn't have to deal with the pain of being cheated on, the loss, I didn't avoid going through the five stages of grief I've listed in the News section. I worked through them. But I think one of the reasons we've done so well in such a short amount of time, is because I was more concerned about her than myself. Not in a "walk all over me way" as you can tell by what I've written above on the conditions. But that I was willing to do what needed to be done to save her. I had empathy for her from the start.

On dday, before I ever confronted Gabi, I called my priest. early that morning. One of the first questions he asked me, is if I wanted a divorce. If I wanted out of the marriage. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind, and I said no. I wanted to redeem this if we could. And to me and my faith in God, if I was going to rebuild, i was going to throw myself wholly into it, or there was no point in trying. That meant I expected her to do everything she needed to do, and I would everything I needed to do, to redeem her and the marriage.

As a matter of fact, we could have labeled this group, "Redeeming Infidelity Through Faith."

But how has my faith changed through all of this? I guess if I were to point to one area, it has been my own trust in God has been enriched and confirmed. There was an event many years ago that made me feel like maybe God didn't have my back. And it would have been easy to see the infidelity as another example of that. Yeah, I'm glad God did save her from herself as she prayed briefly a few times during the affairs. But then, why didn't God just stop it in the first place? Why didn't He make me aware of what was going on early on instead of seven months later?

Those are questions I don't have the answers to. But this I know. What Satan intended as evil for us, like the cross for Jesus, God has turned into something good. Literally, our marriage has been resurrected to new life. And even if it hadn't turned out that we stayed together, I trust that God would still turn it out for my best in one fashion or another.

And that's why i think allowing God to work on me, make me a better person through all this, is what brought about a successful rebuilding, at leas on my part, and I know by Gabi's work spiritually, on her part as well. And maybe seeing the bigger picture allowed me to focus not as much on me and my suffering, but what I could do to help Gabi to heal, return to being my wife again, and strengthening our marriage while we have the motivation and energy to make the changes we needed to make.

Bad stuff happens. But God has a way of taking crosses and bringing victory out of them if we allow Him. What that victory looks like for you may not be what happened for us. But it can be good, if one trusts God's care and love.

Good Morning, and thank you :)
Although I have to admit, I started reading this early this morning and I had to leave and come back as it was 5 am and I was still bleary eyed and half asleep :) needed more caffine first :)
So I read both of ya'lls posts again when I was a bit more coherent, lol.

Gabi- I am so happy for you and your journey back, and being able to again receive the gift of the sacrament of Communion. I have to admit part of me was hmm idk, resentful? that you would be denied that, but I guess that is my rebelious self. But what do I know, being raised haphazardly in the Catholic church, but I haven't been to confession in 22 years at least. I have been to Mass lots of different times over the years, but not taken communion because I hadn't been to confession.
Over the years I have attended many different churches, some as a member for long durations, others just visiting or checking them out. But nothing aside from weddings and funerals in a good many years.
While we were in New Mexico my mom and stepdad had been members of a couple dif churches in the 10 years they had been there, but had dropped that in favor of weekly bible studies and retreats and trips etc. I really enjoyed the bible study group, it was sort of a rotating and diferent members home each week, until Mom got to the point where she couldn't get out of the house easily and it was at our house each week. I have always had faith, sometimes stronger than others , and of course tied in with that a healthy dose of Catholic guilt :) My H did not like the bible studies so much. He had a very negative outlook on all church, religion, anything related. Negative experiences as a child and allll he could see when he looked at "christians" were hypocrites. Over the years though in our 21 year relationship he has gradually moved from "I don't believe in God" to "ok well maybe there is something but I won't say God", to "Ok maybe there is a God, but I don't have faith in Him" to watching shows on history channel about bible/christianity/judaism, etc etc and really paying attention and then asking questions about this that or the other, and sometimes I had answers and sometimes I had opinions.
To where we are now, while I'm not exactly sure where that is, but somewhere between the book HNHN on the activities questionaire where he rated bible study group very high in things he would like to do together, to negative interest to attending church. To him recently telling me that he prays every morning when he wakes up and thanks God that he is here, I am here, the kids are here, and we are all together, and I haven't left him. WOW.
Now I am not exactly sure where to go with this except to keep praying on it and hope that He shows me the way. I am not comfortable immidiately joining a formal 'church' especially since would end up prob backfiring and causing fight with H, but also , well is small town and no matter which church I choose, I will know someone, I can't say I'm comfortable with idk being exposed? like that. Does that make sense?
I will keep reading and maybe share more what I have read and draw H into discussion, see where that leads us, and in future maybe He will present an opportunity to find a group.
Anywho, whew:)
Good Morning :) lol

@Kansas, you said: "I have to admit part of me was hmm idk, resentful? that you would be denied that, but I guess that is my rebelious self."

Just for clarification, the Orthodox Church takes seriously Paul's warning to the Corinthians that they are sick because they are taking the Eucharist unworthily. That is, by coming to it and treating it like anything ordinary, like it is not the Body and Blood of Christ. While we are all unworthy in the general sense, what Gabi was doing while she was deep in the fog and the affair was to take the Lord's Supper despite her heart and mind not being in the right place to receive it. It was doing her more damage than good to get it.

Plus, she lied during confession. A big no no. Our priest always asks us if we have any inappropriate relationships. She didn't want to tell him yes, so she said no even though she was, big time. That was when she was deep into her affair with the second guy.

Since the priest can't know all that going on in a person's mind and life, the church has a period of around a year to withhold. As we all know, it takes at a minimum at least that long to really show your stable, and often longer. In the early church communion was withheld for that sin for at least two years. Because the church doesn't want to give it to them until they know it will be a help instead of damaging to them spiritually. So after some time has passed, they can get a sense of a person's repentance, whether they've slipped back into the affairs or not, their state of mind, etc., so that when they start giving it to them, it will be to their benefit instead of their condemnation.

One of our precommunion prayers says something to the effect that watch out as you approach the chalice, for you are preparing to take a live coal into yourself. It will either help heal by burning away the dross, or it will hurt by burning you up. Another warns, "It is fire." For God is likened unto fire, and unquenchable fire, and thus is to be respected as one would treat fire with care and respect, knowing the damage it can cause.

So that's why it is withheld. Not to punish her, but to help her heal and get back to a place where taking it is beneficial to her soul, not destructive.

I do understand what you are saying and where you coming from. Same reason why although I have been to Mass I don't take communion, because I have not been to confession, I have not received absolution for my sins, therefore am not worthy, that is what I was raised to believe, and is deeply ingrained, and not from parents lol but teachers, nuns and priests. Now as an adult as my mom went to other churches, communion was offered differently, and I still declined, even though many told me I was looking at it wrongly to deny myself communion, but thats just how I feel an believe.
I just never really thought of priest telling me after going to confession and doing penance, not being able to then receive communion,, but ya know? I havent been to confession so if ya know, I were to go today he might say, you have a lottttta years of penance to do before you'll be ready to receive communion again :) sooooo,lol, like I said, mostly that was my rebelios soul talking, as in how dare you mortal man deny me? lol ya know?
anyway I digress

Well, I would add that it is because they are moral men that they deny it maybe sometimes longer than need be. Since they aren't God and can't see the heart unless God reveals it to them, they have no choice but to rely upon outward signs. And we all know how tenuous even a year out many of the marriages are that are affected by adultery. Our priest was actually I think impressed by Gabi's repentance during Holy Week, that he decided not to wait for the full year, she was ready now. He was going to wait until sometime in June, which would have been past a full year. But I think, either by God's grace or what he saw, her heart was in the right place, and decided it was good to do it a little early.

And it was only during Holy Week that she really started to feel like she was ready. She was good not taking communion all this time because she knew and felt she wasn't ready for it. But during Holy Week, her pain and remorse turned to true sorrow, and I think that is what our priest saw and realized she was ready. And it wasn't so much the communion itself she was longing for, though she did want that. But she felt strongly that she needed the absolution, to help her stop beating herself up for the sin, and have a concrete sense of it is forgiven. And she has been so much happier and alive since then.

I think she not only knows in her head that I and God have forgiven her, but she now feels it in her heart. And that is what was missing.

I should add, I'm very grateful as a BS to be in a church that has this kind of structure in place to deal with these thing. Too often it is sort of free wheeling, fly by the seat of your pants stuff. Sometimes you get pastors trying to act like a marriage counselor who don't know what they are doing. Our priest never pretended to be a marriage counselor, but stuck primarily to helping her spiritual life, though I'm sure he threw in tidbits where he could.

When someone is in spiritual struggles like this, you need a way to deal with it not only in learning and such, but in concrete ways. I think her going to confession every week and confessing any instances of veering off course in thinking about the OM, making any contact with him (more like him trying to make contact with her and her running), when she even thought about another man she saw in the store in ways she used to before the affair, (like wondering what they would be like), it has helped her to build solid boundaries and learn to live within them. Accountability is a great tool for healing. She's come a long ways in less than a year, and I give a lot of the credit to our priest's spiritual work with her.

I read your posts and I wonder if I will ever again travel this road of compassion and understanding? Why can't I let go of this suffering and feel God's abundant love and healing? It's been three months. I thank God for one sign of relief this week - finding daily strength. Thank you all.

Hi lovetoday,

I hope this doesn't discourage you, if you look at it the right way, it is an encouragement. But three months is barely a drop in the bucket to how long you will take to heal. At three months out, though life had settled in some, I was still unsure where we were going to end up, in counseling, and busy getting fired from my job (for which I'm still unemployed several months later). And we were considered "quick" in our healing compared to most couples.

Have you read some of the articles in our news section? On the group home page, click on the "Table of Contents" and you'll get a list of articles to link to. One of them is on forgiveness, just recently posted.

Hang in there. You still have a long road ahead of you and there is plenty that can happen, including learning to be compassionate in the face of severe hurt.