Through all of the emotions I've found that my greatest desire is just that I want our love back the way that it used to be. I want the attention that he was giving to her. I want him to hold me and kiss me and to want me. He says that he does but that he feels like a dirty rag right now and doesn't know what to do and he fears my anger and rejection. I know this is a long and painful process that we have to go through. I don't know what to do at all. Sometimes I want to be as far away from him as possible and other times I just go snuggle up to him and dream none of this ever happened. The sermon yesterday at church was on perserverance and the pastor talked about not quitting in marriage A LOT. God definitely gave us a great word at the perfect time. Should I keep my distance or love my husband the way that I want to? I feel like I should be punishing him and that my affection will let him think all is well and he's off the hook, but it just feels awful to be so distant and angry. Ughhhh I just hate all of this and the devil for trying to destroy us.
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