Healing Infidelity Through Faith Community Group
A place for those experiencing infidelity, rebuilding from infidelity, or dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, both unfaithful and hurt partners, and to be free to express how our faith, primarily Christians but others are also welcome, has or is being used to deal with our issues and hurts. All posters are expected to be respectful of each others faith experiences...
For those familiar with your Bible, you know, especially in the Old Testament, that God likens our sinfulness to adultery against Him. The whole book and prophecy of Hosea is based on that message, to the point of having the prophet take a harlot for a wife, and then when she cheated on him, using it as an illustration of Israel committing adultery against God:
When Jehovah spake at the first by Hosea, Jehovah said unto Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredom and children of whoredom; for the land doth commit great whoredom, departing from Jehovah. (Hos 1:2 ASV)
And...
And I will visit upon her the days of the Baalim, unto which she burned incense, when she decked herself with her earrings and her jewels, and went after her lovers, and forgat me, saith Jehovah. (Hos 2:13 ASV)
But forgiveness and redemption and healing are always in the mix:
And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in justice, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness; and thou shalt know Jehovah. (Hos 2:19-20 ASV)
In light of having gone through infidelity in our marriages, I'm wondering if any of us, BSs and CSs, now look upon this concept God presented in a new light?
One aspect I felt was key for Gabi and me is our spiritual walk. We don't feel as free to talk about it on the other groups, but I feel personally that the decay of Gabi's spiritual life before the As is part of why she became more susceptible to the affairs, and how much she has worked on herself spiritually. Also, it was our faith that helped her to deal with her guilt, and accept forgiveness, just as for me it was natural to forgive.
But I think I have a greater sense of the pain we cause God when we ignore Him to run after our own "gods," commit sins, and separate ourselves from Him. This experience has thrown a new light on such passages. What do you think?
When Jehovah spake at the first by Hosea, Jehovah said unto Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredom and children of whoredom; for the land doth commit great whoredom, departing from Jehovah. (Hos 1:2 ASV)
And...
And I will visit upon her the days of the Baalim, unto which she burned incense, when she decked herself with her earrings and her jewels, and went after her lovers, and forgat me, saith Jehovah. (Hos 2:13 ASV)
But forgiveness and redemption and healing are always in the mix:
And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in justice, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness; and thou shalt know Jehovah. (Hos 2:19-20 ASV)
In light of having gone through infidelity in our marriages, I'm wondering if any of us, BSs and CSs, now look upon this concept God presented in a new light?
One aspect I felt was key for Gabi and me is our spiritual walk. We don't feel as free to talk about it on the other groups, but I feel personally that the decay of Gabi's spiritual life before the As is part of why she became more susceptible to the affairs, and how much she has worked on herself spiritually. Also, it was our faith that helped her to deal with her guilt, and accept forgiveness, just as for me it was natural to forgive.
But I think I have a greater sense of the pain we cause God when we ignore Him to run after our own "gods," commit sins, and separate ourselves from Him. This experience has thrown a new light on such passages. What do you think?
I pray your new church home works out and you can both get your feet back under you.
When I committed adultery against you, Cole, I also committed adultery against God, and according to that Psalm, more so. During that time, I turned my back on everything that matters. I blocked out, and refused to allow myself to think about, the seriousness of what I was doing except in those short moments of clarity when pulses of reality would break through.
Before my A's started, I thought I was okay spiritually. I knew I didn't pray very much and did almost nothing to nurture myself spiritually in my daily life. Furthermore, I indulged in fantasy quite a lot, especially while I was working alone, the very same time I now spend in prayer and reflection. Spiritual erosion is something that is so easy to be blind to. Our enemy likes it like that, soothing us and making us feel everything is okay.
For me, this recovery has been almost purely spiritually focused. Yes, we have worked on our marriage, and yes, we went to counseling and have read and continue to read books together, but that is also part of the spiritual work. It is obedience to God's direction for how to proceed. I have spiritual disciplines now involving prayer and scripture reading, confession, communion, etc... It is hard to express the depths of sorrow in my heart for what I did. It took me a full 11 mos to even begin to accept forgiveness. This happened when my despair and sadness turned into sorrow and I suddenly had a desperate need to be able to accept forgiveness, whereas before i couldn't even approach it.
The church, i.e. our priest, has been very tough with me through all this (tough love) and for that I am very grateful. I give thanks to God that he doesn't waste anything, even big huge sins, but uses them to the fullest to change us and teach us and work on us in the places that hurt, the places we had previously kept guarded, and to use us to help others when we are ready for it.
Now enter the OW. A soon to be divorced, pastor's wife. We spoke often of God and Scripture. And even prayed for clairity. It seems I jumped feet first into Satan's trap. Allowing my sinful nature to substitute literaly anything for spiritual food. How pathetic am I not to have seen this before? How horrible of me to allow such blasphamy (praying with the OW about our sin) to overcome my better understanding and discernment! My spiritual pride and arrogance cloaked the most horrible of sins in scriture.
Ironically, the church we have now found was recommended to me by my councilor. With whom I never would have spoken if not for the A. The lack of a good church family and accountability allowed me to be susceptable to the sin. But it took the sin to get me to someone to find the good church family and accountability. I guess this falls into the category of: God can use everything (even sin) for Good.
FYI, full disclosure, Gabi and I belong to the Orthodox Christian Church. They still do things like they did in the early church. In cases of infidelity, it was a minimum of three years discipline. For the first year, Gabi went to confession every week. That's been relaxed for the second year, but she still goes more frequently than most now coming up to 2 years, and that may last another year or so yet. These times have been invaluable to her and me in our healing. I feel sad that so many other churches don't have this help and aid for dealing with such a damaging sin. Our priest has been involved in our healing since dday. I talked with him before I confronted Gabi.
I can say things would not have gone nearly as well if it were not for the help from our church and faith.
Impono, I know that despair is deep and heavy for the two of you right now. The best thing you can do is stay deep in prayer. Stay plugged in to God. Submit and surrender everything. Surrender the pain and despair. Surrender the frustration and hopelessness. For both of you, that is the most important thing you can do. The worse things are, the more tightly we must cling to God. He is our hope. he is our refuge.
Make sure, Impono, that you are reading Psalm 51. I have said that Psalm daily now for 21 mos. I am sure you already know this, but King David wrote that Psalm after Nathaniel confronted him with his sin with Bathsheba and his guilt over the death of her husband. He saw the depth and scope of his sin quite clearly. This Psalm, therefore, is for us in a big way. He even had murder to deal with in the mix.
God want's to heal us and change us. We must still bear the consequences of our sins, just as David had to, for the rest of his life. Our sin has changed things. Our future will be different than it would have been. However, that is all in Gods hands. I only seek His will now. no matter what. i pray that I will remain consistent to that and cling tightly to it.