I'll take a look Cole...headed to church now..but after... :) <3

Everything you said in that first paragraph is so true...I will definitely be reading it.

I read the whole article and thought it was great. I heard a message this week about living in victim mode and what that means for the Christian. The basic message was that living in victim mode is sin and that we can model Christ through Agape love. It sounded great at first and I asked the Lord to forgive me for being in sin through hanging on to victimization. But then, as I look and interact with my husband who had an affair in March, I wasn't sure how to agape love him through all of it. He isn't repentant. He feels justified for having the affair since we are separated. He doesn't feel I should have any more thoughts or feelings about it and he doesn't want it brought up anymore. He has even defended the woman he had the affair with. He has been in contact with her via phone and text messaging except for the past week where he has not returned her text messages.
So this article helped me to see that I don't have to return to him and sacrifice myself for the sake of our marriage. But that it would be a sacrifice on my part to let him go if he isn't repentant (even though it kills me to think of letting him go). I had left him in January of this year because he is a gambler and has lost thousands of dollars over the course of our 20+ years of marriage.
Thanks for the article..... it really helped me to better understand agape love and really, I'm not Jesus and I don't know how to give that type of love.... (without His help).

So, I'm still investigating how to have Agape love for my CS. I found an article that also helped me:

http://www.godsbreathpublications.com/agape-love-part-two/

"We are appropriate in our jealousy when it is directed against an injustice or the destruction of truth in the lives of those we love. The source of this jealousy is actually agape love, the desire for truth and righteousness to be manifested in the life of someone. Just as God is righteously angry and jealous when His people stray from the truth and worship other gods, we can be righteously angry at the situation when our relationship with someone is threatened by deceit, lies or infidelity. Such sins are a breach of our relationship with the person and the truth of God. But our anger and jealousy should not be directed at people, but the sin itself. We are to love the sinner and hate the sin. Agape love rejoices in the happiness of others, but is jealous when God’s truth is ignored in the pursuit of selfish desires. Agape love knows such sin can ultimately not only destroy the relationship but also the life of those we love. Regarding a marriage relationship Lewis B. Smedes states, “Every spouse has the right to jealousy when the heart of the marriage is being threatened …Agape respects boundaries within limits in life.”

forgiveness, YES, but the Holy Spirit will guide the timing of forgiveness and it is for you , not him and if he does not ask for it, if he does not stop his behavior, confess his sin and ask for forgiveness, scripture tells you that you have the right to end the marriage and divorce him.....you may still divorce him, infidelity is the only "sanctioned" reason granted by God for divorce....you have a right to be jealeous, it is rightious indignation and it will take time and God's intervention, prayer and healing....