Not to be too New-Agey, but there's a school of thought that everything in our life meets needs or we wouldn't have it. I'm not sure I believe I got HCV to meet a need, but I've checking for secondary gains,figuring if I meet those needs other ways, it will give me a better chance of clearing the virus.
I've come up with a few -- 1) when I feel burdened by taking care of too much in my life, I can use this as permission to do less.
2) survivor guilt that so many of my loved ones got AIDS and I didn't (this is much less potent than before)
The need I think it used to serve was to encourage me to grow/heal/explore with more urgency than I might have otherwise. But I don't need that anymore. I have two amazing daughters, and working for conscious parenting is all the impetus I need.
Anyone else thought about this? I feel like I am close (emotionally anyway) to closing this chapter in my life. I hope so.
I've come up with a few -- 1) when I feel burdened by taking care of too much in my life, I can use this as permission to do less.
2) survivor guilt that so many of my loved ones got AIDS and I didn't (this is much less potent than before)
The need I think it used to serve was to encourage me to grow/heal/explore with more urgency than I might have otherwise. But I don't need that anymore. I have two amazing daughters, and working for conscious parenting is all the impetus I need.
Anyone else thought about this? I feel like I am close (emotionally anyway) to closing this chapter in my life. I hope so.
Thank you for expressing your appreciation.
I was stunned, I looked at him for a moment, as his intolerance settled about him, and then I said to him, at least I'm talking about it, it's out in the open and not hidden in some closet, like your stuff. You know, that closet is so full of stuff that should you ever decide to open the door, you'll probably get buried in your past shit. LMAO
Yes, I know, I was reacting to him on the same level that he was giving to me. I see that now.
I found this, however, while we were together, and it touched me so profoundly, that I copied it and put it on the refrigerator.
Learning to Love Yourself
Love yourself, exactly as you are, and you're forever changed. Love everything you can from wherever you find yourself. Think of something you love a lot and love yourself that much. When you forget how to love yourself, love yourself for forgetting. Jump from logic into the safety net of love. Open your love big enough to fit all your feelings, say I love myself for that too. Love others exactly as they are and they are free to change.
from Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks
And I started to learn how to do that.
I just watched a movie, with Leonardo DiCapprio, This Boy's Life. Wow. It's about a young adolescent dealing with a divorced mom who marries an abusive man. http://dvd.netflix.com/Movie/This-Boy-s-Life/60027475?trkid=931747 I think it was his second film.