I am so sorry to hear that your partner passed away. From my understanding of your post you were the one administering CPR. That has to be very difficult for you to carry. I believe that in time the image will fade but never go away. Be strong, I pray that tomorrow will be a better day!

On 10/14/17 my wife of 27 years died in my arms of a PE at the age of 46! I struggle to find happiness in anything, i mean absolutly nothing brings me joy! I have gone to a Grief support group for several months, and think i will stop going. Its a group of about 25, and I am the only man. Of course it feels good to verbalize your feelings with others also in pain, but what is disturbing to me is that there are a handful of people there who are 3-6 years post loss and say they feel no better and in some aspects feel worse! When they share their pain, I feel hopeless in my own "recovery".


I can't sleep, can't focus, cranky as hell, and im keeping it all in.... I did just this week start to take a low dose of Prozac to see if it helps me.


My family consits of her parents and my adult son, all of whom i think are as bad as me!

I am a retired Paramedic and I too did CPR on my wife, I also read the cardiac monitor and assisted with an IV. I almost wish i didn't know what was happening...

I lost my father in November of 2017. He was my best friend and the best man I ever knew. He went into the hospital with a UTI in August and was there 5 days. When he came out, he was never quite the same and ultimately ended up back in the hospital in late October with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. He went in on a Sunday night and by Thursday morning they told me there was no hope and that he wasn't going to make it unless there was a miracle. I was alone with him all those days, since my brother and sister couldn't be there and my mother passed away 5 years ago from dementia. It was the worst time of my life, there with him in the hospital and being helpless to save him. When he was struggling with illness through the years, I worked proactively to find doctors and health solutions and I knew I could no longer fix him and felt horrible.

Now that he has been gone a little over 7 months, I cannot seem to get past it. I am sad all the time. I live alone and prior to his death, my Dad lived with me, as did my Mom before she died. When my Mom died, me and my Dad comforted each other. Now I have no one to help me through this. My siblings have families and are busy with their own lives and I don't want to burden them, but I am falling apart on a daily basis.

When I sleep, I grind my teeth from stress, which I never did before. I am anxious and upset all the time. OhioMatt, I can echo your sentiment, that nothing brings me joy anymore. What is the point of going through life, working hard and making money and having possessions, when we all just end up dead anyway and someone we loved has to go through all we owned and decide what to do with it? I feel like life is so pointless.