Hey malbers..tough one..I went through that exact same thing only it was my mom. My dad died suddenly and my mom met this guy and married him all with in 14 months of my dad dieing. We were devastated and hated this guy. I was very angry with my mom. To make a long story short...it didnt work out...they divorced..and I had to repair the damage I created with my mom. In hind sight she realized she was scared, lonely and didnt think she could survive without a man to take care of her. It was a knee jerk reaction.

They say 3 years is a good length of time but I think it also depends on the individual and the relationship with the husband. Personally...I think anything under 2 years is to soon. I hope this helps

The bottom line is they can do what ever they want. We can get mad or hurt or what ever. It does not matter. If it was us we would not want anyone telling us what to do or who to be with. Right or wrong...it is their choice. Isn't that what we all want.

It is no-ones business but hers.
I would hate to see her lonely though after 39 years of marraige.
Her character says it all by staying with her Husband for 39 years until the very end.
She needs peace in her life and comforting.
I really dont think anyone should set a time-frame.
Life is too short as it is.

Time.... how much time or how little time depends on the person effected by death of a spouse. There are too many variences to judge and judging is what no one should be doing. Some people decide to never date again while some people need to get on with their life. What ever the choice it should be only up to that person. The surviving relatives should be supportive. Death of a parent is difficult no matter what. If the widow or widower is ready to date then try to be supportive. Energy travels through the path of the least resistance.

sometime during a couples relationship, I think they should discuss this sort of thing with eachother and see what thay are comfortable with. Make it easier so each one has a choice and wont feel bad for it later.
Its all about communication!!! iwatched a 7th Heaven on this subject and It was really enlightening. Taught me alot on how not to judge the other person. we arent walking in anyone elses shoes.
Kelly

Im not judging her and am very supportive, i love her dearly. She has been my mom since I was 16. My biggest fear is how my kids will take it. Im also not ready to meet him. My father in law passed in January.Now that shes dating and seems happy Im affraid that if it doesnt work out she will be hurting even more.

My first husband died in an ultra light plane crash. I was still quite young when it happened. I went to counseling for some time to help deal with the grieve. According to the counselors grieving is a process that can take up to 3 years. When people are grieving they can at times do things they would ordinarily not do. I think patience, love and support is what she may need. Its very hard no matter what end of the situation your at...Kathy

Maybe this guy is fulfilling all her needs, she might have you guys but it is not the same. I guess it is a different kind of emotional, psychological and physical support. Just like we support each other here, I talk to my husband and mom but you guys seem to understand things a lot better. She is lonely and she just experienced a huge lost, so she is reaching out for comforting. If she is happy that is all it matters, and you probably need to talk to your kids and explained how people feel about losing a person after so many years...we all act very differently. I feel bad for her losing her husband, what a terrible feeling. Yeah, life is too short and we need to make the most of it. The best wishes to you and her!!

i think they can whenever they feel they're ready. my uncle committed suicide like....probably 8 or so years ago and my aunt recently got married last month, she married the person she was going to marry before she met my uncle. i think the person should at least wait a few years.

I hate to be unromantic about this but I feel like you fall in and out of love as you grow older. I would dearly miss my husband and personally I wouldn't get married both for finacial and independence reason. I have been married over twenty years come next week. I would defintely prefer to move into a condo and socialize rather then get married thats what my step-mother did after my father passed back in 2005. ill or no ill independence absolutely.

Malbers

All you can do is be there for her ...if she falls.

Thank you all and its interesting to the broad spectrum of our personal thoughts. Myself im not sure if i could ever love again if it was me in those shoes.

I've never been in that situation, but I have lost many, too many, people in my life. The one sure thing about death is that you never know how a person will react. Every loss is different and every person deals with it in their own way. Even if you don't agree, and maybe if you're close enough you can share that with her, you should still support her and give her the love that she's given you.

Also, every relationship is it's own, who knows why or how she's ready to date so soon, but it is her life and her decision. Maybe in her husband's death she's realized how short life is and she doesn't want to waste time moving forward (as hard as that is for everyone else to accept--I know it would be for me too). Best wishes.

Your only responsibility is to be supportive and quiet. She has to do what works best for her. I've always thought dating right away was a sign of a good marriage the first time. If the marriage had been bad, you'd be running from new men, We've been married 32 yrs and I wonder how I will get along alone. if or when that time comes. I'm sure m-i-l is lonely and probably feels that by seeing another man, she's not butting in to her childrens lives looking for company.

Just let the situation work itself out. And if anyone complains to you about it, tell them to myob!

Goldiebear