I dont understand why my daughter would get pregnant TWICE before she became able to support her firstborn. I should be over this by now. However Im still furious. It was not fair to him for her to continue to create children when she cant support him yet. She seems so unaware of the fact she may have just guaranteed she will never be able to raise him. Maybe Im wrong, maybe she will get her job training, and a place, and he will be happy to live with her. But what if she doesnt, how will he handle it if she keeps his sister and not him? How would I handle it if I end up having to raise my granddaughter as well? I wish my daughter happiness, but how can she get that happiness when she continues to make these stupid choices. Why cant she straighten up and stop screwing with everyone elses life. Maybe she will. Maybe she wont. I know exactly what Cindy must have been going through for the last 3 years. I pray to God I will never have to deal with the pain she must be feeling now. God help me live one day at a time, and let go of the grief, the anger, the confusion. Happiness is a choice; I bet Cindy thinks that too. I hope we are not both blind, and doomed to lose it completely or fall into the pit of despair.
How long do I let her affect my life? How long will it take for her to step up and be an adult? How much longer before I will just up and say enough is enough? How do you protect a grand without enabling a daughter?
Here comes another grand. I have to step up for her. I have to try to keep her safe. I am afraid I cannot do it on my own. And I am afraid I will fail her. I am afraid I will fail them all.