I'm very sorry for everything you're going through, Liam, & of course, it will pass, but it never seems to pass quickly or painlessly enough; does it?!! No, it doesn't. I can't imagine taking the 2 yo with you. Isn't there someone who can help your husband with the 2 yo while you're gone - even for a couple of hours a day? Is there a neighborhood girl who would be willing to come in and be a "helper", just keeping the little one entertained for a few hours of an evening or something? So, is the surgery date being moved since she's being referred to someone else? I wonder if you could find a sympathetic sales person or someone at a travel agency who could help you????

Yet another casualty of the selfish, thoughtless bios: We can't even rush to the side of our children without stress, complications and aggravation.

They have NO IDEA of the havoc they cause day after day, month after month, year after year.

Liam, I'm so sorry. I felt my stress rising as I read your post,myou must be crawling on the ceiling! Sometimes an airline will have mercy on you, give them a call and see.

Holy cow....you need a Calgon moment....oh wait.....you'll just have to wash the tub then! I hope that made you smile...

I know I feel like I wish I had a clone, or a slave or both...maybe just a wife would be good :)

Oh Liam, I wish there was something I could do to help.

Have you ever asked if there might be respite resources available to help with your GS so you can be there for your daughter during her surgery? I know that they are sometimes available for special needs kids, it might be worth checking in to at least. That is the only idea I can come up with that might help.

I hope your stress level goes down soon. As you said, this too shall pass.

Wow, that is a lot to contend with. I hope you can find someone to help your husband with the grand, and that all goes well with your daughter's surgery.

Looked up some respite services for you. I hope one of these can help somehow:

http://www.children.gov.on.ca/htdocs/English/topics/specialneeds/respite/index.aspx

http://centralcal.easterseals.com/site/PageServer?pagename=CACN_PS_respite

http://www.travisafrc.com/storage/afm_uploads/Community%20Resources/Resources%20for%20Special%20Needs%20Families.pdf

http://www.warmlinefrc.org/12-yolo-where-can-i-find-a-child-care-provider-who-understands-my-babys-special-needs.html

I am sure there are many more options out there. I simply did a google search for special needs respite care in California. That is where you live if I remember correctly right?

I called the airlines as soon as my daughter called me regarding the new surgeon and date change. Because it was booked on Hotwire they will charge me $300 because it is a pre-existing condition not a medical emergency. I even called my credit card praying that they would have something that would help me not be charged; no luck there either. I did get a great price of $760 for mine and my 15 yr old daughter's ticket. However; it is still money I will have to pay off with a very small paycheck because of all of my time off.

It wouldn't be so bad to go but I booked it because she was very upset and I understood that she needs me, her mom at this time. It is going to be an insane week with the adoption court date and we haven't even planned an outing afterwards to celebrate. I was told by the attorneys that we could reschedule the adoption date; I said no way! I have been waiting 2 yrs for this date.

I did think of the respite care throw Regional Center, my husband hasn't mentioned it since Saturday night and he hasn't mentioned it since. I normally take my gs to daycare and my husband picks him up. I think that he worries that my gs will be whining for me and won't go to sleep. He also never gives him a bath so; this may be a challenge for him.

I think he was tired and worn down like me with all the sickness we have both caught from our GS's daycare. My poor husband had to take off 2 days of work last week due to getting a bad viral and then Saturday afternoon his ear drum ruptured and started bleeding; he ended up going to the After Care Clinic all that kind of freaked him out...we never had this much sickness around us even when our kids were little; that's because I stayed home with our kids for the first couple of years.

The only silver lining I heard today from my gs's disability coordinator is that she was going to sign off on subsidies for my gs because of his long term care. Of course that process might not happen for another 3 to 6 months time. I could use the money now to reimburse all of the time I have taken off work w/o pay.

My husband said if that happens; I should think about quitting work because of the heavy demand of care my gs need now that he is older and I'm getting worn down with work and GS . My problem is I do like working and I am afraid to quite work, I'm 57 and I would never be able to find another great government job like this again! So, I may just take a Leave without pay for a couple of months to see if I just need to regroup; I'm able to take Adoption Leave, I'm not sure yet how much time they allow.

So sorry this is happening to your family. I know how difficult it is to be there for our other children when we already have so much on our plate. I will be praying for you and your daughter.

Hoping everything works out for you. Will say prayers for your daughter's surgery.

I'm sure you have thought of this but... get the hubby to give baths and do the thinks he would have to do when you are not there, while you are there to prepare for it...

So sorry that your going through this, i hope things get better for you soon. It would be nice if you could take time off when you adopt, you should get maternity leave, that would give you time to regroup and maybe work for a little longer, like 60.

Liam, if its any consolation, I have been in your place and survived. At one point I had my husband who had suffered stroke at 49, mom with alzheimer's at 85, daughter with brain cancer, her dysfunctional husband, her preemie baby, my son who felt we made "wrong choices", and my daughter returning from college before she left for Disneyworld to work as MIckey Mouse! I'm not kidding! I was working three jobs and taking care of everyone and my five bedroom home! In the midst of all this, someone at work told me that if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck at all.... and I believed her! They found that I was literally holding my breath almost to passing out in anticipation of what was going to happen next. Stopping to take a deep breath is a joke, as you know. While I couldn't afford it, I took a three month leave w/o pay to try and straighten things out at home and tried to salvage my own business which was on a greased slide to disaster. As ridiculous as it may sound, I felt like I was on vacation! Take the leave. That's what it is there for. My daughter's brain tumor did not respond to treatment and on her last Thanksgiving alive, we made the very hard decision to be with our younger daughter in Florida. We had give so much to older daughter and she had my mom and her husband with her. It was not a fun vacation but was a healing time for husband, daughter and myself. Two months later, I went back to bring daughter home because her sister was now in hospice. Secondly, find the respite care. With a disabled child, you will need it at times. Contact one of the agencies Electic gave or go to the CA dept on aging, grandparents raising grandchildren and ask for their help. You don't have to be elderly because this is just usually where the grans help is. Realize that you are only one person and can only do so much. You cannot fix everything or be there for everyone, though as a mom, we tend to think we can. Well, its years later. We lost our daughter to brain cancer, lost everything in a court battle to get her son out of an abusive home, spent years in circular conversations with my mother until her death at 91, raised our gs who is now 22 and a good kid. He is disabled because of severe back problems and hearing impaired. My husband has been disabled from stroke at 49 and last year we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. My bio son walked out of our lives almost 10 years ago because we had too many problems for him and his wife. I have now written four books and work as a program coordinator for grandparents raising grandchildren. The moral of this story is: you will survive and you will laugh again and cry again. I know all too well that feeling of being overwhelmed and I am sorry for you or anyone who has to go through it. Priority is to be with your daughter during her surgery. The rest will fall into place. Finally, when our daughter was going through chemo in another state, we used a program called the Angel Network. It is a group of corporate jets that take patients and families on their planes if they are going to the city you need to go to. I'm not sure if they are still around or if your situation is serious enough but might be worth a try. They do not charge. For the airlines, call their corporate customer service. Look up corporate executives for the airline and call and ask for their executive customer service. Explain your situation. I have gotten many things reversed this way. The regular customer service departments are not equipped to handle special problems. Your State Department of Commerce might be of help also. $300 is a lot of money when you have taken on care of your gs along with other family issues. Glad you had this place to vent and I hope I have helped you in some way. You are now learning, as I did, what living "one day at a time" truly means! God bless....He will carry you through this!

Thanks Daisy, I find these days that my short term memory is shot!! I feel like my 87 yr old mom who forgets and can't concentrate...

My SW came today for her monthly visit and took up my Saturday that I had plans. She told me how busy she is and this is why she didn't come on my normal Tuesday or Wednesday's that I take off for my grandson's therapy every week. It was about her not us...

I also felt that I had to sign up for a two day conference because this no-profit children's group who is helping me is going and referred me to go with the nurse a few days after the adoption. I wasn't going to go because I wanted to take a week break to re-group but they have done so much for me that I felt I had to, I wanted to make sure I show them I appreciate all that they do and have done. The conference will be helpful however; I can only please so much with my overwhelming schedule.

memory? oh boy! I took my mom to a psychiatrist because she was getting very moody and difficult to deal with. He told me: "your mother is fine. She's just trying to find more ways to bug you!" My daughter had two brain surgeries to remove tumor and has resultant memory loss. My husband was still on anti-seizure meds which caused his memory to falter. When they took my daughter in for second surgery, the neuro said that is was not a cure but would give her time and her right side might remain paralyzed. I looked at him and said: "well we have the left side of doorways padded to protect my husband after his stroke, so I guess we'll just pad the right side for her!" It certainly was not a time to joke but I could not believe I was in this position! They say that God only gives us what we can take. I've had a few conversations with Him regarding giving me a break. Hang in there.